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Husband:look dear i made a idli for you.
Wife:hey how come you made so much big idli.
Husband:using that cloth.
Wife:you idiot, give my bra back.
 
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What is Idli?
 
Greenhorn
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Originally posted by Chetan Parekh:
What is Idli?



Might be Bruce Lee's Madrasi name.
 
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Ok, so idlii's are made with the help of some holder - something that holds them.

Can i have that idlii corresponding to that holder
I like big idliis kiddin
[ August 09, 2006: Message edited by: Antonio Giovanni ]
 
Chetan Parekh
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Originally posted by Antonio Giovanni:
Ok, so idlii's are made with the help of some holder - something that holds them.

Can i have that idlii corresponding to that holder
I like big idliis kiddin

[ August 09, 2006: Message edited by: Antonio Giovanni ]



Run following code, you will get it.

idli.getClassLoader();
 
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Originally posted by Chetan Parekh:


Run following code, you will get it.

idli.getClassLoader();



idli.getClassLoader(HardL as string) - For idli
sambher.setLoader ..........Pass HardL in this function - For Sambher
return HardL ..........U will get Chatni as a return - For Chatni(White)

 
Chetan Parekh
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Originally posted by Rakesh Joshi:


idli.getClassLoader(HardL as string) - For idli
sambher.setLoader ..........Pass HardL in this function - For Sambher
return HardL ..........U will get Chatni as a return - For Chatni(White)



Naughty
 
Rakesh Joshi
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Originally posted by Chetan Parekh:


Naughty



After You................
 
Vikram Kohli
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Schin Tendulkar and Mallika Sherawat having sex.
Mallika:-Oh god,i will not do sex with you.
Sachin:-Why?
Mallika:-Because AIDS is written on your penis.
Sachin:-Stupied, let it be get straightened,its ADIDAS NOT AIDS.
 
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A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.

After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.

Whooosh! A torso pops out!

The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy.

The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink"!

The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.

Whooosh! Two arms pop out! The bar goes wild.

The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink"!

The bartender ignores the whole affair.

By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.

Whooosh! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.

The father falls to his knees, tearfully giving thanks!!

The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left....then to the right ... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.

The bar falls silent.

The father moans in grief.

The bartender sighs and says... "He should have quit while he was a head!"
 
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More Mallu Taak!

One of my mallu friend used to say "I dold my fader to get de gey". He meant "I told my father to get the key".

In a Trivandrum college, a Tamilian professor asked the Peon to get him "chaakkh" for chalk indeed. The poor guy went places and got him after 1 hour jute mattress which you would call in Malayalam chaakk! Malayalees call chalk as choke !

When asked a mallu why there are signals in the junction, he replied that it is there so that he can sell newspapers. These jokes show how industrous a mallu is!

When Neil Armstrong first landed in the moon, the only thing he could find there was a mallu's chaaya kada (tea shop)!

Why did the old mallu go to co-ledge. He went to co-ledge to get some no-ledge !

Hemant and his dad went to purchase a PC. They met one of his mallu colleagues and asked for his opinion. He told them to go to the other lane & find "pc weld". We went there and found no such shop. They searched the entire market thinking that the guy was disoriented.
After about 45 minutes of looking high-n-low Hemant said "let's go back to the same lane. Maybe it's a small shop with a small board", & there staring back at them was a big board "pc world"!

A professor of Engg. Graphics in our engineering college, had a hilarious hold of English. When he wanted fresh air in our labs, he would instruct one of the students to "open the doors of the windows and let the atmosphere come in"!



Put the wind into the ball (because the football had to be blown up)!

There are so many Malayalees in the air force that it is zimbly called the india nair force !!!

Why did the mallu go to coliage? to gain some know-liage.
Why did the same mallu go to the demple? to 'bray'
why did the mallu go to the the 'soo' (zoo)? zimply!



The oo-fice was closed on o-gust dwendy secand because of a bendh colled by congress.

You know he/she is a mallu when their name ends with "ju". Riju, biju, aju, liju, saju, raju, renju, tinju, sanju, anju, manju!
You know he/she is a mallu when their name ends with "nu". Manu, binu, sinu, rinu, anu, vinu, linu, jinu, tinu etc.!

You need to know little of Kannada and Malayalam to appreciate this: One newly arrived Malayali in Bangalore goes to a bus stop and asks a person waiting there in supposed to be Kannada illi buss indhiraa nagar hogumoo?
the person replys hoganam !!

Why was the mallu not included in the football team?
ans : he was not selected because whenever he gets a corner, he sets up a tea shop there!
Malayalam if spelt either ways is the same, so you never know if they are coming in or going out.

What degree did the mallu get after completing law college?
ans :yell yell bee
Why did a mallu buy an yer-ticket ?
ans :to go to gelf to yern money !
What does mallu wants to convey when he/she says "We are the most impotent people in india" ?
ans : He/she means important.

What does mallu girls wants to show you when she says "Come to my home, I'll show you my hole" ?
ans : Actually, she wanted to show you her hall (leaving room)



Mallu Interview!

A "Mallu" female (from the heart of Kerala) went for a job interview for the post of a SECRETARY. When the manager saw the Mallu's colorful attire and gold and well oiled uncombed jet black hair, his mind was screaming "NOT THIS WOMAN." Nevertheless, he still had to entertain the Mallu. So he told her "If You could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may be I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK."

The enthusiastic Mallu lady thought for a while and said: "I hear the phone GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone,I say YELLOW..... BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiye yenda amme, Wrong number.. ... Don't PURPLELY disturb pxeople and don't call BLACK, yokeeyy? Thank you."

The Manager fainted!


The plane in which two mallus who were traveling crashed over an ocean. Once in the water other passengers swam for floats to keep themselves afloat but the Mallus swam towards the cargo portion collecting lemons to make lemon juice.


Why do Mallus wear Mundu? Because in the Monsoon flood the mundu can be tucked upwards as the water rises.


What can be done to put a Mallu to dilemma ? Offer him fish curry and kaLLu (toddy) and ask him to choose only one of them.




English Pronunciation of Malayalees

What processor does a Mallu have in his PC?
A Pendium

What does a Mallu do to run for elections in Hongkong?
Change his name from Thankachan to Than Ka Chan.

What does a Mallu do to run for elections in England?
Change his name from Vaideswaran to Vaides Waran.

What will a mallu reply when asked "Are there any mosquitoes in your house?
Plendy

Why did the Malayalee crossed the road?
Simbly.

Where did the malayalee study?
In the kollage.

What did the Malayalee do when the plane caught fire?
He JEMBED out of the VINDOW...

Why did he go to Rome?
To hear POPE music..

Why did the Malayalee cross the road?
To join the union on the other side.

What does a Malayalee do when he has to stand for election in Delhi?
He changes his name. Madhavan to M A DHAWAN.

What does a Malayalee do to stand for elections in New York?
He changes his name. Karunakaran to KEVIN CURREN

What would you call a Mallu martial arts expert?
A MalayaLEE

Why does a Malayalee go to a temple?
Zimply to Bray.

How does a baby mallu cry?
"visa visa visa visa . . ."

Why did the Malayalee buy an air ticket?
To go to DUBAIH ..simbly to meet his UNGLE and AUNDY in GELF.

Who was Bruce Lee's best friend in Malayasia?
Malaya LEE

How does a malayalee spell Malayalam?
YAMM - YAY - YELL - YAY - WHY - YAY - YELL -YUMM.

What did the Mallu scientist do on reaching the moon?
He tested the soil if it was fit to plant tapioca.

Why do Mallus wear Mundu?
Because in the Monsoon flood the mundu can be tucked upwards as the water rises.

What happens when a bakery in Kerala is named after a gerrl called Anu?
Its named 'Anus Bakery'.

Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi.

What is the tax on Mallu's income called?
IngumDax

What is Malayali management graduate called?
A Yem Bee Yae.



Where is the only place in the world where a Malayalee doesn't work hard?
- Keralam (Kerala)





 
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KERALA HERE I COME ;-)

Kerala version of The Hotel California

On the road to Trivandrum
Coconut oil in my hair
Warm smell of avial
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a bright pink tube-light
My tummy rumbled, I felt weak and thin
I had to stop for a bite
There he stood in the doorway
Flicked his mundu in style
And I was thinking to myself
I don't like the look of his sinister smile
Then he lit up a petromax
Muttering "No power today"
More Mallus down the corridor
I thought I heard them say
Welcome to the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace,
Plenty of bugs at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Any time of year
Any time of year (background)
It's infested here
It's infested here
His finger's stuck up his nostril
He's got a big, thick mustache
He makes an ugly, ugly noise
But that's just his laugh

Buxom girls clad in pavada
Eating banana chips
Some roll their eyes, and
Some roll their hips
I said to the manager
My room's full of mice
He said,
Don't worry, saar,I sending you
meen karri, brandy and ice
And still those voices were crying from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them pray
> Save us from the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace
Trying to live at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
It is no surprise
It is no surprise (background)
That it swarms with flies

The blind man was pouring
Stale sambar on rice
And he said
We are all just actors here
In Silk Smitha-disguise
And in the dining chamber
We gathered for the feast
We stab it with our steely knives
But we just can't cut that beef
Last thing I remember
I was writhing on the floor
That cockroach in my appam-stew was the culprit,
I am sure
Relax, said the watchman
This enema will make you well
And his friends laughed as they held me down
God's Own Country? Oh, Hell!

C The Yeagles
 
Chetan Parekh
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In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.

He approached her and asked; " Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me.

You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.

Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, " Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women.

One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice
said: "If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair"
 
Greenhorn
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Just curious Santhos Pills, are you from Kerala?
 
Chetan Parekh
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One day Kuttappan's dad bought a robot.
The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.
Kuttappan returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, " Son why are you late from school?".
Kuttappan answered, "Dad we had extra classes today".
Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and slapped Kuttappan on his face.
His dad told him Mone (son) This robot is special in that he can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me the truth, " Why are you late?"

"Dad I went for a movie", " Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments", Splatt Kuttappan got a tight slap on the face from the robot.

" No dad honest I went for the movie Sex Queen." Shame on you son when I was your age I never used to do such shameful things."

Splatt, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.
Hearing all this, Kuttappans mother comes walking out of the kitchen saying, "Athu pinne enginnenaa, ningalude monealle?" ( After all he is your son, he will be like you), to which the robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on Kuttappans mothers face.
 
It is sorta covered in the JavaRanch Style Guide.
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