NetBeans has a direct tie-in to Oracle.
Eclipse is a generic OSGi container with plugins that extend far beyond
Java development. It's also the basis of IBM's RAD product.
IntelliJ is geared towards the worker-in-the-trench
People who think that There Can Be Only One make me scream.
Often your employer is going to be the one that determines what IDE you'll be using.
The secret of how to be miserable is to constantly expect things are going to happen the way that they are "supposed" to happen.
You can have faith, which carries the understanding that you may be disappointed. Then there's being a willfully-blind idiot, which virtually guarantees it.