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You Might be a Minnesotan if...

 
Ranch Hand
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- you live in Texas but vacation in Minnesota in January.
- you have friends who schedule their wedding in the middle of January without a thought about weather conditions.
- you consider a six inch snowfall a blessing for "the cities" because it provides instant urban renewal.
- you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping the food will swim by.
- you keep the snow tires on your truck all year because it ain't worth taking them off for only two months.
- you are proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation.
- you like to come in out of the sun when the temperature gets above 72.
- your local Dairy Queen is closed from December through February.
- you instinctively walk like a penguin for three months out of the year.
- you believe the only REAL vehicles have skis in front and a loud motor under your seat.
- you have a nickname for your chain saw and you pat it on the fuel tank at the end of a hard day's sawing.
- you like the Winter Olympics better than the Summer Olympics.
- you consider snow banks to be "just another rough" on the golf course.
- you have no "spring" sports season.
- you have ever worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
- you were delighted to get a miniature snow shovel for your 3rd birthday.
- your birthday was in April, and you still got to use the shovel right away.
- every January, from age 2 to 13, you let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post.
- you never had to rewind any part of "Fargo" because you missed some of the dialogue.
- your town isn't trying to be ironic when it plans a "winter carnival."
- you always believed that vacation meant "going up north."
- the temperature in March is above freezing for three days in a row, and you think it's summer.
- you laugh out loud every time you see a news report about a blizzard shutting down the entire east coast.
- the first time you saw "Grumpy Old Men" you thought it was a documentary.
- your favorite sport when it's cold outside is played where it's cold inside.
- you can recite, from memory, more than a half-dozen "Ole and Lena" jokes (If you can't, then turn your volume down & click here).
- you believe that bitter cold, a slippery surface and speed go together in a sport and on the Interstate.
- you decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend.
- you remember going Trick-or-Treating in 3 feet of snow.
- you get mad at people who think Fargo is in Minnesota, and for the last time, there is a Rochester in Minnesota!
- you think happiness is owning a "piece of lakeshore."
PS. Yes, I am a Minnesotan; the weather's turning cooler, and the leaves, brighter!
 
"The Hood"
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> YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM ILLINOIS IF:
>
> 1. You've never met any celebrities.
> 2. "Vacation" means going to Six Flags.
> 3. You measure distance in minutes.
> 4. Your school classes were canceled because
> of cold.
> 5. Your school classes were canceled because
> of heat.
> 6. You've never had to switch from "heat" to
> "A/C" in the same day.
> 7. You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of
> July.
> 8. You see a car running in the parking lot
> at the store with no one in
> it no matter what time of year.
> 9. You end your sentences with an unnecessary
> preposition.
> Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you
> go to town I want to
> go with."
> 10. You install security lights on your house
> and garage and leave
> both unlocked.
> 11. You think of the major four food groups as
> beef,pork, beer,
> and Jell-o salad with marshmallows.
> 12. You carry jumper cables in your car.
> 13. You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper and
> ketchup.
> 14. You design your kid's Halloween costume to
> fit over a
> snowsuit.
> 15. Driving is better in the winter because
> the potholes
> are filled with snow.
> 16. You think everyone from a bigger city has
> an accent.
> 17. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and
> a flannel
> nightie.
> 18. The local paper covers national and
> international
> headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for
> sports.
> 19. You know all four seasons: Almost winter,
> winter,
> still winter and construction.
> 20. You know if another Illinoisian is from
> southern,
> middle or northern Illinois as soon as they open
> their mouth.
> 21. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with
> a population
> of 1000 or more.
> 22. You actually get these jokes
 
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