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Top 10 Noah

 
Ranch Hand
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The top ten reasons why Noah could not build an ark today.
10. It's already been raining for 40 days and nights.
9. It would take three years for an environmental impact study before funding was approved.
8. Democrats would be concerned about adding to the deficit.
7. The Endangered Species Act won't allow certain species to be removed from their habitat.
6. Organized unions
5. OSHA (Occupational Safety and Health Administration) � need we say more?
4. The Environmental Protection Agency wouldn't let you dump the "stuff" at the bottom of the ark.
3. The French would insist on a U.N. Security Council resolution.
2. Homeland Security would want everybody scanned before boarding.
1. God said, "Build Me an ark" � the ACLU would be all over that.
 
"The Hood"
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An avid golfer died and went to heaven. Just as promised he soon found himself on a beautiful golf course in the heavens waiting to tee off with St Peter.
As they watched the pair ahead of him one of the guys hit a ball into the woods on the edge. After finally finding the ball, he hit it again. This time the ball went forward, swerved around several trees, ducked under some branches, soared up into the air and landed a few feet from the hole.
"Wow" said the guy to St Peter. "Who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?".
"No" said St Peter. "That IS Jesus Christ. He just THINKS that he is Tiger Woods."
 
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