ATM PROCEDURES To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been established. Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances and remember them when you use the machine for the first time: MEN 1) Drive up to the cash machine. 2) Lower your car window. 3) Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4) Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5) Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6) Raise window. 7) Drive off. WOMEN 1) Drive up to cash machine. 2) Backup to align car window to machine. 3) Set parking break, lower the window. 4) Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card. 5) Turn the radio down. 6) Attempt to insert card into machine. 7) Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 8) Insert card. 9) Re-insert card right side up. 10) Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page. 11) Enter PIN. 12) Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13) Enter amount of cash required. 14) Check make up in rear view mirror 15) Retrieve cash and receipt. 16) Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 17) Place receipt in back of checkbook. 18) Re-check make-up. 19) Drive two feet forward. 20) Backup to cash machine. 21) Retrieve card. 22) Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided. 23) Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male drivers waiting behind. 24) Restart stalled engine and drive away. 25) Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 26) Release Parking Break.
You forgot the procedures for those that are just a little retentive (and dont tell me you haven't been stuck behind one): 1) Drive up to the cash machine. 2) Lower your car window. 3) Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4) Check balance in checking account 5) Check balance in savings account 6) Select the deposit transaction 7) Spend a minute deciding which account to deposit your check into 8) Select the appropriate choice on the menu 9) Enter the amount of the check to be deposited 10) Get envelope from dispencer and insert check into it. 11) Remove check to make sure you signed it. 12) Press button on ATM for more time. 13) Re-insert check and seal the envelope 14) Press button on ATM letting it know the envelope is ready. 15) Insert envelope into slot. 16) Check the balance on the account to make sure the ATM added it corectly. 17) Decide that part of the check should really go into the another account. 18) Check balance on account you might want to transfer funds into. 19) Think it over for a minute 20) Press button on ATM for more time. 21) Transfer the funds. 22) Check the balance on the receiving account to make sure it was added properly 23) Check the balance on the transferring account to make sure it was debited correctly. 24) Decide which account to make your withdrawl from. 25) Check the balance on that account to amke sure you have enough funds to withdraw 26) Repeat steps 17 to 23 to bring the account to a high enough bnalance to make the desired withdrawl. 27) Check balance on all accounts to make sure they are all correct 28) Retrieve card 29) Raise window. 30) Drive off.
Wait a sec.. What about the instructions for when the ATM is somehow indisposed??
MEN 1) Drive up to the cash machine. 2) Lower your car window. 3) Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4) Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5) Ignore message about ATM being unable to dispense cash. 6) Answer "Yes" to "Would you like another transaction?". 7) Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 8) Swear vigorously. 9) Retrieve card. 10) Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 11) Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 12) Swear more vigoroursly and beat on dashboard with both hands. 13) Retrieve card. 14) Raise window. 15) Peel off to a different cash machine, nearly mowing down pedestrians in the crosswalk. WOMEN 1) Observe antics of male customer currently using the ATM. 2) Drive to a different cash machine. ..Only because something similar happened to me last night. There were no cars involved, but still. The guy in front of me seemed extremely put off that the ATM kept refusing to dispense cash. Eventually I figured out that he wasn't giving up any time soon and went around the block to another bank. g.