Only fun forwards for fun ...

[Sachin Satija]

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which
reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Hand Job: $10.00

He checks his wallet for the necessary payment, then he walks up to the
bar
and beckons to one of the exceptionally attractive blondes serving
drinks to
an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she inquires, with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"Yep, I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives
the
handjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
Replies the man, "Well, then, wash your hands because I want a cheese
sandwich!"
_______________________________________________________________________________

Trade Name
In pharmacology, all drugs have two names - a trade name and a generic
name.
For example, the trade name of Tylenol is acetaminophen.
Aleve is known anaproxen,
Amoxil is amoxicillin,
and Advil is ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After
consideration
by a team of government experts, it recently announced it has settled
on the
generic name of "mycoxafloppin". Also considered were mycoxafailin,
mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud, dixafix and, of course, ibepokin.
_______________________________________________________________________________

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip and was shocked
to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman.

Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband
called out, Perhaps you should hear how all this came about...

I was driving home on the highway when I saw this young woman
looking tired and bedraggled. I brought her home and made her
a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten about in the fridge.

She was bare-footed so I gave her your good sandals which
you had discarded because they had gone out of style.

She was cold so I gave her the sweater which I bought you for
your birthday but you never wore because the color didnt suit you.

Her pants were torn, so I gave her a pair of your jeans,
which were perfectly good, but too small for you now.

Then, just as she was about to leave, she asked, Is
there anything else your wife doesnt use anymore?

[Sameer Jamal]

Originally posted by Sachin Satija:
> Are you the weakest link? Below are four (4)
> questions. You have to answer them instantly. You
> can't take your time, answer all of them immediately.
> OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are.
>
>
> Ready?> GO!!! (scroll down)
>
>
>
> First Question:
> You are participating in a race. You overtake the
> second person. What position are you in?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you
> are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second
> person and you take his place, you are second!
>
>
>
> Try not to screw up in the next question.
> To answer the second question, don't take as much time
> as you took for the first question.
>
>
>
>
> Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then
> you are...?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Answer: If you answered that you are second to last,
> then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you> overtake the LAST person?!
>
>
> You're not very good at this are you?
>
>
>
>
> Third Question: Very tricky math! Note: This must be
> done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or
> a calculator. Try it.
>
>
>
>
> Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now
> add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another
> 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Scroll down for answer..
>
> Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.
>
>
>
> Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is
> definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last
> question right?
>
>
> Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3.
> Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
>
>
>
>
>
> Answer: Nunu?
> NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question
> again
>
>
>
>
> KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE "SMART PEOPLE" IN
> YOUR LIFE
>
>

By answering all the above questions wrong I proved myself to be a normal human being.

[Sachin Satija]

Originally posted by Sameer Jamal:


By answering all the above questions wrong I proved myself to be a normal human being.

Cool ....BTW how did u take the manliness test

[Sameer Jamal]

Originally posted by Sachin Satija:


Cool ....BTW how did u take the manliness test

My gf said you dont require that test.

[Ramender Mall]

Originally posted by Sameer Jamal:


My gf said you dont require that test.

Compeleting your gf's and your conversation...
SJ's gf said "you dont require that test coz why appear for a test which u surely gonna fail darling"


Ramy..
(Before editing that appeared as if my gf said that to me )
[ December 15, 2005: Message edited by: Ramender Mall ]

[R K Singh]

Hay Enzoy!

1 ) A married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength,

Weakness, Opportunity , Threat) Analysis.
He said, my strength is my wife.
My weakness is my neighbours wife.
Opportunity comes when neighbour goes out.
Threat comes when I myself go out


2) Teacher tells a student a=b, b=c
implies a=c. Tell me an example.
Student : I love u - u love your
daughter - so I love your daughter.


3) Its funny when people discuss over
"love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would
like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".


4) What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of
money, multiplication of enemies &
division of friends


5) Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls .

These are the world's largest waterfalls and

the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that

we can hear the Niagara Falls?"




------------------------------------------------------------------------

Every man should get married some time; after all,
happiness is not the
only thing in life!!
--Anonymous


---------------------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair
that some men should
be happier than others.
--Oscar Wilde


----------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
--Scottish Proverb


----------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for
two years.
--Sam Kinison


----------------------------------------------------------------------
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you
expensive answers that your
wife will give you for free.
--Anonymous


---------------------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors know more about women than married men;
if they didn't, they'd
be married too.
--H. L. Mencken


---------------------------------------------------------------------
Men have a better time than women; for one thing,
they marry later;for
another thing, they die earlier.
--H. L. Mencken


----------------------------------------------------------------------
- "A man without a woman is like a fish without a
bicycle."
- U2


----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Marriage is a three-ring circus:
--engagement ring
---wedding ring
---suffering


---------------------------------------------------------------------
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows
why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone
wonders why.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.


----------------------------------------------------------------------
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of
one thing: either the car is new or the wife.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding
her way back to home
always.
--Anonymous


----------------------------------------------------------------------
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
anniversary?" She
said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her,
"How about the kitchen?"

--Anonymous


------------------------------------------------------------------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.


-------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours.
That was only for the estimate.
--Anonymous


-------------------------------------------------------------------
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.Then
the mud fell
off.
--Anonymous


---------------------------------------------------------------------
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too
late for the
garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump
in."
--Anonymous


---------------------------------------------------------------------
Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses
to get to
married.
He says "the wedding rings look like minature
handcuffs....."
--Anonymous

---------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your
wife yelling at
the
frontdoor, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after u
let him in!
--Anonymous


---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his
dearly parted mother
and
started back toward his car when his attention was
diverted to
another
man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be
praying with
profound
intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to
die? Why did you
have to die?" The first man approached him and said,
"Sir, I don't
wish to
interfere with your private grief, but this
demonstration of pain in
is
more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you
mourn so? Deeply? A
child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect
himself, then
replied "My wife's first husband."


----------------------------------------------------------------------
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband
leaned over, made a
wish
and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she
leaned over too
much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband
was stunned for a
while
but then smiled " It really works ! "



====================================

They call our language mother tongue�

Because the father seldom gets to speak.



It doesn�t matter how often a married man changes his job!

He still ends up with the same boss.



My wife and I always compromise.

I admit I am wrong and she agrees with me.



Don�t marry the person you want to live with,

marry the one you cannot live without�

But whatever you do, you will regret later.



Marriage in which one person is always right! And�

The other is a husband.

[R K Singh]

Hay Enzoy!

1 ) A married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength,

Weakness, Opportunity , Threat) Analysis.
He said, my strength is my wife.
My weakness is my neighbours wife.
Opportunity comes when neighbour goes out.
Threat comes when I myself go out


2) Teacher tells a student a=b, b=c
implies a=c. Tell me an example.
Student : I love u - u love your
daughter - so I love your daughter.


3) Its funny when people discuss over
"love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would
like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".


4) What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of
money, multiplication of enemies &
division of friends


5) Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls .

These are the world's largest waterfalls and

the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that

we can hear the Niagara Falls?"




------------------------------------------------------------------------

Every man should get married some time; after all,
happiness is not the
only thing in life!!
--Anonymous


---------------------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair
that some men should
be happier than others.
--Oscar Wilde


----------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
--Scottish Proverb


----------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for
two years.
--Sam Kinison


----------------------------------------------------------------------
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you
expensive answers that your
wife will give you for free.
--Anonymous


---------------------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors know more about women than married men;
if they didn't, they'd
be married too.
--H. L. Mencken


---------------------------------------------------------------------
Men have a better time than women; for one thing,
they marry later;for
another thing, they die earlier.
--H. L. Mencken


----------------------------------------------------------------------
- "A man without a woman is like a fish without a
bicycle."
- U2


----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Marriage is a three-ring circus:
--engagement ring
---wedding ring
---suffering


---------------------------------------------------------------------
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows
why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone
wonders why.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.


----------------------------------------------------------------------
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of
one thing: either the car is new or the wife.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding
her way back to home
always.
--Anonymous


----------------------------------------------------------------------
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
anniversary?" She
said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her,
"How about the kitchen?"

--Anonymous


------------------------------------------------------------------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.


-------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours.
That was only for the estimate.
--Anonymous


-------------------------------------------------------------------
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.Then
the mud fell
off.
--Anonymous


---------------------------------------------------------------------
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too
late for the
garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump
in."
--Anonymous


---------------------------------------------------------------------
Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses
to get to
married.
He says "the wedding rings look like minature
handcuffs....."
--Anonymous

---------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your
wife yelling at
the
frontdoor, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after u
let him in!
--Anonymous


---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his
dearly parted mother
and
started back toward his car when his attention was
diverted to
another
man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be
praying with
profound
intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to
die? Why did you
have to die?" The first man approached him and said,
"Sir, I don't
wish to
interfere with your private grief, but this
demonstration of pain in
is
more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you
mourn so? Deeply? A
child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect
himself, then
replied "My wife's first husband."


----------------------------------------------------------------------
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband
leaned over, made a
wish
and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she
leaned over too
much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband
was stunned for a
while
but then smiled " It really works ! "



====================================

They call our language mother tongue�

Because the father seldom gets to speak.



It doesn�t matter how often a married man changes his job!

He still ends up with the same boss.



My wife and I always compromise.

I admit I am wrong and she agrees with me.



Don�t marry the person you want to live with,

marry the one you cannot live without�

But whatever you do, you will regret later.



Marriage in which one person is always right! And�

The other is a husband.

[Stuart Ash]

A lot of anti-uxoriations in this thread. The Java Ranch, or at least this thread, has become an outlet for pent-up frustration of bad marriages as it seems. Is Mr Singh, or anyone else, going through a particularly bad marital experience??

[R K Singh]

Originally posted by Stuart Ash:
A lot of anti-uxoriations in this thread. The Java Ranch, or at least this thread, has become an outlet for pent-up frustration of bad marriages as it seems. Is Mr Singh, or anyone else, going through a particularly bad marital experience??

so you are that ONLY lucky person who is living happily ever after marriage

[Sameer Jamal]

If having a gf is that much, painfull how much for having a wife ?.

[Stuart Ash]

Originally posted by R K Singh:


so you are that ONLY lucky person who is living happily ever after marriage

The grass on the other side is always greener, as it seems. Thus, despite possible enticements, I am blissfully single.

[R K Singh]

Originally posted by Stuart Ash:
The grass on the other side is always greener, as it seems. Thus, despite possible enticements, I am blissfully single.

There is saying in Hindi, "Marriage is like a Laddu(a sweet , which has lot of concentrated fat/clarified butter(Desi Ghee), which may lead to loose-motion but very tasty) if you taste it then you are going to regret it(because of losse motion), if you dont taste it still you are going to regret it(cause you have not tasted it).

AW enjoy bachelorhood

[R K Singh]

> Subject: UK Requirement
>
> Dear Friends,
> Please do not take this for a junk letter. Bill
> Gates is sharing his
> fortune. If you ignore this you will repent later.
> Microsoft and AOL are
> now the largest Internet companies and in an effort
> to make sure that I
> nternet Explorer remains the most widely used
> program, Microsoft and AOL
> are running an e-mail beta test.
>
> When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft
> can and will track it
> (if you are a Microsoft Windows user) for a two week
> time period.
>
> For every person that you forward this e-mail to,
> Microsoft will pay you
> $245.00, for every person that you sent it to that
> forwards it on,
> Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and for every third
> person that receives
> it, you will be paid $241.00. Within two week! s,
> Microsoft will contact
> you for your address and then send you a cheque.
>
> Regards.
> Charles S. Bailey
> General Manager Field Operations
> 1-800-842-2332 Ext. 1085 or 904-245-1085 or RNX
> 292-1085
> [email protected]
> <mailto:[email protected]>
>

[Sameer Jamal]

I think marriages are made in "Hell" not "Heaven"

[R K Singh]

Originally posted by Sameer Jamal:
I think marriages are made in "Hell" not "Heaven"

Marriages are made in heaven to make life hell

[Sameer Jamal]

R.k I am going to forward all this to your wife.

[Ramender Mall]

A young man walked into a jeweler's shop late one Friday,
with a Beautiful young lady on his side. "I'm looking for

a special ring for My girlfriend" he said. The jeweler looks
through his stock, and takes Out an outstanding ring priced
at �4500. "I don't think you understand ... I want something
very unique", he said.

At that, the jeweler went and fetched his special stock from
the safe. "Here's one stunning ring at �33000." The girls'

eyes sparkled, and The young man said that he would take it.
"How are you paying?"

"I'll pay by cheque, but of course you would want to make sure
that everything is in order, so I'll write a cheque and you can phone
the bank on Monday and I'll collect the ring on Monday afternoon".

Monday morning a very irate jeweler phones the man. "You lied there's
no money in that account."

"I know, but can you imagine what a Fantastic WEEKEND I had?"






Ramy..

[Stuart Ash]

Originally posted by Ramender Mall:
A young man walked into a jeweler's shop late one Friday,
with a Beautiful young lady on his side. "I'm looking for

a special ring for My girlfriend" he said. The jeweler looks
through his stock, and takes Out an outstanding ring priced
at �4500. "I don't think you understand ... I want something
very unique", he said.

At that, the jeweler went and fetched his special stock from
the safe. "Here's one stunning ring at �33000." The girls'

eyes sparkled, and The young man said that he would take it.
"How are you paying?"

"I'll pay by cheque, but of course you would want to make sure
that everything is in order, so I'll write a cheque and you can phone
the bank on Monday and I'll collect the ring on Monday afternoon".

Monday morning a very irate jeweler phones the man. "You lied there's
no money in that account."

"I know, but can you imagine what a Fantastic WEEKEND I had?"






Ramy..

Hey!! That ring was priced �35000 not �33000!! Urgh! What distortion!!

[ankur rathi]

Originally posted by Stuart Ash:



Hey!! That ring was priced �35000 not �33000!! Urgh! What distortion!!

Hummm... so you were that Jeweler... I was not knowing the name.. thanks man.

[Stuart Ash]

Originally posted by rathi ji:


Hummm... so you were that Jeweler... I was not knowing the name.. thanks man.

Of course not, I wasn;t the jeweler. I can't be two people at the same time!!

[Ramender Mall]

Originally posted by Stuart Ash:


Of course not, I wasn;t the jeweler. I can't be two people at the same time!!

You were that gal.........



Ramy............

[Stuart Ash]

Originally posted by Ramender Mall:


You were that gal.........



Ramy............

Why would the girl care about minor deviations in the price??

[Chetan Parekh]

My point exactly

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun.

When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?" The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

[Sameer Jamal]

A preaching minister's all the remaining rotting teeth had to be pulled out
and was given a new denture.
First Sunday he liked his new look but he felt uncomfortable. He had
preached barely ten minutes, he asked the listener's apology, explained that his
gums were so sore that it hurt to talk and he would shut up.
.
Again second week, he adjusted, barely preached twenty minutes and quieted
himself. He asked forgiveness and explained his dentures were hurting a lot.
.
But, to every one's surprised he talked on the third Sunday for one hour and
thirty minutes. Suddenly he noticed the bored, yawning, annoyed audience. He
realized what he had done and stopped.

So embarrassingly he apologized again and explained, "This morning, brothers
and sisters, in a rush, I came here to talk to you and accidentally I pushed
my wife's dentures in my mouth."

[Stuart Ash]

LOL, I thought it was a tongue thing!

[Sameer Jamal]

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Anewala Pal Jaane Wala Hai,Anewala Pal Jaane Wala Hai,Jitne Ho Sake Utne Sms Bhejdalo.Ek Mahine Baad Phir Se Charge Lagnewala Hai.

Barsenge Barsenge Kal Phir SMS barsenge,Tumhari Lakhon Muskaan Ke Khatir,Hum Dedh Rupiya Bhi Karchenge.

Darde Dil Mein Gam Ki Kaliyan Khilti Hain, Ab To Tanhayi Aksar Humse Milti Hai,Aapne Bandh Kiya Jabse SMS Karna, Mobile Ki Battery Jyada Chalti Hai.

Voices by different countries women during sex...USA : Yeah.....Yeah....UK : C'mon baby.....India: Uyi Maa...Pak : Bhai Jaan....Dhirese..Ammi Jag Jyegi...

Zandu Balm,Zandu Balm,Gote karde Jam,Lund ki Khujli Dur Kare,Chut ko De Aaram,Zandu Balm, Zandu Balm..

Miranda Condom: Zor ka Jhatka Dhire Se LageMRF Condom: Extra Rubber Extra MilageMOOV Condom: Aah se Aaha TakIODEX Condom: Andar Tak Jaye Aaram Dilaye

Miya aur bibi me bhayanak jhagda ho gaya.Miya gusse se titmilata hua chillaya- gaand maar doonga!!!Bibi boli:"Aage ki to sochte nahin, bus peeche pade rehte ho.."

Once a elephant asked a camel:"Why do u have boobs on ur back?"Camel replied:"thats a fucking good question from someone with a dick on his face."

Laloo bada chalak hai, 9 bacho ka baap hai,loloo bada nirala hai,Daswe aanewala hai,ye andar ki baat hai, isme atal ka haath hai....

Zindagi mein tum bahut AAGE jaooge....kyunki tum jahan bi jaaoge,log kahenge....................chal chal......AAGE jaa!!

Maine poocha chandse ke dekha hein kahin,mere yaar sahaseen,Chand na kaha," Gandu!!! Itane upar se kya GHANTA dikhega?"

Dosti karo collegewali se,Pyar karo officewali se,Programme karo padoswali se,Ankh ladao sali se,love karo dil wali se,aur maar khao Gharwali se....

Bekabu hai dil firbhi jiye ja raha hu,khali hai botal firbhi piye ja raha hu,majburi to dekho is dil ki,reply nahin milta,firbhi SMS kiye ja raha hu..

Every morning U R the 1st thing that come 2 my mind. I wish I would start my day with U in my Bed. I Love Ur Feel to my Lips. U just make
my day. I Love You. NESCAFE )

When I C the moon I C U, When I C the stars I C U, when I C the Sea I C U, get out of the way you are blocking my view.

People Live.. People Die.. People Laugh.. People Cry.. Some Give Up.. Some Will Try.. Some Say Hi.. Some Say Bye.. Others mayforget U but... Never Shall I ;

Bhagwan se Scooter manga.. Car di; Ghar manga.. bangla diya; dost manga toh tumhey diya.. Bhagwan ne isbar aisa zulm kyoun kiya )

There is a meeting at Mental Hospital all doctors, nurses & attendents are present but meeting have not started Bcoz patient is busy in reading this SMS.

Take My Eyes but let me c u. Take my mind but let me think about u.Take my hand but let me touch u. But if u want to take my heart, its already with U.

Friends are like pieces of puzzle. If you lose one .. it will never be Complete again.Just want you to know you are one of the pieces, I cant afford to lose.

Din ko chain nahi, raat ko aram nahi.Jee na lage kahi, E khuda kya yahi pyar hai ?Arey Pagal.. yeh pyar nahi .....Aajka 44 degree celcius temperature hai.

My friend, the best quality that i like about u is that, U R very sentimental .... (10% Senti and 90% Mental).

Que : What is the similarity between Sardar n donkey ???Ans : Both look cute when they are young but they get into transport business when they grew up.

Difference between a hen and prostitute? Hen: Cock-a-doodle do. Pros: Any cock will do.

GIRL: Doc, my boobs are hard & aching. DOC: Let me see (feels them & makes faces) GIRL: DOC! Is it bad?!! DOC: Not only bad- it's contagious! My dick s hard & Aching!

Q. Why do orgasms exist? A. Because, otherwise people wouldn't know when to stop fucking each other!!

Woman complaining to dentist: "I'd rather get pregnant than have a tooth filled!" Dentist: Decide so I can adjust the chair accordingly..!

Why women love gold more than men? Because gold has 24 carrot whereas man has only one carrot.

A priest saw a girl removing her blouse. The priest prayed: God, please close my eyes. When he opened his eyes, the girl was naked This time he prayed God please close your eyes.

AGE OF BOOBS: 14 to 16 LEMON, 17 to 22 ORANGE 23 to 28 MANGO, 29 to 40 TENDER COCONUT, 41 to 55 USED PILLOW, 56 to 65 AIR REMOVED BALLOON.

3 Sardar were stroking there cock very fast n hard in restaurant. waitress: What the hell r u doin? Sardar:V r hungry & the menu says "FIRST CUM FIRST SERVE".

Newton's 3 laws. 1.Every man has a pole, woman has a hole 2.When pole enters hole, it produces a new soul 3.When hand in motion, it produces lotion.

Priest lost his COCK, asked during mass: Any1 got a cock? All men stood up. I mean anyone seen a cock? All women stood up. I meant any1 seen my cock? All nuns stood up.

What do u get when u have sex with a judge, banker & architect? Judge- Honourable discharge. Banker- Premature withdrawal. Architect- Illegal erection.

The 'F' rule:- Find her..., Friend her..., Flirt her..., Finger her..., Fuck her..., Forget her.
Doctor says: A penis is the greatest breakfast because it has a mushroom head, a hotdog, 2 eggs and cream which provides all the nutrients 2 make women healthy.

Woman's prayer: Oh holy man, lay down with me on a holy bed, let your holy pole enter my holy hole so that your holy water can produce a holy soul...aaahhh.

What is the difference between secretary & private secretary? Ans: secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR & private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR.

Love is not measured by hugging, kissing & sex, love is respect and trust, accepting person with open legs and closed eyes, wet lips saying "push it more.."

Whats the difference btween a microwave oven and a woman? A microwave oven doesn't scream when u put a piece of meat in it.

A Girl asks her lover, will you love me like this after marriage also? Boy: Yes, only if your husband does not have any problem.

What is a kiss? Kiss is an enquiry in the 1st floor about the vacancy in the ground floor.

What is the height of safe SEX?....... person Masturbating with CONDOM on.

Why do women have their breast on top? Because if they had it down, the 'PUSSY' would drink all the milk !

Guy says: Remember the 1st time I used alcohol as a substitute for girl. Wat happen? Asked his friend. Guy: Well, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.

5 road signs which best describe female organs 1.deep excavation 2. Slippery when wet 3. Stop on red signal 4. Slow down curves and hump 5. Men at work

A guy walks up to a sexy babe n asks her if she would like to take part in a magic trick. She said OK. He says lets go to my place we fuck and then I disappear.

Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I Press u in my car. Up above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let me suck u don't feel shy, in the braziers u will die

Man walked into ladies toilet. Lady who was inside shouted 'THIS IS EXCLUSIVELY FOR WOMEN'. The man, unzipping his pants said, 'THIS TOO'!

Mobile is the only thing that a man proudly says - Mine is smaller than yours!

I Tried Phone Sex Once, But The Holes Were Too Small.

Q: Why is the waist called a waist? A: Because anything below the tits & above the pussy is a "waste"!

A woman gave birth to 6 babies, on seeing this she got off the hospital bed and slapped her husband and shouted, "I told u not to do in doggy style."

Girl says: Mom, our neighbor's son have penis like peanut. Mom: Is it too small? Girl: No, its salty!!

Dear lady subscribers: due to a fault in magnetic field and signals of our service your handsets will vibrate for one hour So keep it in your pussy & enjoy! *Customer Care*

God in his wisdom and His love,very often sends His angels down to walk with us.We know them best as Friends.......

Introduction is possible anytime,Love is possible sometime.Marriage is possible one time,but a sweet friend like u is possible once in a lifetime.

Friendship is a promise made in the heart...Silent.Unwritten....Unbreakable by distance...Unchangeable by time...

C the sky,U will C God's grace;C the rain,U will dance once again;C the moon,U will C the depth of the lake;C the mirror,U will see God's greatest asset.

I ask God 2 make U happy,make U smile,guide u safely through every mile,Grant u wealth,Give u health,And most of all give u strong memoryso u don't 4get me.

Dreams visit us when we are asleep - but God is truly wise.He wakes us each day & gives us every chance to make our dreams come true.

A friend is a gift, a gift to share.A gift from a package marked handle with care.I want u to know that u are one of the best gifts i received.Take Care.

When U are feeling stressed & about to breakdown - my friend,just remember STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backwards.It's a piece of cake!!!

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U .........Zthe one who invented alphabetswas a genius, but he made a sillymistake bu keeping "U" & "I" so far.

ABC: Allways Be Careful; DEF : Dont Ever Forget (me)JKLM:Just keep loving MeNOPQRSTUVW: No other person quite right shall treat u very well. ur loving XYZ.

Science has proved that sugar dissolves in water.So u please dont get wet in the rain, otherwise i will lose a sweet friend of mine!!!

Aam hai Khatte, Angoor hai Meethe, Shayari sunnewale hain ULLU KE PATTHE

Main hu yahan, tu hai wahan Main hu yahan, tu hai wahan Lifeboy hai jahan, Tandurusti hai wahan

Telephone- humne bhukhe rahekar aapko milaya phone, aapne khaate hue puchha hum aapke hain kaun ???

Usne Kaha.. usney kaha, bas itni mulaqat bohaut hai ro ro key kaha, theharo abhi raat bohaut hai aansoo merey thum jaaein, to phir shouq sey jana aisey mein kahan jaogey, barsaat bohaut hai

Laajawaab Shayri.... tere hothon se lag kar yeh hawa sharab ban gayi aankhon se lag kar yeh hijaab ban gayi aur gaalon se lag kar yeh gulab ban gayi. sach hi kahti hai yeh duniya jaaneman ki mujh se mil kar tu laajawaab ho gayi

Pyaar Nahin... Har baat ka matlab inkaar nahin hota, Har jagah par baithana intezaar nahin hota, Yun to milti hai hazaron se nazrein, Har nazar ka milna pyaar nahin hota.

Tajmahal kya cheez hai, isse badi imarat banaunga, Mumtaz toh marke dafan hui thi, tuzhe toh mein zinda dafnaunga.

Zindagi Ka Itihaas....... tujhse zindagi bhar pyar karne ka armaan hai mera, mujhe bhool mat jaana, ki main ban jaun itihaas tumhara.

AANSU....... AANSUO SE PALKE BHIGO LETA HOON YAAD TERI AATI HAI TO RO LETA HOON SOCHA KI BHOOLA DOO TUJHE MAGAR
HAR BAAR FAISLA BADAL DETA HOON

Loot Liya Husn Walon Ne...... Aur bhi bahut si cheezain loot chu-ki hai dil ke saath Ye bataya Doston ne Ishq furmane ke baad Is liye Kumrey ki ek-ek cheez "Check" karta hoon main "Ek tere aane se Pehle, ek tere jaane ke Baad"

Unki zulfoon pe pyaar aaya Paas ja kar dekha tu sardar paya

Duniya Se Jo Darre, Usse Kaayar Kehte Hain, Duniya Jisse Darre, Usse Shaayar Kehte Hain, Biwi Se Jo Darre, Usse Shohar Kehte Hain.

Kahi Dhoop Kahi Chaao kahi dhoop kahi chaao Kaao Kaao Kaao

Shishi Bhari Gulab Ki.. Shishi Bhari Gulab ki.. Pathar Se Tod Du Tumse Achha koi Mile to Tumko Chhod doon.

behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied man.but behind a satisfied woman, there is an exhausted man

an arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.you name pls. " abdul aziz "sex? " six times a week!! "no, no, I mean male or female! "doesn't matters, sometimes even camel!!! "

what makes a happy man?daughter on the cover of cosmo.son on the cover of sports illustratedmistress on the cover of playboyand .... wife on the cover of " missing persons "

teacher: what do you want to become?li'l Johnny: doctor !!teacher: why?lj: coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it

woman complaining to dentist it ' s so painful, I ' d rather have a baby than have a tooth removed.dentist make up your mind soon, I ' ll adjust the chair
accordingly.

old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN. the engraver shortened it to " RETURNED UNOPENED "

a kid asked the priest " father, what is your pastime? "the priest tapped the kid ' s shoulder and replied "Nun, my child, nun "

75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.on their first night both were crying. why???coz she didn ' t know anything, and he had forgotten everything

Bewafa tum ho to wafadaar hum bhi nahi, besharam tum ho to sharamdaar hum bhi nahi, pyaar ke is mode par aake kehte ho shadishuda ho to kya hua darling...kunware hum bhi nahin!

Touch it gently.. Put ur finger inside.. If hole is big put three fingers..Rub it up & down gently .......... that's the right way of
washing the glass!!!

What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping and is responsible for making love? It's.............................................HEART.

Boy: "Pura andar gaya?" Madam: "Haan gaya." Boy: "Dard hua kya?" Madam: "Bahut hua" Boy: "Chalo doosra sandal try kartay hai madam!"

Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.Waiter : Yes Sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.Waiter : That's all right, Sir, he won't drink much.

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.Waiter : So what! do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?Waiter : I wouldn't know, Sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.Waiter : Funny? But why aren't you laughing?

Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?Father : No. Why do you ask that?Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?

Peter : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green andone is blue with red spots!Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.

Wife : Do you want dinner?Husband : Sure, what are my choices?Wife : Yes and no. First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!! "Second Guy : "You're fortunate, mine's still alive."

A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order,
order." The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you,your honour, I'll have a scotch and soda."

Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Penang in two days time?Post Master : Well it might do.Customer : I bet you, it won't.Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Johor.

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things. 'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

Man : How old is your father?Boy : As old as me.Man : How can that be?Boy : He became a father only when I was born. Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the fieldTeacher : How?Student : Ladies first.

A lady went to a restaurant and ordered a bowl of soup.Lady : Waiter, what is this soup called?Waiter : It is called special chicken soup.Lady : But I see no chicken in it!Waiter : That's why it's so special!


Question : Why did you throw the butter out of the window ?Answer : I wanted to see a butterfly.

Marriage... A Man's Perspective! I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was... Always. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt.
------
Marriage is a 3-ring circus:Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.
------
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked,"What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
------
In the beginning, God created earth and rested Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
------
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?Dad: That happens in every country, son.
------
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
-----
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still
alive."

How do most men define marriage?An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied,"I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.

You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.

Love...and you shall be loved.

God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him.

All people smile in the same language.

A hug is a great gift... one size fits all. It can be given for any occasion and it's easy to exchange.

Everyone needs to be loved...especially when they do not deserve it.

The real measure of a man's wealth is what he has invested in eternity.

Laughter is God's sunshine.

Everyone has beauty but not everyone sees it.

It's important for parents to live the same things they teach.

Thank God for what you have, TRUST GOD for what you need.

If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow

you have no today to be thankful for.

Man looks at outward appearance but the Lord looks within.

The choice you make today will usually affect tomorrow.

Take time to laugh, for it is the music of the soul.

If anyone speaks badly of you, live so none will believe it.

Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.

Love is strengthened by working through conflicts together.

The best thing parents can do for their children is to love each other.

Harsh words break no bones but they do break hearts.

To get out of a difficulty, one usually must go through it.

We take for granted the things that we should be giving thanks for.

Love is the only thing that can be divided without being diminished.

Happiness is enhanced by others but does not depend upon others.

For every minute you are angry with someone, you lose 60 seconds of happiness that you can never get back.

Do what you can, for who you can, with what you have, and where you are. ~Author Unknown~

To live a life, one needs brains, reflex, perception, looks, IQ, knowledge, way of _expression & many more mental qualities. Hats off 2 u coz u manage 2 live without them.

*If u hide, i'll seek 4 u. If u r lost, i'll search 4 u. If u'll leave, i'll wait 4 u. If days take u away 4m me, i'll fight 4 u. But, if u stop sending msgs, i'll kill you.

*I saw something in a shop window. It was stunning, cute, simply adorable. I was supposed 2 buy it 4 u, then I realised it was my reflection.

*Can u pronounce good english:- read along woof, roof, loof, shoof, shoof, woof, loof, roof, poof, woof woof, hoof, woof, roof, shoof. Test results: U r a good dog. Now stop barking.

*Once god came up 2 me & granted me a wish. I asked 4 "world peace". That's impossible, he said. Then I asked him 2 give u brains. He said "Let me try world peace"

*Shah Jahan Ne Taj Mahal Ki Har Deewar Ko Dekha, Har Meenar Ko Dekha, Har Kaleen Ko Dekha, Har Khidki Se Dekha... Aur Bola... Maa Kasam, Bahut Kharcha Ho Gaya !!!

*Good morning...Have u done two of the most important things when you wake up today? 1)Pray, so that u may live... 2)Take a bath-so that others may live too!

*Dark were those days, without your sight. When I was in darkness, you gave me light. You gave me strength 2 make life bright. Thank you so much PHILIPS TUBELIGHT !

*I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u". Hey! Don't get excited, I love other alphabets too...v, w, x, y, z !

*Please remind me 2 remind U about reminding me to send U this reminder that reminds me of reminding U that U never have to remind me 2 remember U, I ALWAYS DO!

*I Love You. I Love You. I Love You. I Love You. I Love You. I Love You. I Love You. That's because Meneka Gandhi says "Love Animals" !

*A - U'r Attractive B - U'r D Best C - U'r Cute D - U'r Dear 2 me E - U'r Excellent F - U'r Funny G - U'r Gud Looking H - He He He I - I'm J - Just K - Kidding

*This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, an cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat,20 cat, seconds cat !... Now read it without the word cat.

*God created the earth, God created the woods, God created you too, but yes, even God makes mistakes!

*Tusi bade gr8 ho, rsgule di pl8 ho, cok di cr8 ho, ande da oml8 ho, sms krne me bde la8 ho, jlebi di tra str8 ho. Par jo bhi ho, tusi mere fav8 ho

*Life without u is impossible. U r in my blood. Cannot stay for a sec without u. If there u aren't, I'm dead. Excuse me, I'm talking of oxygen.

*I need you... I love you... I can't go anywhere without you... Oh my lovely... SHOES !

*U r the one whose so smart,U r the one whose so charming, U r the one whose so caring, U r the one whose so good looking. And, I'm the one who is spreading these rumors.

*Sincere Apology : If u dont like any of my SMS n dont like 2 read, then plz dont hesitate, feel free to..... Throw ur mobile.

*What is true friendship ? U cry & I cry. U sad, I sad, U laughing, I laughing, U jump out of window... I look down... I am still laughing !

*Macchar ne jo kata... dil main mere junoon tha. Khujli hui itni... dil be sukoon tha. Pakada to chod diya yeh soch kar ki.... sale ki ragon main apna hi khoon tha ! [ Credits : Abhishek Bali ]

*Khuda kare tera mobile kho jaye. Mile mujhe aur mera ho jaye. Karu SMS ladkion ko naam tera aae. Maar tujhe pade aur kaleja mera thanda ho jae. [ Credits : Kamal Chopra ]

*Your network tariff has changed. Call charges are now calculated according to brain size. The smaller the cheaper........ You can make free calls!

Aisa bhi nahin hai keI don't like your face.Par dil ke storage meinno more disk space...
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Ghar se jab tum nikalepehen ke reshmi gown.Jaane kitne dilon kaho gaya server down...
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Jabse meri zindagi mein,aayi hai ik female.Bhool gaya hai sab kuchh kya mailbox, kya e-mail...
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Dil se ek ishq ki application create kar raha hoon. Pyaar se debug karna mein wait kar raha hoon...
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Tumhaare intezaar mein neend aayee so gaya. Yeh dekho mera connection time out ho gaya...
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Kal jab mile thhe to dil mein hua ek sound. Aur aaj mile to kehte hain your file not found!
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Jo muddat se hota aaya hai, woh repeat kar doonga... Tu naa mili to apni zindagi ctrl+alt+delete kar doonga...
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Shayad mere pyar ko taste karna bhool gaye... Dil sey aisa cut kiya ke paste karna bhool gaye...
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Laakhon honge nigaah mein kabhi mujhe bhi pick karo... Mere pyaar ke icon pe kabhi to double-click karo...
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Roz subha hum karte hain pyar se unhe good morning...Woh aise ghoor ke dekte hain jaise 0 errors aur 5 warning...
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Nazar mein to kai hain aur shaayad lonely hain... Problem yehi hai ki voh ab read only hain...
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LIFE IS FOR LIVING,I LIVE 4 USONGS ARE 4 SINGING,I SING 4 U FRIENDS R FOR CARING, I CARE 4 UANGELS R 4 KEEPING CAN I KEEP U
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KABHI TO KI HOGI SURAJ NE CHAND SE MOHABBATTABHI TO CHAND ME DAAG HAIN,SHAYAD CHAND NE KI HOGI BEWAFAI
ISLIYE SURAJ ME AAG HAI
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GATES OF MEMORIES, NEVER CLOSEHOW I REMEMBER U, NO 1 KNOWS.DAYS WILL PASS N BECOMES YEARSILL REMEMBER U IN MY SILENT TEARS
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LIFE IS LIKE A BOOK;EACH DAY A NEW PAGEWITH ADVENTURES 2 EXPERIENCE,LESSON 2 LEARN,AND GOOD DEEDS 2 REPLICATE
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sign post outside collegeDRIVE CAREFULLY;DONT KILL THE STUDENT,LEAVE IT TO THE LECTURES
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IF U ASK ME HOW LONG I WILL BE UR FRIEND,MY ANSWER WOULD BE DON'T KNOWCOS I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHICH 1 IS LONGER--
FOREVER OR ALWAYS.
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SHORT SKIRTS HAV A TENDENCY 2 MAKE MEN POLITEHAVE U EVER SEEN A MAN GET ON A BUS AHEAD OF ONE ?
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HASNE KE BAAD KYU RULATI HAI DUNIYA ?JAANE KE BAA KYU BULATI HAI DUNIYA?ZINDAGI MEIN KYA KUCH KASAR BAKI THI
JO MARNE KE BAD JALATI HAI DUNIYA?
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MOBILES R IRRITATING,RINGS EVERY NOW AN THEN RECHARGING BATTERYMESSAGES GET DELAYEDBUT ONE THING I LUV ABT IT
IT CONNECTS ME AND YOU

read it carefully its very lovely...is dil se teri yaad bhulai nahi jaati,ye pyar ki daulat hai lutai nahi jati,marmar se banaye hai tasvir mohabat ki,ab apni hathonse mitai nahi jati ,kya kare, is dil se teri yaad bhulai nahi jati!

kaash hum SMS hote.Ek click mein tumhare paas hote,bhale tum hame delete kar dete. par kuch pal ke liye hum tumhara ehsaas to hote...

lamha lamha waqt gujar jayega,chand lamho main exam aa jayega,abhi bhi waqt hai do line pad lo, warna pass kya tera sasur karvayega.

muskurana jindagi hai,muskarakar gam bhulana jindagi hai,jeet kar hanse to kya hanse,haarkar khushia manana jindagi hai.

hichkiyon se ek baat ka ehsaas hota hai ki shayad koi hame yaad to karta hai,beshak milne na aaye par kuch lamhe hum par barbaad to karta hai

put ur left hand on ur right shoulder and right hand on ur left shoulder.Guess what...!are mamu meri taraf se ek JADU KI ZAPPI hai yaar.

y do v close our eyes wen v pray,wen v cry,wen v kiss,wen v dream,coz d most beautiful things in life r unseen & felt only by heart...

tumhare liye main chaand taare bhi tod du,honda city, opel astra, mercedes tak chopd du.ae dost itna kaafi hai ya do-chaar jhooth aur bol du?

i cant predict my future,i cant cant change my past,i have present moment to me i will enjoy it as my last.

Arz hai:koi pathar se na maare mere diwane ko .......Nuclear power ka zamana hai bomb se uda do saale ko...!!

they say dat any number multiplied by zero is zero,thn y dosent the same happen whn i multiply zero with the distance between u n me??/

teacher:what happened in the year 1869?Raj:Gandhiji was born.teacher:wat happened in 1872?Sardar:gandhiji was 3yrs old.

pyar karne wale ki kismat buri hoti hai,har mulakat judai ki ghadi hoti hai,waqt mile to rishte ki kitab padh lena,dosti har rishte se badi hoti hai.

kalki yaad aati hai,kuch lamho se aankhen bhar aati hai,woh subha rangeen woh shaam nirali kho jaati hai,jab aap jaise dost ki yaad aati hai.

take me to a lonely place,make sure no one's watchin.rip me naked.hold me by my waist.take me to ur lips & hv a break .urs truly kit kat

if u touch &do not feel then its a desire,if u do not touch & u do not feel the its nothing but if u do not touch & feel its a $$ LOVE$$.

night has ended 4 another day,morning has come in a special way.may u smile like the sunny rays n leave ur worries 4 sum other day

pyar ke jaam ko aisa na piyo ke aadha piya aur aadha chod diya ,yaaroon ye pyaar hai pyaar koi VIM baar nahi \,jo thoda sa lagaya aur bas ho gaya!!

sardar apne bete ko:ye tu kaise maachis laya gadhe.ek bhi tilli nahi jalti.BETA:kya baat karte ho!ek-ek check karke laaya hu!

chand par kaali ghata chahti to hogi,sitaronn ko muskurahat aatyo to hogi,aap laakh chupao duniya se magar akele me aapko apni shakal; pe hansi aati to hogi.

Difference b/w panties of 1970 & 2000 :- In the 70's you had to pull down panties to see the buttocks,In 2000, you have to seperate the buttocks to see the panties.

What is the difference between a Cricketer and a Condom?Cricketer drops the catch, and a Condom catchs the drops.

Did you know that Condoms have serial nos?It's on the rim.....U dont know that...?It's okay...It's probably becoz you dont roll them that far anyway....

Why are women known as the best architects?Coz theyare the only one who can demolish an erection without damaging the structure...

Q.Why does the pleasure of Sex diminish after marriage?A: Because the realisation hits u that u are in bed with a relative.

Whats the difference between a Kiss,a Car, & a Monkey?A kiss is so Dear,A car is too Dear,& the Monkeyis you Dear.

What do u call a dead drunk Parsi? BEJAAN DARUWALAWhat do u call a parsi pimp? NAARI CONTRACTORWhat is a parsi test tube baby known as? BATLIBOI

Husband ask,"Do u know meaning of WIFE - Without Information Fighting Everytime!!!"Wife replies,"It means - With Idiot For Ever!!!

When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would not hesitate to think of that special someone. Then, you are in love. You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend", but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction. At that moment, you are in love.

If you are much more excited for one short e-mail from that special someone than other many long e-mails, you are in love. When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the messages in your answering machine because of one message from that special someone, you are in love.

Although that special someone was supposed to have called you long back, to let you know of their safe arrival, your phone is quiet. You are desperately waiting for the call! At that moment, you are in love.

When you are together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person. But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them. At that moment, you are in love.

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head, Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, Doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end. The Message [Bible], 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 -


Dekha tujhe to rooh khush ho gayi, Ek kami thi vo bhi puri ho gayi, Pagal hain vo log jo kehte hain ki, Chimpanzi ki aakhri nasal kahin kho gayi!!

: FRIENDSHIP I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let's face it, friends make life a lot more fun. Charles R. Swindoll

"Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself the most comforting words of all: This, too, shall pass." --Ann Landers

): Patience with others is Love, Patience with self is Hope, Patience with God is Faith. Adel Bestavr

): Whats the difference between a Kiss,a Car, & a Monkey? A kiss is so Dear, A car is too Dear, & the Monkey is you Dear.

The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved -- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. Victor Hugo

): Barsenge barsenge kal fir SMS barsenge, Teri 25 paise ki muskaan par hum fir 1 rupya kharchenge!!

Spell Mohabbat M - Maut O - Oljhan H - Haadsa A - Aansoo B - Barbaadi B - Bewafai A - Andhera T - Tanhaai

Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start." ~~Nido Qubein

Come here, take off ur pants+get on top of me. Enjoy urself until u r fully statisfied. Lovingly urs, ==== "'I____"TOILET" -.t""""") _ __(_

is duniya main dost kam milenge, is duniya main gum hi gum milenge, jaha duniya nazar pher legi, us mod pe dost tumhe "HUM MILENGE"........

The truth [is] that there is only one terminal dignity-love. And the story of a love is not important-what is important is that one is capable of love. It is perhaps the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity. ~ Helen Hayes

Love is always bestowed as a gift -- freely, willingly, and without expectation.... We don't love to be loved; we love to love. ~ Leo Buscaglia

"People spend too much time finding other people to blame, too much energy finding excuses for not being what they are capable of being, and not enough energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of the past, and getting on with their lives." -- J. Michael Straczynski

As Long As You're Near The first time we met I could see, That you and I were meant to be. Your eyes were so gentle, Your smile so true, When you first held my hand I just knew. Now the time has gone by Through laughter and tears, These days I shall cherish for years upon years. Those memories we have shall never fade, For those are the steps that we have made. That was the past, The future is near, I anxiously wait for what will appear. New homes, more laughter, children so dear, Everything will be wonderful as long as you're near. - Cristy Smith -

Friends A friend is someone we turn to when our spirits need a lift, A friend is someone we treasure for our friendship is a gift. A friend is someone who fills our lives with beauty, joy, and grace And makes the whole world we live in a better and happier place. - Jean Kyler McManus
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. - Anonymous -

Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility... It is therefore able to undertake all things, and it completes many things, and warrants them to take effect, where he who does not love would faint and lie down. Love is watchful and sleeping, slumbereth not. Though weary, it is not tired; though pressed, it is not straitened; though alarmed, it is not confounded... - Thomas A. Kempis -

Forget everything I said it's back to the beginning. This is pure madness - like watching an episode of Faulty Towers

The person you consider ignorant and insignificant is the one who came from God, that he might learn bliss from grief and knowledge from gloom." -Kahlil Gibran, "The Visit of Wisdoam"

GOD MADE MEN BEFORE WOMEN BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS MAKE A ROUGH SKETCH BEFORE CREATING THE ORIGINAL MASTER-PIECE,,,,, : o ) "

Love is a sign from the heavens that you are here for a reason. - J. Ghetto -

Love is not blind - It sees more and not less, but because it sees more it is willing to see less. - Will Moss -

When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out. - Elizabeth Bowen -
Love is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important. - Lisa Hoffman -
Age does not protect you from love but love to some extent protects you from age. - Jeanne Moreau -

Love is friendship set on fire. - Jeremy Taylor -
A friend is :
1% Funny
2% Sweet
3% Caring
4% Loving
and ...
90% Good Looking
That's Y
I'm Ur Friend


I Wish 4 u;
Gr8 start 4 Monday
No Obstacles 4 Tuesday
No Stress 4 Wednesday
No Worry 4 Thursday
Smile 4 Friday
Party 4 Saturday
Great Fun 4 Sunday
Have a beautiful week


Q) If Draupati will be reborn in 21st Century, who will she marry?
a) Amitabh Bacchan b) Amrish Puri
c) Amir Khan d) Govinda
A) AMIR KHAN kyunki woh paanch ke barabar hai (coca cola)


R is for Red
Red is 4 Blood
Blood is 4 Heart
Heart is 4 Miss
Miss is 4 U
U is 4 Me
Me is U
((Miss U))


V like each other bcoz
U think I'm nice,
I think u r nice;
U think I'm cool,
I think u r cool,
U think I'm sweet,
I think u r sweet,
U think I'm smart,
I think u r Right.



People Live, People Die,
People Laugh, People cry,
Some give up, Some will try,
Some say Hi, Some say Bye,
Others may Forget u.
But...HOW CAN I?


Tusi bade gr8 ho, rsgule di pl8 ho, cok di cr8 ho, ande da oml8 ho, sms krne me bde la8 ho, jlebi di tra str8 ho. Par jo bhi ho, tusi mere fav8 ho


Refresh UR Brain.
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== == ==FRIENDSHIP == == ==
Knows no Season, Knows no Time,
It has a sole intention.
Of bringing people together..
To a time..
Called."FOREVER"


C the Sky, U will C God's Grace,
C the Rain, U will dance once again,
C the moon, U will C the depth of lake,
C the mirror, U will C Gods Biggest Mistake.


Troubles are like as air, Luv as air, Luv as deep as ocean, friend as solid as diamonds, & success as bright as gold, These r Wishes 4 U, This day and Every Day..


Heart can only love 4a while u can put many relations in a file, u can make a desert from the nile, but u cant stop my smile when i see ur name on my mobile!!!


Time and Distance r unimportant between friends, When a friend is in ur heart, they remain there 4ever. I may be so busy, But I assure u r always in my Heart!!!


Could u email or post me ur photo very urgently its really urgent, dam serious and very important. I'm playing cards . and v've misplaved the JOKER!!!


Its hard to find Sum 1 whoz 99%Cute, 98% Sweet, 95% loving, 90% down 2 earth, Dats Me , Wot a waste if u loode me.So betta keep in touch.


Kya bindas hawa chal rahele hain, birdy gana ga rahele hai, Cowlog grass eat rahele hain, Shane Log SMS kar rele hai aur Dhakan log Sms padh rele hai.


We met , it was my chance, we met once against was my luck, v became friends, it was my destiny, v r still friends its ur decision, we will always be friends, that's a promise.



I HV A CONFESSION 2 MAKE! EVER SINCE I'VE KNOWN U, ITS KIND A HARD 4 ME 2 4GET U. EVERY NITE U APPEAR IN MY DREAM & I FIND MYSELF SHOUTING BHOOT BHOOT ....!


Some one is missing u...need u..worries about u.lonely w'out u.GUESS WHO? The monkey in the zoo..


I pray 2 god 2, Bless U, Guide U, Save U, Give u peace joy and $10000000. 50-50 ok?You also pray!!!

King like money, bee like honey, but I like u..don't get excited..i like monkey to.


I AM IN HOSPITAL
NOW.
AFTER 5 MINS, I WILL B TRANSFERED 2 A SYRGERY ROOM.
THE DOCTOR TOLD ME,
I WILL DIE IF I STOP
RECIEVING UR SMS.


Days r 2 busy, Hours r 2 few.seconds r 2 fast..but there is always a time for me to ask ."HOW R U" ? Gud morning..


In times of difficulties, don't ever say" God I have a big problem" but instead "hey problem I have a big god" and every thing will be ok." God Bless you".


This is a magic !!Press Down 12 times u'll become Cute!!!

..
..
Abay cartoon!!at ur age u still believe in magic!!! Ha Ha..


Only open hearts receive Love, Only open minds receive Wisdom, Only open Hands receive Gifts, And..Only Special People Receive SMS from me.


Remember me day 2 day, remember me from far wary, if gravew shall be my bed, remember me when I am dead.


Hot Coffee!!
|
cl " " " l Specially
t_ _ _ j 4 u. I mixed it with 1 tbsp of luck 2 tbsp of hope 3 tbsp of smiles it'll make ur day happy-Gud Morning!!!


I saw u on the roas that day , u were looking so fine, ur face so divine, ur walk so perfect.. my heart started tossing sweet song 4 u..


Laugh like u've never cried, play like u've never lost, Love like u've never hurt, and live like there is no tomorrow. Have a "Bindas Day" every day!!! (Tension free!!)


Negative rthinking is the cause of physical and mental disorders but changing ourselves to think positive will change whole world for us (Gud Morning)


Gud Looks catch eye and gud personality catches a heart. U R blessed with both..Flattered??? Don't be. It was sent 2 me and I just wanted 2 read it.


Beat bola : papa papa I want to c Bandar.
Papa bole : Beta now Bandar is busy reading SMS.


When god opened the window of heaven he saw me and asked? What is ur wish 4 today?" I said: "Lord, Please take specially care of the person reading this message."


Someone may b in ur mind, Someone may b in ur heart, someone may b in yr life. But I am ur someone when no on is with u.PROMISE...


Tata ka status, Ambani Ki daulat,Vajpayee ki dhiraj, Ladden ki himmat, Bush Ki taqat, Gates ki income aur Clinton ki life..Bhagwan aapko de!!!


I asked god 4 world peace he said "Impossible" then I asked him 2 give u Brain. He said "I'll try 4 world peace".


Galileo : Great mind
Einstein : Genius mind
Newton : extra ordinary mind
Me : Master mind
U : Never Mind



U can be a doctor 2 save lives, a lawyer 2 defend lives, a soldier 2 protect lives or simply be yourself a fabulous person who touches lives!!!


B loving to those who love u, b loving 2 those who don't love u, and they may change.

Softly the leaves of memories and all slowly I'll pick and gather them all coz 2 day, 2morrow & till my life is thru, I'll always cherish having a FRIEND LIKE U!!!


A baby monkey asked his mother monkey, "why do v look so bad?". The mom monkey said, " Thank God!! U r still better, just look at the person reading this SMS."


Why do v close our eyes, when v pray,when v cry, when v dream, when v kiss. B'coz they are the most beautiful things in our life.


Ek gadha ped par chadha to uppar baithe hi hathi ne pucha "Tu kyu chadha?"G: Apple khane ke liye, H: lekin ye to mango tree hai?,G:malum hai, main aaple saath main laya hoon.


Every 1 wants 2b the sun that lights up ur life, but I'd rather b ur moon, so I can shine on u during ur darkest hour when ur sun is not around!!!


Dark were those days, without your sight. When I was in darkness, you gave me light. You gave me strength 2 make life bright. Thank you so much PHILIPS TUBELIGHT !


CONGRATS LUCKY WINNER!!!
U won 15 days & 14 nights saty at hotel saonam palace in Bagdad(Iraq), Njoy free fire works & Air shows provided be U.S Air Force..


== == == == == ==
| i-'''-i |
| ( - - ) |
| ( u ) |
==(,,,)==(,,,)==
Standing by my window waiting 4 ur message if u don't SMS I will jump from Ground Floor..


Son: daddy, have u ever been to Egypt?
Father: No, Why do u ask that?
Son: Well, where, did you get mummy then?


Why did god created u before me ?
Ans: B'coz he wanted to create a sample, before creating a master piece!!!


Unlike others ur brain is a masterpiece. It has 2 halves. The left & right. The left has nothing right in it & the right has nothing left in it.


The night was dark, the moon was high, I stopped my car, u wondered why, I leant so close u feel shy all I had to say Ahem.puncture!!!


Its not an achievement to make 100 friends in a year but an achievement is 2 make a friend for 100 yrs. I know I've made one that's u!!!


When u feel that nobody loves u, nobody cares 4 u, ignoring u, u should thinking urself...am I a pakaau...


Wats wrong with ur cell? Tried calling lots of times. Every time I dial ur no. the operator says-The subscriber u r calling is a monkey. Pls call the zoo 4 details.


When thing go wrong, & when sadness fills ur heart, & when tears flow in ur eyes, just let me know coz I want 2 b there 4 u, I'm selling tissues. Buy 1 Get 1 Free!!!


I cant hide this from u any more.I don't want 2 hurt u and I feel its best if I tell u.before u hear it from sum1 else.1/2 Kg SURF Excel is now at Rs.75 ONLY.


Your network tariff has changed.call charges r now calculated according to brain size. The smaller the cheaper. CONGRATS u can make free calls.


Its so hard 2 lose sum1 who is 99% Cute, 98% Sweet, 95% loving, 90% talented n 100% down 2 earth. That me!! What a waste if u loose me.So keep in touch



Valuing friendship is not be seeing eachother everyday, whats more important is in our busy lives we REMEMBER EACH OTHER!!






Osama Bin Ladens favorite Song: main nikla plane leke, o raaste main newyork mein ik mod aaya main \W.T..C tod aaya.!!.!! <01.


God made Pepsi, god made Whisky, God made rivers, God made Lakes, God made me So damn Sexy, and God made u...Well everybody makes mistakes..


LOVE SMS
A dream costs nothing unless you want it to come true

I love you! From the earth till the moon!

I miss you ... I need you ... More and more .... each day ... I love you .. more than words ... can ever say

I miss you so, here around me, so many people, but yet so alone. I miss your lips, your lovely smile, I miss you each day more and more!

I wanted to send you all my love but the postman said it was too big !!!

I would love you only little when I would be able to say how much I love you!... Kiss

3 words made my heart beat faster, 3 words made my legs shake 3 words made my head spin, 3 words: I love you!

A butterfly needs its wings ... an icebear needs cold weather and I ... I need you!

A kiss that tells it all is seldomly a first edition.

All beautiful moments do not last long, except in our memory.

Being in love is when she looks at you and says: I would like to be a cannibal.

By following my heart I came to you, I only forgot to take something back with me. For my thoughts are still with you.

Every message is a smile ... every word is like a kiss but when you touch me ...remember this ... my life is full with happiness

Falling in love is when she falls asleep in your arms and wakes up in your dreams !

Far away from here, totally inaccessible. That is where you are. Here next to me, within reach. That is where you are. Whereever you go or when, you will always be near me.

For the world you are somebody, but for somebody, you are the world! Lots of love, Somebody.

Heaven is the place where I would be, the day you would stop loving me!

How can it be that I am sad and happy at the same time ... it's because I know ... that you aren't back until tomorrow

I am looking for a word. I am looking for a whole new word. I am looking for a word. I am looking for a word that nobody knows. I am looking for a word. I am looking for a word that says...that you are the best !!!

I cannot resist the tears of a woman, that is why I would do anything for you

I do not think much, i do not think often, but when I think, I think of you!

I don't wanna feel the way that I do, I just wanna be right here with you, I don't wanna see, see us apart, I just wanna say straight from my heart I miss you

I feel something in my heart, it's like a little flame, every time I see you, this flame lights up, this flame is special for you, because I LOVE YOU!....

I hope that you finally understand, that I will love you untill the end, because your not just my girl, you are also my best friend!

I love two things, a rose and you. A rose for a short while, but you the rest of my life

If a big fat man creeps into your bedroom one night and stuffs you into a bag, Then do not worry 'cause I told Santa I wanted you for christmas!

If I die and go to heaven, I put your name on a golden star. So that all the angels can see how much you mean to me !! I love you

If I die and go to heaven, I'll put your name on a golden star. So that all the angels can see, how much you mean to me.

If I had a penny for everytime I thought of you, I'd still miss you, but at least I would be rich enough to come and see you..!!

If I would get a rose for every time I think of you, I would spend every day in a rose garden, ... thinking of you

If the people we love are stolen away from us the only way to have them live on is to never stop lovin'them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever...

If the world was made of paper and the sea of ink, I would write everywhere that I like you!

If you are mad at me, you might just as well give me all my kisses back !

If you live to be a hundred , I want to be a hundred minus one day , so I don't have to live a day without you...

If you were a tear I would never dare to cry. I might lose you !

If your heart was a prison, I would like to be sentenced for life

If you're the desert, I'd be the sea. If you hunger then hunger for me. Everything you ask I'll be. It's all good as long it's you I see.

In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities.

It must have been a rainy day when you were born, but it wasn't really rain, the sky was crying because it lost his most beautifull angel...!

Kiss me and you will see stars ....Love me and I will give them to you.

Like a rose needs water, like a season needs change, like a poet needs a pen, I need you!!

Lonely? no, how can I be lonely when you are always in my thoughts. I wake up with you and go to sleep with you. I love you!!

Love is forever, only the partners change...

Love is hard and will always be, but remember somebody loves you and that one is ME !

Love is like war ... Easy to start ... Difficult to end ... Impossible to forget...

LOVE is something beautiful,a desire, a feeling that one would like to catch. LOVE is the feeling that makes you feel alive. LOVE is something that may never go away!

Love is....... to love more and more each day....

Love stops being a joy when it stops being a secret.

Love under the stars... they seem very far, but you are so close the star I love the most

Love... I want to hold you close to me and feel our hearts beat as one . forever ....

Loving you could take my life, but when I look into your eyes, I know you're worth that sacrafice!

My eyes were set on you...it was love at first sight...

My love, words however special ... could never even start, to tell you all the love I have for you within my heart!!!

Of all the friends I've ever met. Your the one I won't forget.And if I die before you do I'll go to heaven and wait for you.

Real love is the history of enormous patience.

Roses of red grow in my heart and they will never wither... 'Cause they bloom every time I see your smile, hear your voice or just think of you!

SMAK ... A mobile kiss... Keep your mobile close to your ear!

That I love you is no wonder. But the fact that you care about me, that is very special.

The day that I'll die, when death replaces birth, I'll recognize angels' faces, 'cus I live with one on earth..

The ideal husband is the one who understands what his wife did not say.

The moment I first saw you, you warmed my heart, the second time you made little flames and now you make my heart burn like hell !

The rose speaks of love silently in a language known only to the heart.

The sky is full of golden stars shining in the light of the moon, but the most beautiful light I see is in your eyes ...

The world is so more beautiful with you around!

There are a lot of birds wispering only about you, you should once listen to them, then you would know how much I love you.

There are thousands of roses on this world, even if I gave you every rose to you, that would not be enough to tell you how much I love you!

There Were Times You Make Me Cry... Looking 4 A Reason Why... There Were Times You Make Me Fly...Stay With Me Until I Die...Stay With Me...

They learned me that one hours equals 60 minutes and that one minute equals 60 seconds, but they never told me that one second without you can last for ever!

To the whole world you are somebody....but to somebody you are the whole world

Tomorrow there is an other day.A day i'd rather spend with you....without you there is no joy, only pain!

What holds you together is far greater than what can tear you apart.

What I feel for you,is really true. You got to know,I need you so. When you are gone,I can't go on. Can't you see, that you are the only one for me?

What is a flower without the sun, what is the earth without the sky. What am I without you, that is why I tell you . I love you

When a heart is the sign of love ,and red the colour ...and when walking around with your head in the clouds means that one is in love..Why do I draw a line in blue and am I only thinking of you ?

When darkness moves in on me,it's the love of people like you that allows me to go through defeat and still know to be fully accepted.

When the night comes, look at the sky. If you see a falling star, don't wonder why, just make a wish. Trust me, it will come true, 'cause I did it and I found you!

Without love I cannot live, You are love so I cannot live without you!!!

Women admire a man because he is strong , but they love him for his weaknesses.

Words however special... could never even start, to tell you all the love I have for you within my heart. xXx

You are always in my heart, here and everywhere, There is no one in the whole world that makes me feel this way.

You can fall from a bridge, you can fall from above, but the best way of falling, is falling in love!

You know what, in the whole world there is no such darling whom I love and I want the whole world to know that I will never forget you!

don't love 1, don't love 2, but love the 1 who loves you

Grow old with me! ...... The best is yet to come...

I love you even more than when I started this sentence.

I love you so much !

I would like to be a tear, born in your eyes, alive passing your cheeks and dieing on your lips.

If a raindrop would mean ... I love you and you would ask me how much I love you, i bet you that it would .. rain all day !

In the morning I do not eat because I think of you, at noon I do not eat because I think of you, in the evening I do not eat because I think of you, at night I do not sleep because I am hungry.

Love is ... being married to your best friend.

Love is as a war, easy to start but hard to end..

Loving and being loved is feeling the sun shine at both sides.

people are children............life is love...........and you are sunshine.

Push down if you miss me... that is sweet of you ...... Very sweet indeed .... You can stop now ..... You really miss me, h� :-) .... me too xxx

Roses are red and the sky is blue ........ and I love you

Tears in my eyes ......... Tears for you ...... Tears that realise how much I love you

the hardesd thing in life is watching someone you love , loving someone else

The words are easy when the language is LOVE !

They say that kids tell the truth, but am I a child too when I tell you that I love you enormously ?

When I think, I think of you, when I look, I want to look at you. I am crazy about you, even if it seems to become an obsession


Son to Dad-Daddy, does a heart have legs? Dad-of course not! Son-don't lie, I heard u saying "sweet heart..spread ur legs!"

Boy:why grls like more holi than boys? Another boy: bcos they have two balloons of 5ml and bolys have only one pichkari or 2ml.

Pak wkt Keeper Moin got married.His wife was asked by media how moin was on bed? She said he stood behind bed and said AUR TEZ DALO WASIM BHAI.

Woman: Teach me how to play tennis. Coach:Sure,hold the racket the way u hold ur lovers organ.Woman: ok Coach:Madam pls,take the racket out of ur mouth..

REPUBLIC DAY ANNOUNCEMENT by Malika Sherawat:Kar chale hum judaa vastra k Tan se saathio,ab tumhare hawale badan saathiio

Nurse gave the newborn baby to d Sardar. Sardar screamed,"Puttar hua, Puttar Hua! Then Nurse said,abbey Gadhe meri ungli chod ladki hui hai!!

6 beautiful girls went to swim in a swimming pool but suddenly all the water disappeared.How? NAYA whisper ab Pehele se bhi jyada gilapan sokhe.

On 1st night husband said 2 his wife:look darling b4 marriage I had slept with 10 girls, wife replied:Kindli mili hai to guun to milega hi.

[R K Singh]

This is a conversation that took place between a person in the public (Y)
and a marketing guy(X)

X: Which shaving cream do you use?
Y: Baba's


X: Which aftershave do you use?
Y: Baba's


X: Which deodorant do you use?
Y: Baba's


X: Which toothpaste do you use?
Y: Baba's


X: Which shampoo do you use?
Y: Baba's


X: Which socks do you use?
Y: Baba's



X (Frustrated): Okay, tell me, what is this Baba? Is it an international
company???
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Y: No, He is my roommate

Cheers to all the bachelors of the world!!!
Married people (or soon-to-get-married) can observe 2 minutes of silence
to
mourn the loss of this privilege.

[Chetan Parekh]

Y = RK Singh

[R K Singh]

Originally posted by Chetan Parekh:
Y = RK Singh

Now I am happily married, using her shampoo, cream and nail-cutter

[Chetan Parekh]

Originally posted by R K Singh:


Now I am happily married, using her shampoo, cream and nail-cutter

But she is in Ludhiana and you are in Bangalore na
Source
[ March 31, 2006: Message edited by: Chetan Parekh ]

[Sameer Jamal]

Originally posted by R K Singh:


Now I am happily married, using her shampoo, cream and nail-cutter

Hey RK you got married you didnt invited us.

[arun aru]

Good pictures

[Rakesh Joshi]

Originally posted by R K Singh:

Now I am happily married, using her shampoo, cream and nail-cutter

R K.... Now Ready for this�

[Vinay Khare]

RK
I hope you are still getting time to update this thread

[ June 07, 2006: Message edited by: Vinay Khare ]

[ June 07, 2006: Message edited by: Vinay Khare ]
[ June 07, 2006: Message edited by: Vinay Khare ]

[R K Singh]

Originally posted by Vinay Khare:
RK
I hope you are still getting time to update this thread

these days I fear a lot .. who knows whom I offend unknowingly....

AW you asked for it ..
==================================

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up eating beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the dinner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.

I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than oked=20cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.

He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!" I nearly died

[R K Singh]

DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?" Junior asks his dad,




His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies,



"Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"





"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on
MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a
Cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother
Agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to





Upload, we discovered that neither



One of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete
Button."





"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message
Saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized
Program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted
In her BIOS. Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared
And said:





You've Got Male'!"







O

[Rakesh Joshi]

Why I Fired My Secretary
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said,
"Good morning boss".

Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone
had remembered.

I worked until noon. Then, Janet knocked on my door
and said

"You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's
your birthday let's go to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "Oh yeah, that's the greatest thing I've heard
all day. Let's go."

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go;
we went out to the country to a little private place.
We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know,
it's such a beautiful day.

We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I
said, "No, I guess not."

She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if
you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and
slip into something more comfortable."

"Sure," I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes,
she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by
my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all
singing Happy Birthday.

And there I sat...on the couch.......... naked!

[Jaikiran Pai]

Airplane Jokes

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor!
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.
(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[Rakesh Joshi]

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making
dinner.His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to
tell his mother what he wanted."Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a
troublemaker.He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother
asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.
Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.


Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last
year.
"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this
year.


Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for
your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room
and


sat down to write God a letter.


Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby


Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy
this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.


Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I
would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Bobby


Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter
and started again.


Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike
for my birthday.
Bobby


Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby
wrote a fourth letter.


Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will
be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby


Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to
get him a bike.


Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that
he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had
worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.


Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little
Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to
see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of
the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the
church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut
the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to God.


Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE
BIKE!!!

[Rakesh Joshi]

One day, when I was a freshman in high school,

I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school.

His name was Kyle.

It looked like he was carrying all of his books.

I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday?

He must really be a nerd."

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him.

They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.

His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him.

He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes

My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around
looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.

As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. "

They really should get lives.

" He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!"

There was a big smile on his face.

It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.

As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen
him before.

He said he had gone to private school before now.

I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.

We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.

He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.

I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends

He said yes.

We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came! , and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books
again.

I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious
muscles with this pile of books everyday!

" He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.

When we were seniors, we began to think about college.

Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke.

I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a
problem.

He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football
scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class.

I teased him all the time about being a nerd.

He had to prepare a speech for graduation.

I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak

Graduation day, I saw Kyle.

He looked great.

He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school.

He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.

He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.

Boy, sometimes I was jealous!
Today was one of those days.

I could see that he was nervous about his speech.

So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll begreat!"

He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and
smiled.

" Thanks," he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began

"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through
those tough years.

Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly
your friends...

I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best
gift you can give them.

I am going to tell you a story."

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the
first day we met.

He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.

He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have
to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.

He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.

"Thankfully, I was saved.

My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy
told us all about his weakest moment.

I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful
smile.

Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions.

With one small gesture you can change a person's life.

For better or for worse.

God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some
way.

Look for God in others.