LOL - amen for the desire to steer clear of flame wars :-)
I would ask the folks that you are talking to why they believe EJB is outdated. In essense, EJB provides a number of services geared towards
Java server-side business component development - transactions, persistence, dependency injection, component registry, lookup, remoting, web services, interceptors, scheduling, security, messaging, etc. I think those are mainstays of any middleware technology, not just EJB, Spring or .NET. Additionally, EJB 3 provides these services with minimal configuration on your part and via 100% annotations (or XML or a mix of both, if you prefer).
Hope this helps,
Reza