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[rated R] Geriatric joke

 
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An old guy in a rest home gets up one day and realizes it's his birthday. He walks out into the common room with all the rest of the old farts and announces to his friend Vic, "Hey, Vic, today's my birthday. How old do you think I am?"
Vic says, "Well, I'd put you at 75".
The old fart says, "Ha! I'm 80 years old".
Vic says, "Gosh".
The old fart continues until he sees an old lady sitting in a rocking chair. He says to her, "Madam, today is my birthday. How old do you think I am?".
The old lady leans forward and pulls down the old guy's zipper. She reaches in and grabs his pecker and gives it a couple of good squeezes. Then she looks back at the old guy and says, "you're 80 years old!"
The old guy is amazed. He says, "You could tell my age by doing that?!"
The old lady says, "Naw, I heard you tell your friend."
[ July 25, 2003: Message edited by: Paul Wheaton ]
 
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Ben and Martha find romance at the retirement home. Ben tells Martha, since it's so tough to get it up anymore you can just put your hand in my pants and play with ol' willie. So everything is fine for a month or so but one day Martha catches Ben with another old woman with her hands in his pants. Shocked, Martha asks, "Ben, how could you do this to me?! What does she have that I don't have?" Ben replies "Parkinson's"
[ July 25, 2003: Message edited by: Michael Morris ]
 
Timothy Chen Allen
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(Warning: G rated)
Ole Cooter is 70 years old. He goes to the local medical doctor for a good checking up. The doctor looks him over. "Ole Cooter", says the doctor, "you seem to be right healthy. How old was your father when he went on to a better life?"
Ole Cooter drawls, "Doctor, I do not rightly recall having said that Pa had died. He's still alive and kicking at 90 years old."
The doctor says, "Goodness. Well, how old was your grandfather when he went on to his glorious reward?"
Cooter, beginning to get annoyed, says, "Doctor, I don't rightly recall having said that Grandpa had died. Not only is he still alive and healthy at 110, but he's fixing to get himself married."
The doctor, now quite surprised, says, "That's astonishing, Cooter. But why would a gentleman of such advanced age want to get married?"
Cooter looks at the doctor and says, "Now doctor, I don't rightly recall saying that Grandpa wanted to get married..."
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