Why I'll never work in support

[Angela Poynton]

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline.
Needless to say the helpdesk employee was fired;
however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect
organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support
employee:
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the
words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the
screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept
anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a
TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's
on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find
where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if
it's plugged into the wall."
".......Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not
just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again
and find the other cable."
".......Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely
into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean
way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -
it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I
have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it
licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and
packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it
up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back
to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

[Eager Beaver]

Hey Angela,
I have worked in support for 1 whole year when we handled a part of an important application for a prestigious client. We had to keep a close watch on the batch jobs that ran daily. We also had this slew of jobs running round the clock toward month ends. A job going down would spell trouble and set our hearts thumping trying to understand the problem and fix it. Fortunately we always triumphed and the client was happy too. Support job trains you to anticipate problems and brace for any emergency that could crop up. We did some value addition to the application and won plaudits from our client. All in all it was a wonderful experience. Now, I have moved to a diff organization and a diff responsibility. Hey, on the flipside, support also means unsolicited calls in the dead of night.
-EB.

[Andy Ceponis]

LOL, thats a good one.

[Annie Weaver]

Everybody has to start learning from where they are. I just had to ask how to turn on a phone.
I think people who need extra help are not the bane of the help desks, nor are the tough technical challenges. The worst are the bureaucratic snafus and rudeness.

[Eager Beaver]

Annie,
Well said! ^5 lady.
-EB.

[Ray Marsh]

Support is tough, I've read that one before. We used to have a list of funny things people said on support calls. Like the man who cut down a 5.25 inch floppy to fit a 3.5 inch slot and didn't understand why it didn't work! Or the caller who couldn't find the "any" key.
That list, in several forms, has been circulating for years. If I can find it again, I'll post it.

[Dave Vick]

Then there is always the story of the guy in Alaska, who when trying to upgrade from Windows 3.1 to 95 stuck the CD into the drive. After nothing happened, he called his brother (a computer programmer) and asked him to help. After 20 minutes or so of nothing his brother (the programmer) decided they should just remove the cd, shut down and reboot. After asking him to get the cd out he waited...... waited...... and waited......
'What are you doing he asked?'
'I keep turning this little lever here, but the cd wont come out.'
'lever?.... on the same drive you put the cd in?'
My point in all of this is that its not really the uninformed that drive the help desk crazy (although they do make for some good stories), it is the lazy peopel who expect the is department to do things for them. I have had people come to me to give them a class on excell, or acess and writing macros. Many of these people are almost demanding that I do this. My response to them is to write it up and give it to my boss, as he'll have to approve the time I'm going to spend. Then they say, 'oh well... How about if I just tell you what it has to do and you can do it for me...' I said sure... After you write it up and run by my boss - I knew full well my boss would say no, or better yet bury it.
If someone has a question or needs help and is polite and asks (instead of demanding) I am more than willing to help them, the other jerks can go take a flying leap.
my $0.02

Dave
but I really do like the stories we get from the help desk. Maybe we should all compile a list of 'certified true' help desk stories and make $$$$$

[Angela Poynton]

Slightly off topic I do think power outages can do strange things to people ... we rely on electricity so much. We once had a power outage and I went looking for the flashlight, when I passed a light switch I actually flicked it thinking I would get light to help me find the flashlight that was going to help me see because of the power outage!!
Dumb eh!!

[Badriprasad Bumbabol]

Thats why we love you, Angela
Tintin

[Dave Vick]

Angela
Been there done that...
Had a black out once and was going to the garage to get the lantern we use for camping.
Wife says: "you can't open the garage we have no electricty..."
Dave says: "sure I can the remote control for the automatic door opener is battery powered"
wife: "oookaay"
Dave: soaking wet after standing in the rain for 5 minutes "dont say a word"
wife:
also, walked around the house once looking for a shoe that was already on my foot.

[Suzanne Reiner]

After shipping a client a requested 3.5 floppy, she could not get it to work. So, she calls me to inform me the disk is broken. I'm thinking the disk got damaged in the mail. I ask her "does the little silver-piece slide back and forth?"
"yep."
"Does it take quite a bit of force to open slide it?"
"OH, no! I know it doesn't work," she says, "because when I put it in the 'a' drive - I've watched it real close - the little door opens up!"
I have to confess, it was tough not to laugh outright.
~ Suzanne

[Randall Twede]

I once heard about a person who called a computer repair shop and told them his drink holder on his computer broke

[Sera N. Dippity]

[Stevie Kaligis]

CEO : I need a copy of these disk (hand it over to his new secreatary!)
New Blonde Secretary : (walks to Xerox copy machine, and rush back).. excuse me sir, which side do you want ?

[Daniel Dunleavy]

I have a few stories, but not as good as a friend of mine.
In the old days the PCs weren't as streamed lined as they are today and there were only 5.25 diskettes...keep that in mind.
Woman calls up "The PC is eating my diskettes"
"what do you mean?"
"I put the diskette in, and it won't come out"..."I put another one in, and it still won't work"
When he went down to check it out she had been putting the diskettes in the crack between the front plates of the diskette drive and the hard drive. The diskettes were just falling to the bottom of the case.
Dan

[Jamie Robertson]

Originally posted by Ray Marsh:
...Or the caller who couldn't find the "any" key.

I believe that was a Simpsons episode in which Homer gained weight so he could be technically obese and work from home. He was also trying to get a "Tab" soft drink by pressing the tab key. That Homer, such an odd fellow!
I've noticed that for every event in my life there is either a Simpsons or Seinfeld analogy! I think I watch too much TV, and you too Ray...you've actually started taking events from the Simpsons and started to think they happened in your life!
Jamie

[Cindy Glass]

My life more closely resembles "Home Improvement". I could SWEAR that we have had some of those conversations in our kitchen.

My husband - the fixit man !

[Paul Stevens]

This is why Scott Adams is successful. True or not many are funny and you know people who may not have done them but could.