• Post Reply Bookmark Topic Watch Topic
  • New Topic
programming forums Java Mobile Certification Databases Caching Books Engineering Micro Controllers OS Languages Paradigms IDEs Build Tools Frameworks Application Servers Open Source This Site Careers Other all forums
this forum made possible by our volunteer staff, including ...
Marshals:
  • Campbell Ritchie
  • Paul Clapham
  • Ron McLeod
  • Bear Bibeault
  • Liutauras Vilda
Sheriffs:
  • Jeanne Boyarsky
  • Junilu Lacar
  • Henry Wong
Saloon Keepers:
  • Tim Moores
  • Stephan van Hulst
  • Jj Roberts
  • Tim Holloway
  • Piet Souris
Bartenders:
  • Himai Minh
  • Carey Brown
  • salvin francis

Recruiting Infidels

 
Ranch Hand
Posts: 3451
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I have been assigned the task of recruiting new Infidels. If you are interested, please take a look at the following questions:
  • Given a choice between roast pork and rice with lamb entrails, would you choose the swine?
  • Do you prefer to use toilet paper over your bare hand?
  • Do you prefer a shot of Jack Daniel to unsanitary water to relax?
  • Can you safely say that you have no idea which direction Mecca is in?
  • Do you hate the idea of having sand in every orifice in your body?
  • Would you prefer driving an SUV to work over a camel?


  • If you can answer yes to most of the above questions, then you too could be an Infidel. Be wary of other recruiters claiming to represent the Infidels, especially anyone with a title like ugly redneck, they are spies trying to infiltrate our group.
     
    Ranch Hand
    Posts: 2937
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator
    As the self-proclaimed leader of The Infidels, I set one more criteria for joining the clan: you must be sexually attracted to The Moose and be physically fit to perform autofellatio.
     
    Ranch Hand
    Posts: 867
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator
    hi Michael
    Here might be suitable place to post your recruit.
     
    Ranch Hand
    Posts: 1871
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator

    Originally posted by Eugene Kononov:
    As the self-proclaimed leader of The Infidels, I set one more criteria for joining the clan: you must be sexually attracted to The Moose and be physically fit to perform autofellatio.



    Lemme have it
     
    Ranch Hand
    Posts: 897
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator
    Whats the pay package like?
    And do I get good health care?
     
    Michael Morris
    Ranch Hand
    Posts: 3451
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator
    Whats the pay package like?
    All the roast suckling pig you can carry in a briefcase on the first and fifteenth of the month, and one liter of either Jack Daniel or Wild Turkey per month.

    And do I get good health care?
    Yes, you get a first-aid kit and a copy of How to be Your Own Physician.
     
    Ranch Hand
    Posts: 925
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator
    bash-2.05b$ ../dada manifesto.pb
    The JavaNegativist Manifesto:
    1. art is nothing more than a stupid game.
    2. those who believe that civilisation is liberating are fools.
    3. there is no Maxwell's Demon.
    4. technology is dead.
     
    Leverager of our synergies
    Posts: 10065
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator
    Do you allow females in your units?
     
    Ranch Hand
    Posts: 4716
    9
    Scala Java
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator
    in what direction is mecca if you are on exactly the opposite side of the earth, and it the same distance either way?
     
    Ugly Redneck
    Posts: 1006
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator
    Lies!! Lies!! Its all Lies!! I tell you. There is no toilet paper! We took all their rolls away. They can now roll around in their own muck.. Infidels!!!
    This evil villain Michael Morris!! He is like a cake and we will eat him up.
    Jack Daniel?? What Jack Daniel.. there is no such thing as Jack Daniel, there is only Yakub Emanuel. He is another great warrior of ours.
    We will give you 10 virgins each upon joining us and 10 more upon finishing off these Infidels!!
     
    Ranch Hand
    Posts: 1340
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator

    Originally posted by Randall Twede:
    in what direction is mecca if you are on exactly the opposite side of the earth, and it the same distance either way?


    Straight through the centre of the earth or hell itself!!! Can I be an infidel now please?
     
    Randall Twede
    Ranch Hand
    Posts: 4716
    9
    Scala Java
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator
    i don't know....10 virgins is a pretty tempting offer.....
     
    Richard Hawkes
    Ranch Hand
    Posts: 1340
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator

    Originally posted by Randall Twede:
    i don't know....10 virgins is a pretty tempting offer.....


    Its a trick; they might be virgins but they're full of sand!!!
     
    Randall Twede
    Ranch Hand
    Posts: 4716
    9
    Scala Java
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator
    probly smell like camels too :roll:
     
    Richard Hawkes
    Ranch Hand
    Posts: 1340
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator
    Nice pair'o humps tho'...
     
    Randall Twede
    Ranch Hand
    Posts: 4716
    9
    Scala Java
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator
    that's right! he didn't say they were human virgins..............
     
    Michael Morris
    Ranch Hand
    Posts: 3451
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator
    MAP: Do you allow females in your units?
    Yes, but no virgins, they seem inclined to defect to the non-Infidels. Of course we'll require proof. And Eugene's autofellatio requirement is waived for the fairer sex.
    RH: Straight through the centre of the earth or hell itself!!! Can I be an infidel now please?
    I like your exuberance son! I think you'd be willing to march right through the inferno into downtown Mecca (oxymoron?) if we asked you to.
    Ugly Redneck Spy: We will give you 10 virgins each upon joining us and 10 more upon finishing off these Infidels!!
    HA! A thin tissue of lies! You have no virgins! You and your kind can no longer tell your daghters from your wives! �Vivan los Infideles! �Muerte a los cabrones del cuello colorado!
     
    Mapraputa Is
    Leverager of our synergies
    Posts: 10065
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator
    *I* do not want your 10 virgins!
    I am so glad our ataman Michailo Moris depudiated your outragious lies and proved you do not have them.
     
    Richard Hawkes
    Ranch Hand
    Posts: 1340
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator
    *I* do not want your 10 virgins!

    Are 10 not enough for you??
     
    Paul McKenna
    Ugly Redneck
    Posts: 1006
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator

    Originally posted by Mapraputa Is:
    *I* do not want your 10 virgins!
    I am so glad our ataman Michailo Moris depudiated your outragious lies and proved you do not have them.


    We'll give you 10 studs!
     
    Mapraputa Is
    Leverager of our synergies
    Posts: 10065
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator

    Originally posted by Sriraj Rajaram:

    We'll give you 10 studs!


    Hey, I know what it means! All 10 will be ugly rednecks!
     
    Richard Hawkes
    Ranch Hand
    Posts: 1340
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator
    Hey, I know what it means! All 10 will be ugly rednecks!
    Think again:

    "I say! Are you from Russia? Ding-dong, what?!"
     
    Ranch Hand
    Posts: 18944
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator
    I always think that Miss Universe contestants are all Miss Virgins.....
     
    Michael Morris
    Ranch Hand
    Posts: 3451
    • Mark post as helpful
    • send pies
    • Quote
    • Report post to moderator
    I always think that Miss Universe contestants are all Miss Virgins.....
    Virgins are waaaay overated. They're just like balloons, one prick, all gone!
    [ May 09, 2003: Message edited by: Michael Morris ]
     
    The first person to drink cow's milk. That started off as a dare from this tiny ad:
    Building a Better World in your Backyard by Paul Wheaton and Shawn Klassen-Koop
    https://coderanch.com/wiki/718759/books/Building-World-Backyard-Paul-Wheaton
    reply
      Bookmark Topic Watch Topic
    • New Topic