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Humorous alternative meanings for words

 
Sheriff
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This morning I am listening to BBC Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue show and the panellists had to come up with humorous alternatives to common words. Here are some of my favourites that had me chuckling:

  • Punish - Not quite a play on words
  • Deferral - Bikini wax
  • Cogitate - A Pensioners art gallery
  • King Penguin - A particularly annoying penguin
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    Bartender
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    Tim Cooke wrote:

  • Deferral - Bikini wax


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    Ranch Hand
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    The first thing that came to mind when reading the topic was George Carlin;s exposition on the F word. The new definition of punish was great. I'll have to see if I can find a podcast and check out the rest of the show.

    Regards,
    Robert
     
    Tim Cooke
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    BBC iPlayer
     
    Marshal
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    Wow, I'm surprised BBC still has that show running! Years -- decades ago I used to hear its predecessor, "I'm Sorry, I'll Read That Again" rebroadcast on the CBC. My personal highlight from that time was when Dennis Norden (I think) illustrated the meaning of the word "hymen" by singing "Hymen the mood for love".
     
    Bartender
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    Quartet - A small, female quarter.
     
    Tim Cooke
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    Egypt - Being ripped off online.
     
    Tim Cooke
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    Mandate - Two guys watching sports

    Courtesy of B.C. Comic
     
    Tim Cooke
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    Oh this one is perfect.

     
    Brian Tkatch
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    Water - A person who needs hearings aids.
     
    Brian Tkatch
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    remember - rejoin a group
    reply - glue wood together again
    wicker - person who adds strings to candles
    umbrage - bridge that causes sudden loss of speech
    teensy - C for adolescents
    muggle - to steal while hugging
    united - expression of disbelief about a given knighthood. For example, in "Sir States," upon hearing of that she granted the knighthood, "United States?!"

     
    Bartender
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    Tim Cooke wrote:This morning I am listening to BBC Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue show and the panellists had to come up with humorous alternatives to common words.


    a.k.a: The Uxbridge English Dictionary.

    Only in Britain could you have a show whose most famous game (Mornington Crescent) has books of strategy written about it, despite the fact that its rules are known only to a select few (sometimes not including new panelists), and a certain Mrs.Trellis of North Wales - who many conspiracy theorists believe is actually connected with M.I.6.

    Winston
     
    Marshal
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    Winston Gutkowski wrote:. . . game (Mornington Crescent) . . . its rules are known only to a select few (sometimes not including new panelists), and a certain Mrs.Trellis of North Wales . . .

    I am not at all select and I know all the rules of Mornington Crescent. I sometimes manage to go there after the Beer Festival in London in August, just to make sure.
     
    Brian Tkatch
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    evil plot - Dracula's empty grave
     
    Tim Cooke
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    Warranty - A legal vehicle that expires just before the physical one.
     
    Brian Tkatch
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    Humorous word - a misspelled word that hits near the funny bone.
     
    Brian Tkatch
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    reorient - to respond to an email from China
    retire - to replace the tubes on your car
    female - a COD post
    frequent - the bonus item in a buy four, get one free sale
    programming - expert measuring (and splitting) into small quantities
    disperse - to stop carrying a purse
    robot - chat program that stirs acrimony
     
    Tim Cooke
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    Propaganda - What Cockneys do when they really look at something.
     
    Java Cowboy
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    These jokes are probably much easier to understand for native English speakers. I don't get all of them.

    Tim Cooke wrote:

  • Punish - Not quite a play on words
  • Deferral - Bikini wax
  • Cogitate - A Pensioners art gallery
  • King Penguin - A particularly annoying penguin

  • Punish => pun-like? A pun, but not quite?
    Deferral => "defurring", removing "fur"?
    Cogitate => I know that Tate is an art museum? I don't understand what pensioners have to do with it.
    King penguin => what does annoying have to do with king? Is the king annoying?

    Brian Tkatch wrote:Quartet - A small, female quarter.


    I don't get this one.

    Tim Cooke wrote:Egypt - Being ripped off online.


    E-gypt? "E" for online, like e-mail etc. but "gypt"...?

    Tim Cooke wrote:Mandate - Two guys watching sports


    Aha, man-date.

    Brian Tkatch wrote:Water - A person who needs hearings aids.


    Water => "Whatter" => someone who says "what?" all the time.

    Etc.
     
    Campbell Ritchie
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    Jesper de Jong wrote:. . .
    Punish => pun-like? A pun, but not quite?

    Yes


    Deferral => "defurring", removing "fur"?

    Yes


    Cogitate => I know that Tate is an art museum? I don't understand what pensioners have to do with it.

    From codger/old codger = old man

    . . . Quartet - A small, female quarter.

    From the suffix -ette which turns words into their feminine equivalent, sometimes diminutive.

    . . . Egypt - Being ripped off online.

    From gypped, the past tense of gyp in the sense of cheat, swindle rather than pain.

    . . . Water - A person who needs hearings aids.
    Water => "Whatter" => someone who says "what?" all the time.

    Etc.

    What? What? Whatwhatwhat? Yes.
     
    Campbell Ritchie
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    Paul Clapham wrote:. . .  I used to hear its predecessor, "I'm Sorry, I'll Read That Again" . . .

    I don't think ISIRTA was its predecessor. It was on Radio Prune, for a start, and was more like a predecessor of Monty Python, although Monty Python was far more outré and the two ran concurrently for about 4 or 5 years.
     
    Campbell Ritchie
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    I don't know what is annoying about penguins, but it shou‍ld be spelt 'king which is short for f‑u‑c‑king. That definition is the civilised version
     
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