Paul W. should like the second one.
Do not eat natural foods. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I
learned that most people die of natural causes.
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Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a
weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the
ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
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The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
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There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
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Life is sexually transmitted.
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An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
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If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who
said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
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Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
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The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
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Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use
the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
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Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for anything, but you still
can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of
nothing.
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Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
about seeing UFOs like they used to?
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Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
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All of us could take a lesson from the weather: it pays no attention to
criticism.
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Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
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In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
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Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire but it takes a whole
box to start a campfire?
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AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE NEW YEAR: You've read about all these terrorists
--- most of them came here legally, but they hung around on expired visas,
some for as long as 10 - 15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put
Blockbuster in charge of immigration!
