Obligation to smile?

[Jan de Boer]

Henry Wong wrote:Potentially illegal drugs and/or techniques of faking it, aren't the changes that is being referred to here....   ... and if you are, then, I don't even know what to say next.... except.... seriously?!?

I am absolutely against drugs, I am a fanatic sportsman, please be aware of that. But I was in my twenties, had a daughter to take care for and I was totally desperate. By the way, I only considered it. I did not have the sources to get these materials.

[Jan de Boer]

Liutauras Vilda wrote:Can you see where the manager possibly coming from?

Would it change your mind if I told you I had like a dozen managers in my professional life, and of those 12, only one other had this persistent scraping narrative to tell me? The 11 others said, 'a little nerdy, but surely motivated and a great sense of humor'. After indeed in the first encounter seeing me a little slow and unhappy, but then quickly recognizing that this was just the outside.

[Henry Wong]

Jan de Boer wrote:
Would it change your mind if I told you I had like a dozen managers in my professional life, and of those 12, ...

Hmmm.... Would it matter if we are in agreement with you?  You have a few points, and we have some differences regarding it -- and are offering our suggestions with the differences.

You don't agree with our differences (mostly all actually), and hence, with our suggestions... but ... does it matter if we agreed with you? Are you looking for suggestions, and/or perhaps, constructive criticism? Or are you simply looking for affirmation?

Henry

[Jan de Boer]

Henry Wong wrote:Would it matter if we are in agreement with you?

Seriously, you on your hand have you even considered that I might have a point? You say I am not listening what you are saying, well I think this goes at least as much for you two. But yeah, okay, just leave it.

[Liutauras Vilda]

If all the discussions with you end up like that.. whenever something doesn't go along the line you like, "leave it...". Sure.

[Jan de Boer]

No Liutauras, it is mainly just this thing. I have tried so times to explain that how somebody might appear does not have to be how he really is. Not specificly to you two. I know I can have a strong opinion on other things too, and I can be stubborn, but this is different. By the way, I know you don't mean it badly, I do, even if you might think not.

And yes, as addition, I have learnt this is really hard to explain to people and since in other situations I was at least less bothered by it, I still conclude I should go here, despite technically liking this job. I will now try to find a sort of equal job with other management. My apologies.

[Liutauras Vilda]

All fine, Jan. Just look simpler to everything. [edit] that is usually easier said than done

[Jan de Boer]

No, it is okay, I have read you comment, and you are right to some extent, I am too negative. It is true. So I have not just skipped it and thought I am right you are wrong. But is not the main cause in my view, and certainly not my main frustration. I have also made a demotivated impression when I was just mad at myself, deeply thinking, or just tired. And then tired because you do your best and work hard. Subsequently some people who misinterpret me say.... et cetera. But I have said that already a few times. Good night!

[Liutauras Vilda]

Jan de Boer wrote:

Finally, we did some progress here Good night, see you next time.

[Al Hobbs]

Jan de Boer wrote:In my year review my manager said she said she thought I was not motivated because I did not smile at the office.

Unless you feel like she is going to fire you because you don't smile, then just say you'll try your best and then leave it at that.  If you are really bothered by her asking you to pretend to be happy, then I don't necessarily think changing jobs would be a long term solution.  She seems like she should mind her own business with the smiling thing though.  Your job doesn't you require to serve people, so I would just ignore her and focus on what's important.  

[Jan de Boer]

I have got a new job. I talked to other programmers about this 'happy face' obligation. And they recognized that. Actually one of my scrum team members had the exact same experience as I had.

I now wonder if I should tell this is one of the reasons I am leaving. I talked to two people and they both said, don't bother because she won't change her behaviour anyway. So I think I will just say, I found a better paid job closer to home. The latter is not a lie, it is 90km closer and pays 20% more.

[Liutauras Vilda]

Jan de Boer wrote:I have got a new job.

Congratulations, Jan!

Jan de Boer wrote:I now wonder if I should tell this is one of the reasons I am leaving.

Forget! Don't you have anything more important to do...

You better tell us about the new job, that should be the exiting news, not the crap from the past.

[Jan de Boer]

Liutauras Vilda wrote:

Jan de Boer wrote:I now wonder if I should tell this is one of the reasons I am leaving.

Forget!

Not to you, but to the manager of the company I am leaving. If she asks. (If you're not interested just don't read.)

[Liutauras Vilda]

Jan de Boer wrote:Not to you, but to the manager of the company I am leaving. If she asks.

This is exactly what I meant.

Jan de Boer wrote:(If you're not interested just don't read.)

I read and replied, but thanks for making such option available  

[Campbell Ritchie]

Congratulations on the new job

[Jan de Boer]

Liutauras Vilda wrote:This is exactly what I meant.

Ah, yeah, okay. I won't bring it up and focus on how exciting the new job is. Thought that would be best.