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Buttered Feline Antigravity Drive

 
Ranch Hand
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just quoted this from somewhere !
The laws of feline aerodynamics :
When you drop a cat from a few feet, the cat can not smash it's furry back, A cat always lands on its feet.
The laws of butterology :
When you drop a piece of buttered bread, bread with the buttered side will hit the ground.
Question: If you strapped a slice of buttered bread to the back of a cat, which way down would it land?

Here's one of the respon :
First the source of the forces must be understood. The force acting on the bread is not the butter, as some may think. Without the bread, butter wouldn't land bread side up, and therefore the force could not possibly be in the butter. We know the force is not the bread because it has been experimentally proven that bread does not land any particular side down without butter. The bread/butter force is caused by the fusing of bread and butter particles together. This fusion causes energy to be released in the form of shifting gravity and anti-gravity energy to opposite sides of the bread/butter continuum. The gravity energy naturally shifts to the butter
since it is denser then the bread, while the anti-gravity energy shifts to the bread side.
The energy in a cat for landing on its feet comes from the feet themselves. This has been proven experimentally. Cats without feet have a near zero
success rate of landing on their feet. We will call this energy cat foot energy.
Considering the equal but opposing bread/butter and cat foot forces one would expect the cat to spin violently about its axis. However the strength of these forces must be considered. A regular cat is not structurally stable enough to withstand the torque the spinning causes. I should not have to describe the way the cat's limbs give way, the way the legs wrench around until the feet are on the same side of the cat as the butter. And thus the cat can then land on its feet, butter side down.
We are now researching the possibility of using structurally reinforced cats for levitation systems, but so far the cost is too high to be
practical. Several attempts at producing economically viable systems were made by separating the feet so that the instability of the cat would not be a factor. At first there was dificulty because there was no cat to tie the
bread to. Later it was discovered that when not attached to a cat the feet lost their cat foot force over time. It is hypothesized that the feet need to be living to exert the cat foot force, and so far no practical method has been found for keeping the feet alive other than a cat.
Attempts are also being made to breed flat cats with no legs (only feet).
There are many other problems related with this method of levitation as you may well imagine.
Harold G Sputsberry PHD
Institute for Alternative Energy Research

and another respon :
It's simple:
What you have to do is stick the butter on the cat's a**, that way friction will decrease on the way down, and he'll accelerate to the speed of light and cut right through the earth, come out through China and into the atmosphere creating a black hole.
 
Leverager of our synergies
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It's an amazing example of really deep thinking. I am trying to internalize it to increase my intelectual power. I wish I could think like this..
 
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Everything happens for a reason. And the reason is Physics.
Cat can land on its feet. I think cat has some kind of internal mechanism, so that it can get oriented to gravity easily. Once it done that, landing is the only issue. Its soft feet, flexible leg will make cat free of injury.
Regarding buttered bread, there are two issues here: (1) How high does the buttered bread falls; (2) Is it toasted or not? in another word, how soft it is.
Generally speaking there are mainly two difference between two side of bread: (1) The butter side of the bread is heavier; (2) The butter side is more sticky to the ground.
I can assume both sides of the bread have 50% chance to touch the ground the first time, and then there may be a few times rebound. What happened is that it is harder for the butter side to rebound once its side lands on ground. So it may appear the butter side is down more often. It really depends on condition. As I mentioned at the beginning. If the height is short, or the bread is un-toasted so it is soft. Then the difference between two sides become smaller, so there is more chance we may see the butter side up!
Just my 2 cents.
[ January 27, 2002: Message edited by: Don Liu ]
 
Stevie Kaligis
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Cornell Information Technologies
(smirk, science)
***** PRESS RELEASE *****
April 1, 1992 - Itchyca, NY - For immediate release worldwide
In an unusual collaboration, scientists at the Conrell SuperNatural Computer Facility, the USDA and the Conrell Agricultural College have made a startling breakthrough in the gravitational physics field. Using technology modelled on giant computers at Conrell and tested in the laboratory, the group has succeeded in defying gravity.
Scientist Elsie Browncow explained how the break came about. "We were examining possible applications of Murphy's famous laws, and we got to thinking about buttered bread always falling butter down. We came to the conclusion that butter must have some very special properties
related to gravity. Reports of cows jumping over the moon lent support to our theory. Once we were on the right track the rest came easily."
Local dairy farmers, who have been scratching their heads over the large butter orders from the research facility, are ecstatic over the discovery. Evidently, several hundred pounds of butter are required to overcome gravity in a region of space of 1 cubic centimeter. Asked
about this Dr. Browncow replied, "... well, yes, that's true, but we're working on improving the process and are pretty sure we can reduce the butter requirement significantly."
Rumor has it that the CIA and NASA are trying to limit access to the process. Dr. Browncow would not comment on the rumor except to say, "The word is out now and if we could figure this out I'm sure others will too - that's how science works."
 
High Plains Drifter
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Somewhere in the world there's a corporate project that bills hour after hour to a customer, but strangely no work ever seems to get done...
 
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Oh Im sure theres more than one of those type of corporate projects floating around
 
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Originally posted by Don Liu:
I can assume both sides of the bread have 50% chance to touch the ground the first time, and then there may be a few times rebound.


I've never seen bread bounce
 
mister krabs
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Originally posted by Dave Vick:
I've never seen bread bounce

Try taping it to a basketball.
 
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I tried that Thomas but the tape wouldn't stick because of the butter. Should I have turned the basketball to the other side.
 
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Yeah, and my cats aren't speaking to me anymore, b.t.w.
 
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