That is the beauty of the JPA standard. If one provider doesn't do what you want, you can change to another one that does. Of course, you need to be writing portable queries... :-)
I agree with you, that it will be painfull to work around the problem with fake removes, but if hibernate is not willing to do it for me, what choice do I have?
Been there. Done that. Went back for more. But this time, I took this tiny ad with me:
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