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Stupid People

 
Ranch Hand
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"Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid".
That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them
anything."
It would be like, "Excuse me...oops...never mind, didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and
there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says,
"Hey, you moving?"
"Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes
it takes. Here's your sign."
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled
his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big ol'stringer of bass and this
idiot on the dock goes,
"Hey, y'all catch all them fish?"
"Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel.
There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test
it. "Alright, Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want
you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they
bite you."
"Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road
gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck,looks at me,
and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?"
I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three
just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the
house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the
house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe,
then says, "Darn that's hot!"
See, if he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.
I learned to drive an 18-wheeler during my days of adventure. Wouldn't you know,
I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out,
no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up
to take the report. He went through his basic questioning....okay...no problem.
I thought for sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked,
"So, is your truck stuck?"
I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then
back to him and said, "No, I'm delivering a bridge... here's your sign."
I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said,
"Are you still here?"
I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign."
 
Ranch Hand
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I have been searching for the words to describe this problem most of my life. You have articulated it perfectly!!
BTW, you know how you can tell when a stupid person is about to die?
He yells "Hey ya'll, watch this!"
Michael Morris
 
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LOL...May be you know this already but you can read more about award winning stupid people here.
 
Ranch Hand
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MySQL Database Suse
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Originally posted by Paul Stevens:
...I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out,
no matter how I tried. ...


Here's your sign
[ August 09, 2002: Message edited by: Jamie Robertson ]
 
Ranch Hand
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Hey I just got this sign delivered, now I got two, want one?
 
Ranch Hand
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9
Scala Java
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Paul,
ever concider a career as a stand-up comic?
 
Paul Stevens
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Those aren't mine.
 
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Originally posted by Paul Stevens:
Those aren't mine.


Thief!
 
Paul Stevens
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I never claimed I wrote them.
 
Anonymous
Ranch Hand
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Originally posted by Paul Stevens:
I never claimed I wrote them.


Thief!!
 
mister krabs
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It's by stand-up comedian Bill Engvall.
[ August 11, 2002: Message edited by: Michael Ernest ]
 
Ranch Hand
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Well here are some more.
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live
forever,but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff,"
-Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president,"
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them.
There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
--John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another"
--George Bush, US President

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version,"
--Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein,"
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night.
And the next morning,when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
 
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A full 50% of all people are below average.
...
Two guys are making a delivery in a 14 foot truck. They come to a 13.5 foot bridge. They stop. They get out and inspect the situation. Sure enough the truck is taller than the bridge.
The passenger looks up and down the road. He says, "I don't see any police officers, let's go for it."
 
Barry Gaunt
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A full 50% of all people are below average.


Average what? Stupidity?
If greenhorn + 32 posts = ranchhand,
what do I get for 42 those them there signs?
 
"The Hood"
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Originally posted by Barry Gaunt:
Average what? Stupidity?


Average ANYTHING :roll: .
 
They worship nothing. They say it's because nothing lasts forever. Like this tiny ad:
Two software engineers solve most of the world's problems in one K&R sized book
https://coderanch.com/wiki/718759/books/Building-World-Backyard-Paul-Wheaton
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