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tom swifties

 
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from fun-with-words.com:

"I need a pencil sharpener," said Tom bluntly.
"Oops! There goes my hat!" said Tom off the top of his head.
"I can no longer hear anything," said Tom deftly.
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.
"This must be an aerobics class," Tom worked out.

Here's my first, lame, attempt:

"I hate sewing", Susan pleaded.

one I just heard:

"Elvis is dead!" Bob said expressly.
 
Marshal
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Sorry... I don't get it. Yeah, I know how the swifties work, but I just can't translate "plead" into anything to do with sewing.
 
Rancher
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pleaded <-> pleated
 
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"I'll get the milk!", Bert expressed
 
David O'Meara
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"The program isn't loaded", Dave stated
 
David O'Meara
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"I can take it for you", John offered (hmm, not so sure)
 
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I'll admit that I am pretty bad at this -- even the "easy" ones took me a while to "get".

Henry
 
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"I never know how to end my try / catch blocks", Tom admitted finally.
 
David O'Meara
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oh ouch
 
pete stein
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David O'Meara wrote:oh ouch


You're just saying that cuz you didn't think of it first.
 
David O'Meara
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my comment still stands
 
Paul Clapham
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Mike Simmons wrote:pleaded <-> pleated



Yeah, that was my best guess. Probably the two words don't sound as much alike in my dialect as they do in Bert's then, he said incomprehensibly.
 
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I'm just making these up:

"She's not breathing!" Tom said unerringly.

"I'm not sure if Church's Theorem applies here," Tom said haltingly.

"No, no, you have to dereference it!" Tom said pointedly.

"Thanks for coming on this camping trip with me," Tom send intently.

Stop me when you've had enough.

 
Bert Bates
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"Ernest has yet another talent", Bert said skillfully.

(Kathy is loving the try/catch block)

"Try not to burn that steak", Tom said seriously.
 
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Ernest Friedman-Hill wrote:
"She's not breathing!" Tom said unerringly.


My favorite so far. Feels like it gets old when tapping the same kind of pun though.

Some offerings:

"I love this switchblade," he snickered.

"Hawr to taugh whihout bifhing," she said, tongue-in-cheek.

"Aw, someone stole my underwear again," he mooned.
 
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"I don't think that method will work", Bert reflected.
 
Ernest Friedman-Hill
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"I still don't understand where the dependencies are coming from!", Tom injected.
 
Bert Bates
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"This method should never receive a negative int", David asserted.

"This type of city is rare in California", Arnold said faultlessly.

"I think we'll have to acknowledge that this method might do something risky", Paul tossed off.

"Let's divide it by two", Bear said evenly.


 
Ernest Friedman-Hill
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"You have to supply the parameters!" Tom said argumentatively.

"I've stopped using my sleeve for a handkerchief," Tom said, off the cuff.

"I'm afraid everyone has forgotten about me," Tom said, collecting himself.

 
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"I'm Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde", Tom said polymorphically.

"My son is not gonna inherit my values", Tom ended abstractly
 
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"I think I've got whiplash", Tom said snidely.
 
Ernest Friedman-Hill
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Bear Bibeault wrote:"I think I've got whiplash", Tom said snidely.



 
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The ones for which I'm :


"I'm not sure if Church's Theorem applies here," Tom said haltingly.
"No, no, you have to dereference it!" Tom said pointedly.
"Thanks for coming on this camping trip with me," Tom send intently.
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.
"Elvis is dead!" Bob said expressly. This one took me a second.
"You have to supply the parameters!" Tom said argumentatively.
"I'm afraid everyone has forgotten about me," Tom said, collecting himself.



"I'm Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde", Tom said polymorphically.


"Polymorphically"??? (Yes, I get it. However, I can't imagine how anyone would say anything polymorphically.)

And now, let me add to the list:
"I dropped the toothpaste," Ryan said crestfallen. (Not original.)
 
David O'Meara
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"Bear would never drink that whisky", Tom said with a wry grin
 
Ernest Friedman-Hill
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"I am not using Smalltalk", Tom said unselfishly.
 
Bert Bates
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"They must be using the RETE algorithm", Marc inferred.
 
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"You guys don't listen to me", William shouted
 
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"This is the worst Shish Kabob ever" Tom lambasted
 
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"This wire is not properly insulated!" Joe said shockingly.
 
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"But its only P*** mom", Tom ejaculated.

I was thinking about this all day today. I hope to God this is original and hasn't been thought of yet, I would really doubt it if it is though. I am trying to impress marc by being as funny as possible because I want to be like him.
 
Arvind Mahendra
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"I think I've had too much to drink" he buzzed.
 
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"Its never a good idea to get married" . he embraced.

my best work!!
 
David O'Meara
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"I can edit the stream", Dave said.
 
Ryan McGuire
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David O'Meara wrote:"I can edit the stream", Dave said.


That, my brother, was beautiful!


"I have some money I could invest in that plan," Ryan ventured.
"I just watched 'Cliffhanger', 'Judge Dredd' and 'Stop or My Mom Will Shoot'," Ryan said slyly.
 
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"Everything went smoothly" he stuttered
 
David O'Meara
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Ryan McGuire wrote:That, my brother, was beautiful!


and slightly embarrassing
 
Mike Simmons
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Version 2.0:

"I can edit the stream", Dave said awkwardly.

 
Ernest Friedman-Hill
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"I can edit the stream", Dave said awkwardly.



"Well, I am more intuitive," Bert vied.
 
Monu Tripathi
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"yah...maybe," Bert assured.
 
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