Adopting my Daughter

[Max Habibi]

Let's please steer clear of volatile, potentially political topics like fingerprinting and how it infringes on personal freedom. Instead, let's hear a bit about how your daughter is adjusting, her favorite toys, and /or some pictures.

Thanks,
M

[fred rosenberger]

Max,

You're right, and I apologize for the potentially inflamatory comments. I have edited my posts to remove such statments. Let me know if i missed one.

And in case anyone reading this is wondering, i did the editing voluntarily, of my own accord, without being asked to do so.

I can't tell you how my daughter is adjusting, what her toys are or post pictures because i don't have a daughter yet. Getting pictures of her is about the last step, and that probably won't be until Feb/Mar 2005, with travel about 2 months after that.

She's over there somewhere at this point, but I know nothing about her (we've requested a girl about 10-18 months old, so she's born by now). It's kind of sad sometimes thinking about what she's going through at the moment, knowing i can't do anything about it...

[Helen Thomas]

fred, you are so brave.

I just grovelled in private for the offence of the day.

[fred rosenberger]

you are so brave

isn't bravery just the actions taken by someone who doesn't know it's dangerous???



Plus, i don't think you said anything bad. "fingerprints, yuck" could simply mean the gross ink they used to use (and possibly still do in some places). nothing inflamitory about that...
[ July 20, 2004: Message edited by: fred rosenberger ]

[John Dunn]

Were you happy with the organization you went through, (Children's Hope Int.)?? Did you work with any you didn't like?

My wife and I are going to a meeting on Thurs. We plan on having one more of our own and by the time we are done, we might just have another on its way... (We hope.)

[fred rosenberger]

were you happy with the organization you went through

So far, we're very happy with CHI. It is the only organization we have spoken with. We know three couples that have, in total, adopted 6 children, all from China, all through CHI. That's how we chose them.

They've been doing this for over 10 years, and they started only doing Chinese adoptions, so they seem to have it down pretty well.
[ July 21, 2004: Message edited by: fred rosenberger ]

[fred rosenberger]

Our apoption agency posts what they call "special needs" babies every three months. These are children who have some issue that can make them harder to place. The children in the most recent group had various things - cataracts, heart problems, cleft palates, hernias, Hepatitis, etc.

Stacey (my wife) and i immediatly fell in love with a little girl born with a cleft lip and palate. we wrote the agency and told them she was the one we wanted. They put us as first on the list, and sent us the info they had on her, saying "show this to your doctor, think about it. She'll still be here on monday".

So, this morning, my wife called and told them that we definatly want her. We now have a daughter. I have a picture. We'll probaly travel in 3-5 months to get her.

My wife was panicking, saying "we were supposed to have until april, now we only have 3 months". I tried to re-assure her, saying that before, we would have procratinated until we got the referral that say "your travelling in 6 weeks". Now, we KNOW we have 3 months, which sort of gave us MORE time, if you think about it...

We're still waiting for various forms, and have a lot more paperwork to do, but she's that much closer to being here now...

[Helen Thomas]

Congratulations , fred !!

Here's to even more positive news.

[Jason Menard]

Congrats! That's so great to hear!

[Jessica Sant]

a huge congrats!

My cousin is adopting a little girl from China. We just got her picture 2 weeks ago, so they should be traveling to bring her home next month sometime. She's absolutely adorable. Everyone in the family is so excited to meet her. I can only imagine how excited you and your wife are.

[Gail Schlentz]

How wonderful for all three of you!! My eyes are teary & my heart feels happy!

[Jeroen Wenting]

Congrats on the speedup. 5 months less to save up all the money you're gonna need

[John Dunn]

Very nice. Will start the CHI process myself now. The wife and I could have Irish twins by next year.

[kayal cox]

Almost all of my friends who have adopted or are planning to adopt have got a baby girl from China. Why china? why a girl?

[fred rosenberger]

Originally posted by kayal cox:
Almost all of my friends who have adopted or are planning to adopt have got a baby girl from China. Why china? why a girl?

Are you asking why WE (my wife and I) specifically, or people in general adopt from China?

We chose it for several reasons. We know three couples who have all gone to China for a total of 6 adoptions. With China, you know what you are getting. We've heard stories about other countries where they tell you you're getting one child, then when you travel over there, they tell you that one is not available, but another one is... Some countries require mysterious payments that seem to come out of nowhere...

Then there are the more practical reasons. Adopting from different countries have different costs. Some require 2 trips. Some require you to stay in the country as long as 6 weeks. Etc.

Why a girl? Our reason was simple: my wife wanted a girl. End of story.

Most adoptions from China are girls, mostly because of the culture... Boys are treated much better than girls. Girls are given up/abandoned much more often than boys. It is possible to adopt a boy, but the process can take much longer. Most people, by the time they decide to adopt, want their child NOW, and/or don't care if it's a boy or a girl. So, since adopting a girl can be faster...

[Jessica Sant]

when I was at my cousin's baby shower they played a video: National Geographic's Ultimate Explorer with Lisa Ling -- "China's Lost Girls". It goes to China and examines why there are so many girls being given up for adoption and follows some American families going there to bring the girls home.

China's lost girls
In “China’s Lost Girls,” National Geographic Ultimate Explorer host Lisa Ling examines the consequences of China’s two-decade-old, one-child policy, as it is commonly called. To curb the country’s exploding population, China limits most families to one child, or in certain circumstances, two children. Due to cultural, social and economic factors, traditional preference leans toward boys, so girls are often hidden, aborted or abandoned. As a result, tens of thousands of girls end up in orphanages across China.

[fred rosenberger]

We have that show (we Tivo'd it), but i haven't had a chance to watch it yet. I've heard it's wonderful. I'm just afraid it would make me sad to watch it. I know i can't bring them all home, but i'm sure i'd want to.

Thanks, Jessica, for reminding me of that show.

p.s. re: your sig - i've got 98 pints donated and counting, and i'm 36. That's an average of over 5 times a year - i'm pretty proud of that!!!

[fred rosenberger]

So we went to the Missouri Secretary of State's office the other day. Many of the documents we gathered have been notarized. Every single one of those then has to be 'authenticated' by the Sec. of State. They basically staple a piece of paper on top of the document that says "the person who notarized this was a valid person to do the notarizing". There was a fee for each form we had authenticated.

Now we have to send all THOSE to the Chinese Consulate's office in Chicago (that's the closest one to St. Louis). They now verify that the person who authenticated the person who notarized my signiature was a valid person to do so. And there is a fee for each document that has to be verified.

Once all that is done, our whole dossier package goes to China. right now we're anticipating travelling in January.

One step closer!!!

[Gail Schlentz]

Originally posted by fred rosenberger:
One step closer!!!

All the red tape sounds like a bad joke about government! Kudos for staying so positive about it.

But considering the goal, I guess any amount of red tape would be worth it!

[Jessica Sant]

[p.s. re: your sig - i've got 98 pints donated and counting, and i'm 36. That's an average of over 5 times a year - i'm pretty proud of that!!!]

Nice! I've got 18 pints, but got negged on my appointment last week 'cause my iron was too low gotta remember to take those dang vitamins more often.

--- My cousin just bought her tickets to go to China at the end of September. So exciting!!

[fred rosenberger]

Last week we took about 13 forms to the Missouri Secretary of State's (SoS) office. Marriage license, Police background checks, financial statements, etc. All of these forms had been notarized (or so we thought... more on that in a second). So this was the stage where we have the notary "authenticated". the SoS checks to make sure the notary was indeed a valid person to be doing the notarizing and that their tenure hadn't expired. And, there is a fee for each document that needs done.

That morning we had had to redo our financial statement - we did the math wrong... oops!!! then we were downtown (about a 25 minute drive) and realized we forgot to have the NEW version notarized at our bank. So, we went into a branch where we have an account, and had them do it. The teller asked us what it was for (they log that in their book), and we told her "we're adopting and it's part of our dossier".

Well, the teller next to her chimed in, because SHE was adopted. The lady behind us then said that she was adopted, and had two adopted children of her own. We all started talking about it, and the notary started crying!!! it was sweet and touching...

anyway, we then hit the SoS office. 3 of our forms were rejected. Our marriage license was not 'properly' notarized. My birth cirtificate, which i have used this EXACT copy of with a raised seal to get my drivers license, register to vote and get my passport, didn't pass their inspection. it was a City issued certificate, not a State. so, we leave 10 documents there, and head out to the county courthouse, about 20 minutes away. wait in one line to get a new copy of our marriage license, pay a fee. The woman next to the one helping us started showing us the picture of HER adopted granddaughter. Then, off to another building, wait in another line, pay another fee, get another copy of my birth cirtificate.

Out to my office (20 more minutes away from downtown) to get my letter of employment verification redone, as the original didn't have the 'jurat' - the statement by the notary saying "i swear on this date this person really really really really did sign this in front of me"

back downtown with the three new forms. While we're waiting for them to finish, we start chatting with another woman who was getting her documents validated for her adoption of her daughter.

we then make 3 full sets of photocopies of all our documents and the document on top of the documents. but we're not allowed to un-staple anything - that invalidates the authentication.

we sent the originals and a set of copies to the consulates office in Chicago. At the post office, we told the lady we need to send it ASAP, and we need to include a postage paid return envelope that will get it back ASAP. She told us it would be about $30 total, and we said "ok"... she got this shocked look on her face and said "Really??? Most people say 'Oh, we didn't mean THAT fast...'". I joked that $30 is a drop in the bucket compared to what this WILL cost us...

So we have confirmation from the post office that our package was delivered there at 11:24 yesterday morning. It should take them about two weeks to process it and send it back (assuming we have everything there and it's all done correctly). So we're once again waiting for somebody else to do THEIR part so we can do the next step.

[fred rosenberger]

We got our paperwork back from the consulate's office on saturday. Everyone told us it would take two weeks, and we even sent it over a U.S. holiday weekend, and it only took 10 days.

We spent sunday making more photocopies of everything (the piece of paper stapled to the piece of paper stapled to the actual document), and re-colating all our copies. We then had to take pictures of us 'around the house', photos of our favorite rooms, photos of the outside of the house, etc. got everything put together for our final dossier to be sent to China.

I would have dropped it off at the agency today, but we don't have the money yet. last week we re-fi'd our house to get some of the equity. They're supposed to be sending us a check any day now. We need that to pay for this next step (and a few more that will be coming up soon). We're now guessing we'll travel sometime between November and February (which is exactly what we were thinking two weeks ago :-) )

We're now looking at buying a used laptop to a) watch DVDs on the 17hour flights across the ocean, b) store photos from our camera, c) keep a journal while over there, and d) email photos and journals back home.

[Satish Avadhanam]

Good to hear the progress, Fred!!

[John Dunn]

Will start the app process with CHI tomorrow. Hopefully we'll have a referral by year-end

[fred rosenberger]

i turned in all our paperwork to CHI on Wednesday. they went over it, and decided everything was A-OK. it is being/has been bundled up, and is being shipped to China today.

Now, we are basically waiting for our travel authority, which means our next major step is getting ready to go get our daughter!!!

[fred rosenberger]

Here's a link to the 6 photos we have of our daughter. The first three are from when she was about 13 months (we think), back in March. the next three are from about 4 weeks ago (again, we think).

Photos

[Helen Thomas]

She doesn't look how I expected. That is she looks like a happy,playful child. Pretty too. You and your wife are blessed.

[Jason Menard]

She's a cutey.

[Jessica Sant]

My cousin just arrived this evening with their new daughter. She's absolutely perfect. I'm so excited to have her in our family. My cousin said the first three days were REALLY tough, but after that she came around and recognized my cousins as her parents.

So, Fred, when do you go to pick up your daughter?

[fred rosenberger]

So, Fred, when do you go to pick up your daughter?

That is the $1meg question... all our paperwork is in - we're just waiting for them to tell us. The holidays are kind of screwing with us. Either last week or the week before was a national holidy in China - basically (so we're told) the entire country takes the week off, so no paperwork was processed. Our best guess at the moment is January, but we could get that phonecall at any moment.

Jessica - congrats to you and your family. I hope your new cousin-once-removed is close and you get to see her often!!!

[fred rosenberger]

We got the famous 'brown envelop' in the mail friday. 'What is this?' you may ask.

Well, depending on who you talk to in the 'biz', it's either a) the next major milestone in our journey, or b) an irrelevant aside.

It's an envelop from (i think) the state department with some forms we have to fill out. We will present these forms in China to the American Embassy/Consulate. it is critical that we HAVE these forms, but they look like something we could have gotten as a .pdf from a web site. Some poeple adopting say they never got one, they just picked up the form in China.

Other people say that they got their phone call a few weeks after receiving this thing.

I really don't know what it means. but i know we got it.

Just letting anyone who cares about this know that i haven't stopped updating, there's really just not much new to report.

[Jeroen Wenting]

as things are now in the hands of communist (thus ultra slow...) bureaucrats no news is good news.
Generally the longer they take the greater the chance of success

[Joe King]

Originally posted by Jeroen Wenting:
as things are now in the hands of communist (thus ultra slow...) bureaucrats

Surely this is something common across all types of bureaucrats? I'm sure there's a Secret International Bureaucrat Society that encourages its members to process everything slowly.

[Jim Yingst]

Ahem. Let's avoid the political stuff, please. We've got a nice thread here for news from Fred. No need to get into side arguments.

[Jeroen Wenting]

Originally posted by Joe King:


Surely this is something common across all types of bureaucrats? I'm sure there's a Secret International Bureaucrat Society that encourages its members to process everything slowly.

Yes, but communist bureaucrats in my experience (direct and indirect) are the world champions at it.
Noone can beat their pace of work, everyone either gives up trying to wait for them to finish or gets so bored watching them they forget they're in a competition and go back to work

[Ellen Zhao]

Just saw the photos of Olivia, wow, what a pretty little girl! And I see a future beauty already. You are brave and lucky, Olivia's lucky, and I wish you only more luck in the future.

Have you got a Chinese name for Olivia? Is she going to learn Chinese when she grows up? Please keep updating!

I remember there was a little giant panda born in US, and people named her Hua2 Mei3. Hua2 means China and Mei3 means America. Clearly it has very nice wish, but...I'd like to hear some more beautiful name for Olivia, she's such a pretty girl! Your family name Rosenberger sounds like German, does it mean someone living in a rose mountain? How romantic! Wish your girl mountains of roses when she grows up
[ December 04, 2004: Message edited by: Ellen Zhao ]

[fred rosenberger]

Thanks, Ellen.

I haven't updated recently because there's really no news. We're (still) waiting for our Travel Authority. There are rumors on the various newsgroups we're on about when it'll come through, but nothing definate. We're guessing we'll travel in January, but that is really only a guess.

Our daughter's Chinese name is Xu ChunPing. Xu being the family name, and ChunPing being the given name (the opposite of how we do it). We were considering keeping ChunPing as her middle name, but one of our Chinese friend's said we shouldn't - it's a "country" name, was how she put it.

We then weren't sure we could pick a good Chinese name, or if we should (should we pick one at random? ask our Chinese friends to name her? etc.) I think at the moment we're considering (and i'm gonna spell this pseudo-phonetically) AhnWhey. "Ann" is my mother's middle name, and my wife's mother's middle name. There is a Chinese word An, which means "peace", and my understanding is that you need to put something on the name to 'finish' it.

We are going to send her to 'chinese' school to learn about her culture and some Chinese - we're even going to try to learn some ourselves (but it's VERY hard to my tone-deaf ear).

And yes, my name (first and last) is German, but i don't speak the language, so i know nothing about it. I've heard various translations, one of them being what you said. Most are something like 'town of the rose','castle of the rose' or 'people who live on a mountain of roses'.

thanks for the good wishes - as soon as we hear any new info, i'll be sure to post!!!

[fred rosenberger]

Ok, it wasn't AS SOON as i had info, but it's within the hour. Our adoption coordinator called my wife at 1:30 CST, and told us we have travel approval. That means we are going to China on January 6th. I'm about to leave work to go get a packet from her with info on what we do now... how to get our Visas, airline tickets, what to pack, who we're travelling with, etc.

It's getting VERY exciting and VERY terrifying. the whole thing has always been rather nebulous in my head - i knew it would happen... someday.

now, it's a definate date. We'll leave st. louis on the 6th, i think we arrive in Beijing on the 8th, we'll spend a day site-seeing/spending tourist dollars, and (hopefully) get her on the 10th or so.

thanks for all the thoughts and kind words.

i'm taking my laptop to china, so hopefully i'll be able to post updates from there as well.

Paul, is this the first baby that can be directly attributed to someone posting on the Ranch???

And Ernest, i might have to ask you to change my title in about a month!!!

THANKS!!!

[peter wooster]

Originally posted by fred rosenberger:
Ok, it wasn't AS SOON as i had info, but it's within the hour. Our adoption coordinator called my wife at 1:30 CST, and told us we have travel approval. That means we are going to China on January 6th. I'm about to leave work to go get a packet from her with info on what we do now... how to get our Visas, airline tickets, what to pack, who we're travelling with, etc.

It's getting VERY exciting and VERY terrifying. the whole thing has always been rather nebulous in my head - i knew it would happen... someday.

now, it's a definate date. We'll leave st. louis on the 6th, i think we arrive in Beijing on the 8th, we'll spend a day site-seeing/spending tourist dollars, and (hopefully) get her on the 10th or so.

thanks for all the thoughts and kind words.

i'm taking my laptop to china, so hopefully i'll be able to post updates from there as well.

Paul, is this the first baby that can be directly attributed to someone posting on the Ranch???

And Ernest, i might have to ask you to change my title in about a month!!!

THANKS!!!

Congratulations and good luck.

[Ernest Friedman-Hill]

Originally posted by fred rosenberger:

And Ernest, i might have to ask you to change my title in about a month!!!

Woo hoo! Just say the word!