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Should I Still Go Out With Her

 
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I have been seeing a lady on and off for about 4 years, I go out with her, buy her stuff, and fix some of her broken household gadgets. When I am with her, sometime I do think that she does not know me at all and she confuses me with someone who is the complete polar opposite instead of seeing me as a Geek she sees me as Chav. She often believes that I am seeing anther woman sometime even another man -I am not going to talk the probability of geeks being gay- and whenever she phone me she thinks that there is girl talking in the background. Now she has accused me of steeling some DVDs, a pen and clothing that is too small for anyone I know. She sees me as a liar, a womaniser and a thief and a manipulator for involving my mother-i merly asking her for advice.

She doesn’t see a kind, honest Geek and that if I should turn to crime to make some money, I would always protect her. Maybe because I see here as one of the innocent people who needs protecting from cruel and manipulative NTs and when she gets angry with me in an justified way, I can forgive her as a older person can forgive a child.

What should I do in this situation, and what should I say to her
 
Trailboss
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I'm hardly the person to talk about women, but .... what the hell ...

Seems to me that the best reason to be in that kind of relationship is to grow as a person: experience a new perspective on life and become more than you were before. But it sounds like this relationship is the opposite - a draining experience.

I vote that you move on. From what little you've shared, it would be better to be alone than be with her.

Just one geek's vote.
 
lowercase baba
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Sounds to me like she's a little "off". If she doesn't see you for who you are, then perhaps she doesn't really like you... she sees what she wants you to be, or she's paranoid...

i would also vote for "move on", but that's much easier said than done.
 
author
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ALL RIGHT, if you have never seen "The Ladder Theory" website before and you're a guy whose even slightly geeky, I highly recommend reading this entire thing as it is one of the most insightful things I have ever read about why nice guys always get screwed.

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

Oh, but if you're a girl, don't click on it.
 
Gerald Davis
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I am at work at the moment and the corporate firewall blocks me from accessing the site, It is easy to understand why. Woman are attracted to power, that can be in different forms, it can be money, or loads of friends = a big army. Many women are attracted to men who are willing to acquire power for them at any cost, even if it is underhanded. That is why many women are attracted to criminal types and honesty and justice limit the good guy, can imagine how much money I could make getting access to unprotected PC using Keyloggers and such.

Maybe my girlfriend sees me as one of those criminal types, and that makes me more attractive then I would otherwise be if she were able to see things as it really is. I tell here �don�t worry about other girls, if you need to worry then worry about my mother I invest more time and more money on her then I will on any woman�.
Often woman call their boyfriends Mumy Boys for the sole purpose of embarrassing them and manipulating them away from their mother to get more time and money that would otherwise be spend on their mothers.
 
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Gerald,

Most of men seem to be having teh same experience.

It will be good for her and to you to part ways.

It is tough, very tough to break and go away from a long relationship like this. But, if you don'treak away now, it will be the same story, patch up this evening and fight in the next morning.

So, it is always good for you and to her to part your ways when thinsg don't work. You can always cherish those sweet memories of the best of your times with her.

Regards
Santosh
 
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Dude,
Are you in the relationship for yourself or for her? (That's mostly, but not completely, a rhetorical question.) If you want what's most likely to be best for you, I would say to get out now.

Two stories:
1. I was dating a girl that exhibited any number of irritating behaviors. (She wasn't as bad as the person you're with now; she just lacked too many basic social skills.) But I figured...
  • it wasn't that bad
  • once the irritations were identified, she'd do those things less
  • being with her was better than not having any girlfriend at all.
  • I was wrong on all three.

    2. A good friend of mine was going out with a girl very similar to the one you describe. She was similarly paranoid and distrustful. Just when one storm would finally blow over, another one would pop up. e.g. Just after she stopped being convinced that his family hated her because they (conservative Jews) didn't send a Christmas card, he would take five seconds too long to pass the phone to her and that would convince her that he wanted to sleep with her sister. It took about six months of living together to convince him that things would never get any better. Getting out of there was the best move he made.

    My point is...
    Unless you're prepared to stick with her while she seeks professional help for her problems and basically put your love life on hold until she can treat you with the respect (I assume) you deserve, then it's best to leave now. Until her (for lack of a better word) paranoia is seriously addressed, things will not get better. (Read that sentence three more times out loud. Done? Now read it twice more to yourself.) And don't wait; in addition to the pain and suffering that you go through in the mean time, there is also the "opportunity cost" of the people you didn't meet during that time.

    I hate to sound cynical and anti-relationship, but I've seen and been a part of enough relationships similar to your to think I have advice to offer. I'm not anti-relationship; I'm anti-bad-relationship.

    BTW, if you love her enough that you're willing to stay with her while she works out her problems, more power to you. But do it with your eyes open. Go read the second sentence from two pargraphs back a couple more times.
    [ December 21, 2005: Message edited by: Ryan McGuire ]
     
    slicker
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    My too sense: Keep dating women, (and continue safely sleeping with every one of them), until you find one that doesn't require asking anyone if you should dump 'em. (They are out there, too.)

    =============

    Remember, if you're trying too hard, then you're trying too hard.

    BTW, why don't you respect yourself enough to date a solid, sound, stand-up, kick-ass woman?
     
    Scott Selikoff
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    "I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl that would be really mad if she heard me say that"
     
    Ranch Hand
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    Good god man! Have a little self respect! Posting that on an internet forum!
     
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    Dude! Run far far away! Delete her number from your cell right now! I mean it!
     
    Rancher
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    I think the jury in back in on this one.
     
    ranger
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    Good link to the Ladder theory.

    Mark
     
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    Originally posted by Gerald Davis:
    I have been seeing a lady on and off for about 4 years, I go out with her, buy her stuff, and fix some of her broken household gadgets. When I am with her, sometime I do think that she does not know me at all and she confuses me with someone who is the complete polar opposite instead of seeing me as a Geek she sees me as Chav. She often believes that I am seeing anther woman sometime even another man -I am not going to talk the probability of geeks being gay- and whenever she phone me she thinks that there is girl talking in the background. Now she has accused me of steeling some DVDs, a pen and clothing that is too small for anyone I know. She sees me as a liar, a womaniser and a thief and a manipulator for involving my mother-i merly asking her for advice.

    She doesn’t see a kind, honest Geek and that if I should turn to crime to make some money, I would always protect her. Maybe because I see here as one of the innocent people who needs protecting from cruel and manipulative NTs and when she gets angry with me in an justified way, I can forgive her as a older person can forgive a child.

    What should I do in this situation, and what should I say to her



    Dude, you need a therapist. Dudes like you are why women are like this.
     
    Scott Selikoff
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    Originally posted by Mark Spritzler:
    Good link to the Ladder theory.

    Mark



    I love that site...


    Another thing to watch out for is the code words women use. Here is a translation guide for dealing with women.

    Says: I want a man who is motivated and has goals.
    Means: I want a rich man

    Says: I want a man who knows how to treat a woman.
    Means: I want a rich man

    Says: He's from a really good family.
    Means: He's from a really rich family.

     
    Gerald Davis
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    Originally posted by A. Levi:


    Dude, you need a therapist. Dudes like you are why women are like this.



    Believe it or not, this is the best relationship that I ever had and unlike the others she wasn�t cold and she like hugs and is worm. I don�t see how I could make woman like this at all, because when I am with her, I am myself totally, it is easy to think that I have an unhealthy attitude relationships and life but I don�t. I will break up with her, but being alone is going to be worse the only thing I will get back is more time and money, which I am very short, and my only reason for breaking up with her.
     
    Mark Spritzler
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    Originally posted by A. Levi:


    Dude, you need a therapist. Dudes like you are why women are like this.



    Kind of a little mean there? Gerald may have his quirks, but we all do.

    Mark
     
    Scott Selikoff
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    Ok my 2 cents... break with her.

    More detailed explanation? Because you know she's not worth being with. Its a terrible thing to be with someone just because you're afraid of being alone or because you think you can never find anyone 'nearly as good'. I've been in the situation and it hurts like hell but you eventually get over it and realize it wasn't right to begin with. You deserve better, and even if she is the 'best you've ever been with' there are *PLENTY* of other woman out there. She's not the only 'warm' woman out there as I'm sure other people will testify to. You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them, and shouldn't settle for anything less.
    [ December 22, 2005: Message edited by: Scott Selikoff ]
     
    (instanceof Sidekick)
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    You've seen Fight Club right? Are you real sure you're not the other guy she's seeing?
     
    A. Levi
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    Originally posted by Mark Spritzler:


    Kind of a little mean there? Gerald may have his quirks, but we all do.

    Mark



    Yeah, but this guy is unbelievable. I thought brad pitt is the only guy who is sucking up big time for the other half. But this guy tops him.
     
    John Dunn
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    Dude just for that, I PUNISH you to dating all types of women and I insist that you sleep with at least three different countries!

    Shame on you.

    There is a world of women and you whine over a weirdo.
     
    Nick George
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    guys have been dreaming of sleeping with three different countries for a long time now.
     
    Gerald Davis
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    Do you think that I should give here a print out of this post. Ok ok it is a bad idea
     
    Yeah, but does being a ninja come with a dental plan? And what about this tiny ad?
    Java file APIs (DOC, XLS, PDF, and many more)
    https://products.aspose.com/total/java
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