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The Lone Ranger and Tonto

 
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The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After

they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep. Some

hours later, the Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend and says,

"Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.


Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars."


What does that tell you?" asked The Lone Ranger.


Tonto ponders for a minute, then says, "Astronomically

speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and

potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me

that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.


Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.


What it tell you, Kemo Sabi?"


The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, then says,

"Tonto, you goofball, someone has stolen our tent." :roll:
 
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Since I learned Spanish, the name Tonto has taken on a whole new meaning. Opposed to the philosophical sort portrayed in your story, the word tonto in Spanish means retard or idiot.
 
Randall Twede
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OMG! does it really? shame on Hollywood!
 
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Does "Kimosabe" mean anything ?
 
Randall Twede
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yeah, it does...i cant remember what it means though at the moment...i think i knew at one time
 
Michael Morris
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The Lone Ranger and Tonto find themselves in very big trouble. 100 Indians to the north, 75 to the east, 200 to the south and 400 to the west. The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto and says:
"What do you think we should do Tonto?"
Tonto replies:
"What you mean we white man?"
 
Randall Twede
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yeah that is a classic MM
 
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Definition from Google:
No Klingon ever called me Tonto.
Dear Mr. Morris: What, please, is the origin of Tonto's phrase "Kemo Sabay"? Thank you -- Eoin Bair´┐Żad, Dublin, Ireland
I must say that I really like everything about your question -- its brevity, the revelation that people in Ireland sit around watching The Lone Ranger, everything. Hi ho, as they say, Silver! But before we cut to the chase on the question of "kemosabe" (which is the usual spelling), allow me a short digression. While discussing your question with a friend of mine, I suddenly had a blinding revelation. My insight was that the Lone Ranger's faithful Indian companion Tonto, as played by Jay Silverheels in the TV series, was (ready for this?) the behavioral model for Mr. Spock on the original Star Trek series. Think about it -- am I right or am I right? Wow. I should teach courses in Television Theory.
Meanwhile, back at your question, there's been a bit of debate over the years as to what, if anything, "kemosabe" means, not to mention what language it is in the first place. According to the New York Public Library Book of Answers (Prentice Hall, 1990), what Tonto meant by "kemosabe" was "faithful friend." I don't know exactly where the NYPL got their information, but it always struck me that it was Tonto himself, not the Lone Ranger, who was the "faithful friend," having to save the Ranger's bacon nearly every week. Maybe if the Lone Ranger hadn't been wearing that silly mask he wouldn't have gotten himself into so many jams, eh? Seems to me that Tonto's job description usually boiled down to "untying knots."
The NYPL also notes that "kemosabe" is an actual word in two Native American languages. In Apache, it means "white shirt." Who knows -- maybe Tonto also had to do the Ranger's laundry and was actually constantly reminding him to avoid grass stains. In Navajo, on the other hand, "kemosabe" translates as "soggy shrub." If this seems an odd thing for faithful friend Tonto to call the Lone Ranger, perhaps he was just repaying the Ranger's long-standing insult. "Tonto," after all, is a Spanish word meaning "stupid."
 
Michael Morris
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The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do... Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger gave the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."
Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and started running in circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"
The cowboy looks him in the eye and says...
... "Nothin'... but you left your Injun runnin'."
 
Michael Morris
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A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her Grade Two class because she realizes Little Johnny's habit of using sexual innuendo is going to cause some trouble.
Johnny remains attentive throughout the whole class and, finally, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.
One little boy raises his hand, 'I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.'
`Very good, William,' said the teacher.
'My mummy had a baby,' said little Esther.
'Oh, that's nice,' replied the teacher.
Finally, Little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. 'I was watching TV yesterday and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns.'
The teacher was relieved but puzzled, 'And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?'
'It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger.'
 
Michael Morris
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The Lone Ranger, while hunting down some low-down-murderous scum, is captured. Fortunately, Silver escapes. The bad guys decide to take Loney out into the desert and tie him down, naked, to stakes. Once they are satisfied that he is secured, they leave him to die slowly.
Silver appears at the scene. The Lone Ranger grabs him, and whispers a message to get him help. Silver rears back, whinnies, and charges off to town, many miles away.
All day, in the blistering sun, the Lone Ranger survives. Just as he thinks the end is near, night falls. Though relieved at first, he begins to get colder and colder. By shear power of will, he manages to survive the night. As dawn breaks, he hears the thundering of horse hooves. Up gallops Silver with a naked woman on his back.
"God Damnit, Silver, I said 'POSSE'"
 
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