This week's book giveaways are in the Angular and TypeScript and Web Services forums.
We're giving away four copies each of Programming with Types and The Design of Web APIs and have the authors on-line!
See this thread and this one for details.
Win a copy of Programming with Types this week in the Angular and TypeScript forum
or The Design of Web APIs in the Web Services forum!
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american genius

 
Trailboss
Posts: 23072
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(some complained that a recent joke was unfair to muslims. I wonder if any Americans are going to complain that these make americans look stupid)
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, California
spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman, who had barricaded himself
inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered
that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting "Please
come out and give yourself up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,
kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated
teller machines, where the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his
own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked
for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small,
so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three
hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When
detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words "Give me all
your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My
wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is
this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!", the man shouted, "This is
her husband!".

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!! In Modesto, California, Steven
Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch
without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but
unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
(hellllllooooooo!)

8. AND THE GRAND FINALE................. Last summer, down on Lake
Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield,
California, some folks, new to boating, were having problems. No matter
how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft going
properly. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how
much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they
putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was
wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working
condition. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop
was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped into
the water to check underneath, he came up choking on water, because he was
laughing so hard.

NOW REMEMBER. THIS IS TRUE.

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer...
 
High Plains Drifter
Posts: 7292
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Ok, now I gotta go find my very favoritest Darwin Award of all time.
I tell this one to friends who consistently come real close to wetting themselves.
http://www.ijmc.com/archives/1998/March/19March1998.html
[ November 11, 2002: Message edited by: Michael Ernest ]
 
Rancher
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I like the story about the guy who was convicted post-humously of his own murder. Not suicide, murder.
Anyone have a link to that one?
 
and POOF! You're gone! But look, this tiny ad is still here:
Java file APIs (DOC, XLS, PDF, and many more)
https://products.aspose.com/total/java
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