Originally posted by Kashif Riaz:
What I don't like is that fact that you MUST get married. What? Eh? Where is the rule book? That is why I hate my culture, its so stupid. Thank god I am not a women, otherwise I would have been pulled out of school at 14 and put on the conveyer belt to an unneccessary marriage because "thats how its supposed to be".
I am abit anti-marriage anyway, as again in my culture we have the old fashioned "you go to work and leave the wife at home" routine. And as much as I hate to say it, women need men more then men need women.
Jayalalitha is my girl friend. KarunaNidhi is my boy friend
Can you provide a word in any Indian language equivalent to 'divorce'.
The only word I know is 'Talaq', but then its a Urdu word.
Originally posted by Dave Lenton:
Under this model people shouldn't live together, or even spend a night together, before they are married.
The problem with this is that until people do spend some time living together, or do become intimate with each other, there are large parts of each other's lives that they will not know. Some people are lucky, but in other cases one person will only find out certain problematic aspects of their partner's personality once they are living together.
Originally posted by kayal cox:
but since I just couldn't find anybody to fall in love with, I did have an arranged marriage.
I've heard it takes forever to grow a woman from the ground
Nick: see, that's just painful for my ears (or eyes, I suppose).
Originally posted by Nick George:
see, that's just painful for my ears (or eyes, I suppose).
Kishore
SCJP, blog
Originally posted by Stephen Huey:
And here's where I differ.
I'm pretty certain that allowing such strong physical intimacy before marriage introduces some variables that might make it much HARDER to tell if you truly love the person (instead of basing a lot of your decision just on how you feel when you're enjoying that person physically). It's true that when dating, people often just try to put their best face forward, so there might be a lot you don't know. This is where putting a considerable deal of time and energy into getting to know them pays off.
The so-called Christian model you see in the US is often pseudo-Christian at best, and while marriage seems to be a joke these days, I have fortunately seen lifetime commitments that work. Why? Because the people involved are COMMITTED, even if it means giving up some things. No two people are really going to fit perfectly together, and while some are closer than others, everyone has to put effort in to make it work: it's not so much give-and-take as each person focusing on constantly giving. Changes will happen, but if each is truly giving, then they'll be willing to give up parts of themselves that are necessary to facilitate these changes.
These concepts are not rocket science so much as just fighting for simple selflessness. They can be applied to other relationships as well, even peacemaking between nations, if you will...
Arranged marriages often work because the people going into it know that work will be required, and don't necessarily assume their feelings will carry them. If only more Westerners who marry "for love" would realize the same thing...
There will be glitches in my transition from being a saloon bar sage to a world statesman. - Tony Banks
Originally posted by Dave Lenton:
While these marriages may technically be described as "working" because the couple is still married, this may not necessarily be a good thing if one or both of the parties are unhappy because of it.
"Thanks to Indian media who has over the period of time swiped out intellectual taste from mass Indian population." - Chetan Parekh
Originally posted by Dave Lenton:
But both involve a long term service agreement that one or other of the parties would probably like to get out of at some point![]()
... and neither come with a sensible set of logical instructions either![]()
Le Cafe Mouse - Helen's musings on the web - Java Skills and Thrills
"God who creates and is nature is very difficult to understand, but he is not arbitrary or malicious." OR "God does not play dice." - Einstein
Originally posted by R K Singh:
I might be wrong but in the society where divorce is seen as taboo, children grow up[or should I say 'they are designed'] in such a way that, for them marriage is a life term commitment. Parents will give their example, their gramdparents example, their uncle, cousin, etc example for successful marriage.
Originally posted by Stephen Huey:
Hear, hear. Too often examples of relationships in American come from reality TV shows and Desperate Housewives and such. For decades divorce has been paraded on televisions in living rooms and we are surprised that so many Americans quickly think of it as an option?
[ February 02, 2005: Message edited by: Stephen Huey ]
Kishore
SCJP, blog
Le Cafe Mouse - Helen's musings on the web - Java Skills and Thrills
"God who creates and is nature is very difficult to understand, but he is not arbitrary or malicious." OR "God does not play dice." - Einstein
MH
Originally posted by Arjun Shastry:
Maximum City by Suketu Mehta--- Desparate housewives are everywhere![]()
![]()
Le Cafe Mouse - Helen's musings on the web - Java Skills and Thrills
"God who creates and is nature is very difficult to understand, but he is not arbitrary or malicious." OR "God does not play dice." - Einstein
Originally posted by kayal cox:
How is this any different from finding someone through Yahoo personals?
I've heard it takes forever to grow a woman from the ground
Alongwith being a good coder, try to be a good professional as well!
Originally posted by Tina Desai:
[QB
I feel those young people who hate arranged marriages very very much, and finds the foreign ways more, should first consider doing his/her education on his/her own. Fair enough??
[/QB]
Also I would like to add something about love marriages in India. What it means really is you choosing the person on your own. That's it. The way to take this ahead is - the parents meet, parents meet the boy/girl, regular 'discussion' as they take place during an arranged marriage take place - like the girls parent asks for the 'expectations'(read 'dowery' if they need any), 'where and how' they want the marriage, how big etc all these things.
MH
Originally posted by Sonny Gill:
This should not stop us from hoping for a change for better.
"Thanks to Indian media who has over the period of time swiped out intellectual taste from mass Indian population." - Chetan Parekh
Originally posted by Tina Desai:
In India, education and marriage of a kid are considered to be the parents responsibilities.
I feel those young people who hate arranged marriages very very much, and finds the foreign ways more, should first consider doing his/her education on his/her own. Fair enough??
There will be glitches in my transition from being a saloon bar sage to a world statesman. - Tony Banks
I've heard it takes forever to grow a woman from the ground
MH
Originally posted by Damanjit Kaur:
In India, arranged marriages are seen as successful but most of the time there are compromises and sacrifices on one partner's side and they continue with that till the end because divorces are frowned upon in our society. Marriages are considered as sacred ties in our society. whether that be love or arranged. So whenever there is some conflict between couples, its usually sorted out by relatives or friends intervention. But in love marriages, relatives usually want the couple to split up.
According to me love means a mutual understanding and willingness on both partner's side to cooperate with each other which I feel one can find in Love marriages because one gets enough time to understand each other.
What is the rate of adultery in arranged marriages? I just wonder if they don't ever get to love, if they stray, but still stay married.
Originally posted by Damanjit Kaur:
Don't know how much.
"Thanks to Indian media who has over the period of time swiped out intellectual taste from mass Indian population." - Chetan Parekh
MH
Originally posted by Arjun Shastry:
As said by another poster,it happens secretely without knowing the partner
MH
Originally posted by R K Singh:
for the groom's parents to dictate where and how they want the marriage, and how much money has to be spent on it?
Whats wrong in it ??
One has todictatedecide where and how marriage should take place, and mind it, its HIS money so he has a right to decide where to spent it.
Tina is right... if you want to adopt a model which suits you then adopt it properly. Pay your college fee, live independantly after 16 yrs of age,
...
See.. nothing wrong in it at all.
What is the rate of adultery in arranged marriages? I just wonder if they don't ever get to love, if they stray, but still stay married.
Mark
Originally posted by Sonny Gill:
Ok, the original statement indicated that the groom's parents tell the bride's parents how much to spend etc. etc., I think that is wrong, definately.
"Thanks to Indian media who has over the period of time swiped out intellectual taste from mass Indian population." - Chetan Parekh
Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do !!<br /> <br />SCJP & SCWCD 1.4
Originally posted by Dave Lenton:
While I totally agree that parents have a responsibility to ensure that their children get a good education, I fail to see why it is also a responsibility of theirs to choose who their child spends the rest of their life with. Certainly parents will wish for their child to be with someone suitable, but at the point when their offspring gets married he/she will be an adult. Surely an adult can, and has the right to, choose the person they will be living with? Its almost as if the parents are saying, in your scenario, "We paid for your education, so now you have a debt to us and that debt means that you must spend the rest of your life living with the person we choose.". It just seems a little strange to me that a supposed adult will have such an important choice taken away from them just because their parents fulfilled their responsibility to educate. On the other hand, part of this strangeness could well just be cultural differences - it may be hard for me, in one culture, to understand another culture that I have very little experience of.
[ February 08, 2005: Message edited by: Dave Lenton ]
[SCJP2, SCWCD1.3, SCBCD]
Originally posted by Arjun Shastry:
{
I feel those young people who hate arranged marriages very very much, and finds the foreign ways more, should first consider doing his/her education on his/her own. Fair enough??
}
Indian economic model was/is not flexible enough so that person can earn and learn at the same time.Initially it was command economy where much stress was given on rote learning and your GPA to get a job rather than real experience.Even today,you will see many companies and Govt organizations reject resumes if you are not from "good" school and with "good" GPA.Getting minted out from such "good" schools means descent money and full time study.So its not possible to eran and learn at the same time.By the way,how many Indian girls will choose a partner who goes to night school to complete the study and runs a garage during day?![]()
[SCJP2, SCWCD1.3, SCBCD]
Originally posted by Pradeep Bhat:
Nice thread.![]()
- Varun
Originally posted by Sonny Gill:
Are you saying that as long as somebody pays for her children's education, it is fair for her to hate arranged marriages?
This should not stop us from hoping for a change for better. or Are you implying that it is ok to ask for dowry, or for the groom's parents to dictate where and how they want the marriage, and how much money has to be spent on it?
Alongwith being a good coder, try to be a good professional as well!