I am tired!!!

[Nancy]

Hello,
I want to share something with you!
I got married. And I have caring husband. He love me as well as his mom very much.
He tells every single things of his life to his mom. I mean friend talk, all the matters. Also He asked for every single things and take the decision based on that whether his mom is right or wrong.His mom playing with his emotional black mailing to him. I can't find other way . I don't mind if he loves his mom and he cares for his mom. Just I am concerned that why he is listening all the decision from his mom. Also we don't have any personal life. Wherever me and him go, she will come with us and we keep our bedrooms door opens.
What is my life??? What should I do? I AM TIRED!!!
Please help me
nancy

[Conrad Kirby]

Sounds bad .

[Andy Ceponis]

Well from what i can understand of your post it seens to me that he needs to grow up. He sounds just like a little kid that would be lost without his mom. Since you two are married im assuming you are both adults. I would have a talk with him and let him know that this behavior is unacceptable. Tell him you cannot live like this forever. You married him, not his mother. Make that point clear.
And you should also have a talk with his mother. She has no right to do things like keeping doors open. She should get a life as well and stop hanging on her son.

[Nancy]

what should I do? I mean I get tired. Sometimes I think that god take me from this world. B'cos whenever I asked basic things in my life from GOD, he never gave it to me!
Now I don't have capacity to bear anything more in my life.
Thanks,
Nancy

[Saran Vel]

Originally posted by Nancy:
what should I do? I mean I get tired. Sometimes I think that god take me from this world. B'cos whenever I asked basic things in my life from GOD, he never gave it to me!
Now I don't have capacity to bear anything more in my life.
Thanks,
Nancy

Nancy,
First, U make one thing clear... GOD IS WITH YOU..!
This problem can be solved.. but it will take sometime..!
U havenn't done any wrong,for GOD to punish you or to harm yourself.
Talk with his mother.. politely.. a woman can understand another woman's problem..! Only by his mother's activities your husband will change. Ask her to think from your position. Donn't feel any ego to talk with his mother.
These kind of persons should be handled with full of pateince..!
All The Best...! Take Care..!
Saran

[Nancy]

Thanks to all,
Saran, I am ready to keep patience!. Right now, what should I tell to his mother??
Please let me know,
Thanks,
Nancy

[Nancy]

ALso I want to change my husband I mean I want him to become mature! How???
THanks
nancy

[Conrad Kirby]

Now you really got something on your hands!! I suggest that if you are tired, you should sleep (metaphorically speaking). It can't come from us, you have to come up with what you are going to say. Otherwise, who would have changed your husband? Us or you. . Good luck. Here is a rose:
@-^-^-

[This message has been edited by Conrad Kirby (edited June 21, 2001).]
[This message has been edited by Conrad Kirby (edited June 21, 2001).]

[Rahul Rathore]

(Ignore this post)
The surest way to deumblicate him Nancy, is to introduce him to this forum. Once he is hooked, he will forget his mother. Put a screen-saver with your photo, on his computer, to make sure he remembers you. And whenever you want to have a meaningful conversation with him, do the following:-
1. Pull out the power chord.
2. Throw ice-cold water on his face.
3. Wait for 30 minutes
4. If in 30 minutes he doesn't stop babbling, repeat from 2.
You may want to put some software lock to block out some puerile posts like this one.

[Jimmy Bonds]

Tell him to you want to Move....Far, Far Away!
Then, he will be naturally weened

[Nancy]

If I will say that I want to move fat , far away! then he will say okay go away. My mother is my life. And I don't want to take divorce or separation.
Nancy

[Thomas Paul]

If you want to stay with this guy then you will have accept that you will never be better than the second most important person in his life. I say dump him. He sounds like an immature jerk.

[Ashok Mash]

I have a suggestion...
Defenitly its wrong from your husband's part to behave this way. I agree to that. But there can be some other story which effected him earlier and made him this much dependent on his mom.
May be if you can give him the same kind of feeling that his mom is giving him, u know, kind of 'listening to all kid talk' - kind of attention, may be.. may be he will find it more comfortable to talk you in the same way as he does with his mother now...
Then I think you can slowly turn him more matured little by little..
Sounds crazy? Sorry.. Thats all a single guy like me could imagine...
Wishing u the very best..

[Nancy]

Now thing is like this:
His mom and father are separated last three months. Also she has one daughter. She loves her like anything. But her daughter is not talking to her nowadays b'cos of separation of her parents. She found her mom's fault.
In Past when her daughter was talking to her, that time my husband realized that she cares more for her daughter. During that time, He was very close to me.
Now because of separation with her husband and her daughter, she played some politics and showing that she cares her son like anything. As I told you that weak point of my husband is that he bliendly belives her.
What should I do that way my mother-in-law star talking to her husband and specially daughter.... And I can get my husband back.
Thanks
Nancy

Originally posted by J Ash:
I have a suggestion...
Defenitly its wrong from your husband's part to behave this way. I agree to that. But there can be some other story which effected him earlier and made him this much dependent on his mom.
May be if you can give him the same kind of feeling that his mom is giving him, u know, kind of 'listening to all kid talk' - kind of attention, may be.. may be he will find it more comfortable to talk you in the same way as he does with his mother now...
Then I think you can slowly turn him more matured little by little..
Sounds crazy? Sorry.. Thats all a single guy like me could imagine...
Wishing u the very best..

[Saran Vel]

Oh.... What a strange family...!
I thought u can do something by making his mother to understand u'r problem.. i guess it's not possible.. bec she's not a normal woman...!
Nancy... I wish U all the best...!
Only GOD can save U..
Saran.

[Nancy]

Thanks to all,
I don't when GOD will listen me???

[Greg Harris]

it sounds to me like his mother is reacting to losing her daughter... she is not doing this conciously (deliberately). i am certain that she does not realize what she is doing, so it might be best if you talk to her about it.
if you tell her that she is disrupting your personal life with your husband, then she might realized what she is doing. if you talk to her and she still does not realize that she is putting stress on your marraige, then you will have to talk to your husband about spending so much time with her.
as for your husband; he is also acting sub-conciously. from what you said above he has always been "second" to his sister. now that he is "first," he is taking advantage of his new found relationship with his mother. it is good that he is so close with his mother now, but he needs to realize that he is neglecting you. you should probably tell him that you are feeling left-out or ignored.
just my opinion... and i am not married, so i do not really qualify to give you advice.

[Nancy]

She is conscious for what she is doing!.
The one way I am thinking is if somebody else from my husbands family bring her daughter and her together, that way she will start going weekend with her daughter. That way atleast I can get the sometime in weekend with my husband
Please let me know If I am thinking wrong way!
Thanks again to all
Nancy

[Ling Wu]

Originally posted by Nancy:
She is conscious for what she is doing!.
The one way I am thinking is if somebody else from my husbands family bring her daughter and her together, that way she will start going weekend with her daughter.

Maybe you can be that person to bring the two together, if you are on good terms with your sister-in-law, that is.

[Shama Khan]

If you can't get rid of the mother in law then you should become great friends with her and also her daughter. Get the mom and sister in law on friendly terms. Make it a threesome friendship of females and still give time to your husband. Then let your husband know that you are able to balance your relationships in your life.
Balance is very important.
Men have it tough - they got to give time to mom and wife - and one of them is almost all the time jealous. But it's up to us - the women - to show men how to balance their relationships.
Shama

[Nancy]

Thanks for reply.
Shama, My husband is not talking with my sis-in-law for many years. So after my marriage, my sis-in-law was and is still not talking with me. We don't have any relations at all!
Now I am trying to become like friend to my mother-in-law.

Thanks
Nancy

Originally posted by Shama Khan:
If you can't get rid of the mother in law then you should become great friends with her and also her daughter. Get the mom and sister in law on friendly terms. Make it a threesome friendship of females and still give time to your husband. Then let your husband know that you are able to balance your relationships in your life.
Balance is very important.
Men have it tough - they got to give time to mom and wife - and one of them is almost all the time jealous. But it's up to us - the women - to show men how to balance their relationships.
Shama

[Angela Jessi]

Shama, Would you please give me some information how to balance this particular relations from women(wife) side?
I will be appreciate your response regarding this.
Thanks
Nancy

[Ling Wu]

Angela Jessi? Nancy?

[Nanjangud Nanjundaiah]

Ling Wu, remember this thread? Apparently Angela and Nancy are the same. This is the case of a split personality. Life is indeed complex

[This message has been edited by Nanjangud Nanjundaiah (edited June 26, 2001).]

[Anonymous]

I think Angela is a headcase.

[Shama Khan]

Be nice guys. Nancy/Angela, by balancing I mean - be able to give time and consideration to all the people who are related to you - mother, father, husband, children.
I believe that everyone has their place in your life. One has a certain intimacy with their partner that they don't have with their parents - that needs to be understood by your husband.
He needs to understand and more so his mom needs to understand that her son needs to allot his time to you as well.
And I would say if you learn to love his mom (because she ain't going away by you wishing so), you'll understand her needs better and if you get lucky she'll understand your needs. Hopefully, understanding between the two of you will lead to charity between the two of you. And then we'd be in heaven or almost - well at least for a while!
Nancy, did you really "woof" in that last thread?
This possible use of multiple userName bugs the hell out of me. Can the programmers out there do something to prevent this.
Shama
[This message has been edited by Shama Khan (edited June 26, 2001).]

[Nancy]

I really want to write here that Nancy and Angela Jessi are not same person. We are using one computer and we know each other's password. So this happened!!!
Thanks to all,
Nancy

[Nancy]

I really appreciate response of Shama..
Thanks
Nancy

[Bartholemu Smith]

Why is someone asking for relationship advice on Javaranch?
I dont get it... ;D

[Nancy]

If u know this is meaningless drive..... U can ask anything.

Originally posted by Faisal Dosani:
Why is someone asking for relationship advice on Javaranch?
I dont get it... ;D

[Rowan Brownlee]

Yes indeed,
Some of the best drivel threads are all about relationship advice, and each day there's a new installment.

[Ling Wu]

Originally posted by Nanjangud Nanjundaiah:
Ling Wu, remember this thread? Apparently Angela and Nancy are the same. This is the case of a split personality. Life is indeed complex

Is this what it was implied in that thread. It completely threw me off. Ok, I think I got it. No, I'm not getting it. Still not......
Somebody is messing with my head.

[This message has been edited by Ling Wu (edited June 27, 2001).]

[Nanjangud Nanjundaiah]

Originally posted by Ling Wu:
It completely threw me off. Ok, I think I got it. No, I'm not getting it. Still not......

That thread should have been named Me, Myself and Janet

[Anonymous]

Nancy,
How bout try to find some way for you guys to live as far away as possible from his mother? Of course don't tell ur husband or his mother about ur true intention, but try to find a reason to live somewhere else away from your husbands mother.
Wasabe King

[Andy Ceponis]

Heres an idea.
Start being friends with his mom. Then avt like your gonna do her a huge favor by sending her on a trip to a remote tropical island. Buy her a 1 way ticket. Make sure she gets on the plane and your home free. Trust me on this one.....it works.

[Nancy]

My husband takes care her a lot. Even he is allowing right now her to go on walk nearby an apartment for 10 min because of her health problem then how he will send her on trip alone? He will say let go together
Thanks
Nancy

Originally posted by Andy Ceponis:
Heres an idea.
Start being friends with his mom. Then avt like your gonna do her a huge favor by sending her on a trip to a remote tropical island. Buy her a 1 way ticket. Make sure she gets on the plane and your home free. Trust me on this one.....it works.

[Rahul Rathore]

Improving on Andy's idea. You might get his mom a love interest. Let her lover buy her the ticket to the tropical island. That way you would save the ticket money too.

[Nancy]

If I do something in a nice way so his mom go back to his father and daughter.
But they don't talk with each other right now. I don't know how I can do it?
Thanks
Nancy

[Ling Wu]

Originally posted by Nanjangud Nanjundaiah:
That thread should have been named Me, Myself and Janet

I'm not so sure that Nancy is Angela Jessi, Nanjangud. How come Nancy sounds like she doesn't have the full comand of English whereas Angela didn't seem so?

[Jim Yingst]

Perhaps Nancy and Angela share a computer, and Nancy sometimes posts without realizing that the system provides Angela's login by default? Or vice versa? The do seem to use the same IP address. Nancy, please clarify what's going on here - it's difficult to take you seriously under the circumstances.
[This message has been edited by Jim Yingst (edited June 27, 2001).]