There's only one web server in the entire world that runs ASP in its full native form - that's Microsoft's IIS - also known as "The Server That Made Internet Security Famous"
JSP are
Java, and you've probably been living on another planet not to know what Microsoft thinks about Java. So sorry, no ASP/JSP server.
The secret of how to be miserable is to constantly expect things are going to happen the way that they are "supposed" to happen.
You can have faith, which carries the understanding that you may be disappointed. Then there's being a willfully-blind idiot, which virtually guarantees it.