21 months ago my second son, Brian, was born. My wife, Sarah, had had a 15-hour labor with our first (Michael). Common wisdom said that the labor with the second child would take about half as long. Therefore, we were expecting approximately 7 to 8 hour labor with Brian.
Now, we are not the type of people who would get all hysterical when the wife goes into labor. In this vein, Sarah had decided that when labor started with Brian, she would go to the kitchen and fix some snack food to take to the hospital. When contractions were spaced 5 minutes apart, then we would depart for the hospital -- food in hand and all in a very organized fashion.
Sarah's mother had come to our place from Ohio so that there would be someone to watch Michael while we went to the hospital. We had everything lined up for a nice, orderly delivery. Needless to say, since I'm writing this, that did not happen.
I went to bed at about 11:00 pm the night before Brian was born. At about midnight, Sarah stopped in to say that she was feeling "cooped up" and needed to go for a walk in town. After making sure that she had her cell phone (and that she would be walking past the local hospital -- which was not the one where we were supposed to go, just the local hospital), she went out the door. When she got back at about 1 am, her mother was still awake and they stayed up and talked until about 2 am. Sarah then went to bed.
At about 3 am Sarah woke up feeling the first twinges of labor. She was in bed for about half an hour before she noticed that she was having to Breathe through these contractions. Still, she thought that she would go to the kitchen and get some food and then we would go to the hospital. At 3:45 am her Breathing woke me up. I rolled over and asked "Is it time to go?" Her response: "Shut up." My response: "Yes, it's time to go." Her Response: "SHUT UP."
I through some clothes on and, after that contraction had passed, Sarah asked me to go out to the car where she had her "emergency" bag packed -- the bag that contained the necessities in case we had to go to the hospital while we were out and about. She wanted the comfortable clothes that she had there. She then asked for help in getting to the bathroom. remembering about women in labor, I asked it I could put my hands on her shoulder before helping her. She said, "Yes," so I was able to help her. (Men, take note of that for when
your wives are in labor...

)
I went out back and ambled to the car. On my way, I stopped to look at the stars, thinking about what a nice night it was. It was then that I heard a howl from the house. I decided that now was not the time to be stargazing, so I ran to the car, grabbed the clothes, and ran back into the house. On my way back in, I head a second howl.
WhenI got inside, Sarah was in the bathroom and Michael was awake. The first howl was Sarah experiencing the urge to push, and the second was Michael who had been awaked by the first. Sarah's mother was trying to get Michael (who was two at the time) calmed down. She took him down stairs while I went to get my shoes. I had decided that we were going straight to the hospital and forget getting stuff ready in the kitchen.
Meanwhile, Sarah's mother called up and asked if Sarah needed the paramedics. Her first response was, "I don't know..." followed by an immediate "YES!" I didn't hear that
exchange, but I did hear sarah follow that up with "Get Joel in here."
I came down the hallway with one shoe on (having been unable to quickly locate the other -- it had gotten kicked under the bed) and said that I needed my cell phone. I heard Sarah's mother say that she had it. I was still under the impression that we were going to be on our way into the hospital and that I would call the obstetrician and have him meet us at the hospital. When I walked into the bathroom, I was disabused of that notion -- there was a head!
I immediately knelt down and said, "There's something over the head." Sarah pushed again and then her water broke, thereby removing the something-over-the-head. With that second push, Brian came all the way out. I took him, did as much of an Apgar
test as I could remember, and handed him to Sarah. Sarah's mother had come upstairs and had 911 on the phone. I heard her say, "we've got a baby" before I went to get some cloths to wrap Brian in. It wasn't until I got back with those cloths--and at the prodding of the 911 dispatcher--that we thought to check to see if Brian was Brian or Rachael. As I was there, Michael came back upstairs where the action was, looked in the bathroom, and said, "It's baby Brian!"
I had gotten the wrong cloths, so Sarah sent me down the hall again to get the correct ones -- ones that she wouldn't mind getting all bloody and gunky. As I was there, I saw the ambulance pull up outside. I checked the clock. It was now 4 am. From the time I woke up to the time Brian was born had been less than 15 minutes.
Amazingly, having the ambulance pull up in front of our house was the thing that calmed Michael down the most. He was fascinated by ambulances and he now had the opportunity to see one up close! I let the paramedics come in and do the standard stuff -- cutting the umbilical cord and all that. Sarah was then taken to the hospital in the ambulance while I followed in the car. On the way in, I called off work (leaving my boss -- who had been on vacation the previous week -- a message along the lines of "Hi. Brian was just born, so I won't be in to work, but before I get into that, how was your vacation? ....")
From there on, things were pretty routine.