Given my recent lack of brains as evidenced by my most recent post in the beginner's forum, I thought I'd share this with you all.
I just took a trip to Alabama for some work related things, and will be down here for a few more months. My wife called me about a week after I arrived and informed me that the mouse wasn't working. Now, I installed Windows Vista (yeah yeah, I know) and I thought to myself "Oh boy, this could be hard to fix over the phone". So I run her through the usual first diagnostic of "Well unplug the usb cable and plug it in a different port". So she does, and tells me that the mouse still isn't working. I'm now wondering, and I begin to ask Google for the answer.
A few days later she brings it up again over the phone, and again I tell her to try and uplug it and plug it into another port. It still doesn't work, so I tell her to restart the computer.
"I can't." "Why not?" "Because the mouse isn't working and I can't make any of the monitors turn on." (Alarm bells start sounding loudly in my mind, and the full nuclear arsenal of satire in my head begins arming in preparation for full scale launch.) "Oh?" "Yes, what else should I do?" "There is a button on the front of the computer with a blue light. You see the blue light? Push the button." "I don't see a button with a blue light, Nathan." (In a very flat and condescending tone, I might add!) "Oh, that's interesting. See the button with the Hewlett-Packard logo on it?" "Yes, I see it." "Good, go ahead and push that button, honey bunches." "Don't I have to hold it to make it restart?" "I think it will work if you just push it quickly." (A sigh, then she pushes the button. I can picture everything jumping to life, the monitors showing the start-up screen, the hum of the fans, the BIG RED GLOW coming from the bottom of the mouse.) "Ooh, it's working!" "That's what happens when we push the power button, honey." (Suddenly the call is disconnected, perhaps bad service?)
I wish I could make something like this up, but sadly it's all so very very true.
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that at some time, some where, some place, someone once said to themselves "I'd really like to set those people on fire over there, but I just can't get close enough".