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Certifiably Insane  RSS feed

 
Mark Herschberg
Sheriff
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I've decided that my career is at a dead end. I feel boxed in by diminishing opportunity as jobs move off-shore. After careful consideration and analysis, I've decided to jump start my career by adding certifications. I'm going to start with the SCJP, and then move on to the SCJD and complete the hat trick with SCEA. We'll continue with SCWCD, and pretty much all the Sun One and Solaris certs.
But clearly in today's market, this is not enough. I'm then going to get my A+ plus and IBM XML certs. That should last me until June. This summer I'll focused on clearing all the Brainbench and Microsoft certs (the Microsoft Office Specialist looks pretty daunting).
My goal is to be able to walk into an interview and bury the hiring manager in certificates. Wish me luck.
--Mark
[Edit April 2: I hope everyone enjoyed April 1st at the Ranch.]
[ April 02, 2003: Message edited by: Mark Herschberg ]
 
Thomas Paul
mister krabs
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If he doesn't hire you, you can beat him to death with all your certs and then take over his job!
 
Cindy Glass
"The Hood"
Sheriff
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Don't forget to do the dishes while you are getting all those certs :roll: All work and no play - well you know
[ April 01, 2003: Message edited by: Cindy Glass ]
 
shay Aluko
Ranch Hand
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Originally posted by Mark Herschberg:
I've decided that my career is at a dead end. I feel boxed in by diminishing opportunity as jobs move off-shore. After careful consideration and analysis, I've decided to jump start my career by adding certifications. I'm going to start with the SCJP, and then move on to the SCJD and complete the hat trick with SCEA. We'll continue with SCWCD, and pretty much all the Sun One and Solaris certs.
But clearly in today's market, this is not enough. I'm then going to get my A+ plus and IBM XML certs. That should last me until June. This summer I'll focused on clearing all the Brainbench and Microsoft certs (the Microsoft Office Specialist looks pretty daunting).
My goal is to be able to walk into an interview and bury the hiring manager in certificates. Wish me luck.
--Mark

Mark is suffering from certificate envy. Don't let the green-eyed monster consume you, hunker down and get a certificate, i suggest SCEA--- and that's a challenge by the way--if yur so good, put your reputation on the line aget SCEA in ome month starting from now...
 
Mark Spritzler
ranger
Sheriff
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Mark, you will need much more certification than that. Just yesterday I interviewed 4 people each with over 150 certifications, and they all sucked.
It takes at least 250 certifications to make me believe that the candidate has any knowledge.
Also the most important certifications to get are the Real Estate certification, Registered Nurse certification, and the Truck Driving certification. If you can pass those three then we might hire you here as a developer.
Good Luck, I know you can do it.
Mark
 
shay Aluko
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Originally posted by Mark Spritzler:
Mark, you will need much more certification than that. Just yesterday I interviewed 4 people each with over 150 certifications, and they all sucked.
It takes at least 250 certifications to make me believe that the candidate has any knowledge.
Also the most important certifications to get are the Real Estate certification, Registered Nurse certification, and the Truck Driving certification. If you can pass those three then we might hire you here as a developer.
Good Luck, I know you can do it.
Mark

please can you explain how it is possible for someone to have over 150 certifications, that cannot be possible, at least they can't be relevant certifications anyway (i am pretty sure it's those useless brainbench certifications)
 
Mark Fletcher
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It sounds like certifications are fast becoming like Pokemon; gotta catch'em all!
 
John Coxey
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I have the Truck Driving Certification, and the Truck Driver Instructor Certification -- do I get the job?
It's sad, but I have more experience driving a truck than programming in Java.
John Coxey
(jpcoxey@aol.com)
 
Tim Holloway
Bartender
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Don't forget the all-important Florida Real Estate Sales Certification (Underwater Division)! No one should be considered competent to develop software without this!
 
Bear Bibeault
Author and ninkuma
Marshal
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And don't forget the Number One advantage to having a boat-load of certs: your sig will be longer than your posts!
ducking!
bear
 
Derek Grey
Ranch Hand
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Originally posted by Mark Herschberg:
I've decided that my career is at a dead end. I feel boxed in by diminishing opportunity as jobs move off-shore. After careful consideration and analysis, I've decided to jump start my career by adding certifications. I'm going to start with the SCJP, and then move on to the SCJD and complete the hat trick with SCEA. We'll continue with SCWCD, and pretty much all the Sun One and Solaris certs.
But clearly in today's market, this is not enough. I'm then going to get my A+ plus and IBM XML certs. That should last me until June. This summer I'll focused on clearing all the Brainbench and Microsoft certs (the Microsoft Office Specialist looks pretty daunting).
My goal is to be able to walk into an interview and bury the hiring manager in certificates. Wish me luck.
--Mark


Good one Mark

Considering it's April the 1st.
 
Eric Waite
Greenhorn
Posts: 12
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Honestly ...
I am going to get my Programmer certificate. After being laid off and trying to get a job in this market I am hoping that the certs will help.
Or is it time to learn to be a truck driver?
 
Carlisia Campos
sanitation engineer
Ranch Hand
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For you males out there:
There's only one certification you will ever need: a culinary chef certification.
With one of those, if you're single, you will get a partner; if you're married, you will stay married. Women are going to want to keep you happy and give you whatever you want, including paying your bills.
Girlfriends: don't bother getting certifications! Get a man who can prove he can cook (and if he took the trouble to get certified, we know he likes doing it) and use the time fred from this chore and use it to job hunt or work on that promotion!
 
It is sorta covered in the JavaRanch Style Guide.
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