We always hear "the rules" from the feminine side. Ok - well now hear the guys' side - These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1"........ ON PURPOSE! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. you're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. 1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! 1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it. 1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR. 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it! 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand. 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Check your oil! . Please. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and! one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. 1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.
Awesome!, you captured the essense of Male-Female dynamics with more insight than 20 of the so called experts in 20 of their books. Just add a page or two of commentary to each and maybe some real life examples and you got a best seller yourself!
I can't find my database of man bashing jokes (which had the female version...), but I DID find this one, for all you wise guys out there... An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "Don't try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the fridge, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, "You're wasting too much time. Why don't you try carrying several things at once?" "Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in ten."
Here is why being a man is wonderful... - The phone conversations last 30 seconds tops. - You know plenty of things about aircrafts, cars, motorcycles, computer and sports. - A 7-days holiday only requires at most one luggage. - Your old buddies don't even care if you have lost weight. - All your orgasms are true ones. - You do not have to carry a purse full of dumb stuff. - You keep your last name. - It usually takes you 10 minutes tops to take a shower and get ready. - Your 3-pack underwear cost $20. - None of your work buddies is capable of making you cry. - You don't have to shave from top to bottom. - If you are 34 and single, nobody cares. - You can take off your shirt if it's too warm. - A car technician does not lie to you. - You don't care if nobody sees your brand new hair cut. - You know 10 different ways of opening a bottle of beer. - You can sit with your legs spread without caring about what you are wearing. - You earn more... for the same job. - You don't care about your wrinkles and white hairs. - You have the remote control. - Nobody looks at your chest while you are talking. - One day you'll be able to become a old pervert. - If somebody shows up at a party with the same sweater as yours, he can still become a friend of yours. - Your new shoes don't hurt. - With 400 Mio sperms a shot, you can double the earth population in 12 shots. At least in theory. [ February 25, 2002: Message edited by: Valentin Crettaz ]