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CIA Agents

 
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The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!" The man said: You can't be serious. I would never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said: "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after the other. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

MORAL: Women are evil. Don't mess with them.
 
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What Are Politics?

A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are politics?"

His dad replies, " Put it this way; I am the breadwinner of the family
so I am capatilism. Your mom is the owner of the money so she is
government. The government is the provider for the people so you are
the people. Your baby brother will be the future, and the nanny is the
working class. Now think about that."

So he went to bed. He was woken by his brother. The baby had pooped in
his daiper. He went to tell his parents, but he only found his mom
asleep in the bed. He didn't want to wake her, so he went to the
nanny. The door was locked. He checked through a hole and saw the dad
in bed with the nanny. He went back to bed. The next morning, he went
to his dad and said, "Dad i know what you mean now."

"You do? Tell me."

"OK, while capatilism is screwing the working class, the government is
sound asleep, while the people are watching the future being pooped
on!!!"
 
Jesse Torres
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Government Tactics

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all
trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The
President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a
forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of
extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest,
killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no
apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten
bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
 
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A very clever man wants to do a good thing but the wicked government stops him. A retired American Physics PHD Prize-winning Professor who teaches in a British state school was told that he had to re-sit his GCSE maths exam normally taken by 16 yr olds. It's a similar case for head of fee-paying Westminster school who retires next year and wants to teach at a state school. The fear is that while they may excel at teaching bright kids they may not do so well teaching dim ones, a skill needing state qualifications, including expert form-filling and jargon-wielding.(Good degrees? Nah!)

A rep from the a quasi autonomous non-governmental teaching agency jumps in shouting "You have been quangoed!" . Surreal!
[ October 19, 2004: Message edited by: Helen Thomas ]
 
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https://coderanch.com/wiki/718759/books/Building-World-Backyard-Paul-Wheaton
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