single never married?

[Randall Twede]

married people can respond, but this is mainly addressed to single people.
when i was young i always thought i would get married. there where several i would have said yes to.
then i got a little older and started doubting it would ever happen.
now i'm 64 and still single never married.
i would still marry the right woman now, but i don't have much to offer.

[Daniel Cox]

Randall Twede wrote:...i don't have much to offer.

Do you mean that you don’t have much money to offer or you don’t have much love to offer? If you have a lot of love to offer (care, attentiveness, thoughtfulness etc), then you’re in high demand even without much money.

[Randall Twede]

do you really think that Daniel? i wish you were correct.

[Randall Twede]

i remind you all that i have been reading Dickens

[Bear Bibeault]

Daniel makes a good point.

Randall Twede wrote:when i was young i always thought i would get married

As a gay man, I was the opposite. I never thought marriage would be possible for me. But then in 2015 something extraordinary happened...

[Jeanne Boyarsky]

I'm single, never married. Happy though!

[Jan de Boer]

Jeanne Boyarsky wrote:I'm single, never married. Happy though!

Are you single, when you have a boyfriend? (Or girlfriend.)

I would not call that single. I would say I am single when I would be alone, no girlfriend, ready to get involved. If a girl would say to me she is single, I would assume she has no boyfriend. But there might be something lost in translation here.

[Jeanne Boyarsky]

Jan de Boer wrote:I would not call that single. I would say I am single when I would be alone, no girlfriend, ready to get involved. If a girl would say to me she is single, I would assume she has no boyfriend. But there might be something lost in translation here.

That's a good point. I interpreted the question as simply not married. The way you write single on your tax form even if you are engaged.

[Campbell Ritchie]

I would have thought that you remain single whilst dating somebody, but in England we would say you are spoken for.

An old‑fashioned term.

[salvin francis]

Campbell Ritchie wrote:...spoken for...

Wow that's a nice term. Kinda suits husbands

[Campbell Ritchie]

salvin francis wrote:. . . Wow that's a nice term. Kinda suits husbands

It is gender‑neutral. Men and women can both be spoken for.

[Randall Twede]

i kind of like that....i wish i was spoken for
im glad you are happy Jeanne
even if you are not spoken for

[Jan de Boer]

Randall Twede wrote:even if you are not spoken for

No, that was my whole point, I remember Jeanne talking about a boyfriend, when we discussed my girlfriend her smartphone behaviour.

But, Jeanne, if somebody asks you in a colloquial situation, 'are you single?', you would answer..? I have a boyfriend?

(Precondition: Assuming you do not fancy the person asking and ahum are going to lie about it. I know girls do that sometimes too, as well as men of course.)

[Randall Twede]

spoken for must be what we call engaged now. i kind of like spoken for better, engaged sounds like you are in the middle of it

[Campbell Ritchie]

Randall Twede wrote:spoken for must be what we call engaged now. . . .

no, it isn't. It is possible to be spoken for before one becomes engaged.

[Jeanne Boyarsky]

Jan de Boer wrote:But, Jeanne, if somebody asks you in a colloquial situation, 'are you single?', you would answer..? I have a boyfriend?

It depends on how well I know the person and how much I wish to share. In some cases, my mental answer is "none of your business." So sometimes I answer with "I'd rather not say"

[Jan de Boer]

Jeanne Boyarsky wrote:I answer with "I'd rather not say"

Yeah, okay, I will interpretate that as, she has one, and wants me to back off. Probably the message you want to get through at that moment.

[Bear Bibeault]

On a  somewhat related note, 21 years ago today was the first full day I spent with my now-husband. I took him on a trip to the Maine coast (I lived in New England at the time) and we've been "spoken for" ever since.

[Randall Twede]

You're the taller one right?

[Daniel Cox]

Randall, you've been on the ranch long enough to know that Bear is definitely the shorter one.  

[Bear Bibeault]

Randall Twede wrote:You're the taller one right?

Nope, I'm on the right.

(I know you've only seem me with the gray beard.)

[Jeanne Boyarsky]

Bear Bibeault wrote:Nope, I'm on the right.

Your face looks like you in "younger Bear"

[Himai Minh]

I'm single, never married. Happy though!

I agree. If you have to take care of you significant others, how can you save time for yourself to learn new things or pass certification exams? Plus, nowadays, we work at least 10 hours a day from Monday-Friday.
We may want to take some training courses during weekends.

[Bear Bibeault]

Himai Minh wrote:

I'm single, never married. Happy though!

I agree. If you have to take care of you significant others, how can you save time for yourself to learn new things or pass certification exams? Plus, nowadays, we work at least 10 hours a day from Monday-Friday.
We may want to take some training courses during weekends.

I hope that's working for you, but that post makes me sad. Seem too  much like "living to work" rather than "working to live". I enjoy what I'm doing, and will likely continue to code even if I'm ever lucky enough to retire, but there's so much more to life than work. (Says the guy who works a normal day job, a second contract job, and occasionally writes books. But I do make time to spend with my husband, dogs, and friends.)

[Himai Minh]

Seem too  much like "living to work" rather than "working to live"

That is an interesting point.
We only have 24 hours a day. This is our hour breakdown from Monday-Friday:
-12 hours have been spent on working in our offices and commuting back and forth.
- 7 hours have been spent on sleeping if you don't need to work overtime.
- 1 hours have been spent on cooking/dining out and taking a shower/feed your pets.
- 2 hours have been spent on studying for certifications/online courses.
- 2 hours have been spent on watching TV/surfing the web/listening to music/exercising in the gym.

Our typical weekends:
- study for certification exams / taking online courses.
- working out in the gym.
- cleaning up houses.
- doing laundry.
- grocery shopping

I think having a remote/virtual relationship is the best for us.

[Bear Bibeault]

Himai Minh wrote:This is our hour breakdown from Monday-Friday:

This may be your breakdown. You cannot speak for all of us. My schedule looks very different from that.

I think having a remote/virtual relationship is the best for us.

Again, perhaps for you. Do not speak for me.

[Liutauras Vilda]

Himai Minh wrote:-12 hours have been spent on working in our offices and commuting back and forth.

Himai Minh wrote:- 7 hours have been spent on sleeping if you don't need to work overtime.

So, that means you work 12 hours and that does not include overtimes. But then you might work 4 days and have 4 days off - that would be something ok then.
Most common hours people work in offices or somewhere similar are 8 hours actual work + lunch = 9 hours or so.

What do you do for 12 hours?

Personally I don't sleep that much during the workdays, I sleep usually 5 hours, but then I let myself sleep on saturday and sunday until 1 - 2 pm.

I'm a night bird.

[Daniel Cox]

Liutauras Vilda wrote:What do you do for 12 hours?

He did mention that the 12 hours includes commuting back and forth. I once had a job that required a 4 hour daily commute. It was a 6 month contract and I left at the end of the contract. A survey revealed that over a million Britons travel 3 hours or more for work. I imagine it's worse in so many other countries.

[Jeanne Boyarsky]

Himai Minh wrote:If you have to take care of you significant others, how can you save time for yourself to learn new things or pass certification exams?

What's this about taking care of your significant others? Are you suggesting people in a relationship don't split responsibilities? (That said, eating alone doesn't take as long as with others. But spending time together isn't "taking care of" someone.)

Himai Minh wrote:-12 hours have been spent on working in our offices and commuting back and forth.

I'm at less than that. I have a subhour commute. And I use that commute time to read. In the morning, I read the news. On the way home, I read something technical.

[Jan de Boer]

Jeanne Boyarsky wrote:What's this about taking care of your significant others?

Children? You can 'outsource' that by the way, but I always kept that to the necessary minimum. If they are older they mostly need less attention can do more things by their own. Apart from 14 year old girls, you need to keep them out of trouble, and it takes more time convincing them to do the dishes than doing it yourself. As I probably already told you, in my free time outside the office, I do not do that much with programming or even computers.

[Campbell Ritchie]

Daniel Cox wrote:. . . over a million Britons travel 3 hours or more for work. . . .

That is caused by so much centralisation in London. Back in 1978 the “champion” commuter didn't even work in the same country: he commuted from Newport to London daily. I am quite sure that working twelve‑hour days is very harmful to all concerned, and agree with Bear Jeanne and Liutauras.

[Daniel Cox]

Campbell Ritchie wrote:I am quite sure that working twelve‑hour days is very harmful to all concerned...

I agree. It leaves you with little time to spend with your loved ones (on weekdays). But many have no choice and many couples split due to work location issues.

Campbell Ritchie wrote:That is caused by so much centralisation in London.

Actually, the job wasn’t in London; it was in Surrey (a county just outside London) where many of the UK’s largest corporations are located. I was at the beginning of my career and  I was grateful to land a job in Surrey, but I was not willing to move to Surrey since it wasn’t a permanent job. I used to live near central London and in order to get to work, I had to catch a bus to Liverpool Street Underground Station and then catch a train to Bank Underground Station and then catch another train to Waterloo Underground Station and then catch another train to Wimbledon Underground Station and then catch another train to Leatherhead railway station and then get to work by taxi.

[Liutauras Vilda]

Daniel Cox wrote:I once had a job that required a 4 hour daily commute

Daniel Cox wrote:I used to live near central London and in order to get to work, I had to catch a bus to Liverpool Street Underground Station and then catch a train to Bank Underground Station and then catch another train to Waterloo Underground Station and then catch another train to Wimbledon Underground Station and then catch another train to Leatherhead railway station and then get to work by taxi.

That may sound scary, but it isn't that bad actually, at least first half.

Liverpool st. -> Bank st. (10-15 minutes by walk, by tube is same, I work close to Bank st.). Bank st -> Waterloo (1 stop with Waterloo and city line, 5 minutes actual travel time). Waterloo -> Wimbledon st (20 minutes by train, I live in near borough).

So, perhaps most of the travel time for you took to get to Leatherhead st and get taxi to final point - yeah, all those lines changes and go in and out can go on nerves pretty soon. Especially if/when delays happen. The worst thing is, that this journey isn't get in and get out - so you can't even read anything, because always need to keep moving.

[Jan de Boer]

Daniel Cox wrote:A survey revealed that over a million Britons travel 3 hours or more for work.

Is that one way, or for the day in total?

I commute 1.40 by two makes 3.20 hours . But... it is 30 minutes cycling, 50 minutes in a (mostly) quiet train, 20 minutes cycling again. Cycling burns some calories, in the train I mostly study.

I would prefer the 1.40 'cycling and reading in a quiet place', over e.g. 50 minutes in a crowded noisy subway. It is not just the number of minutes.

[Daniel Cox]

Liutauras Vilda wrote:Especially if/when delays happen.

It would have been lovely if there were no delays.  

You get to the bus stop at rush hour and there's no queue and the bus is just about to leave. Same for the trains and the taxi.

[Daniel Cox]

Jan de Boer wrote:

Daniel Cox wrote:A survey revealed that over a million Britons travel 3 hours or more for work.

Is that one way, or for the day in total?

It's 3 hours or more in total.

[Michael Matola]

Bear Bibeault wrote:On a  somewhat related note, 21 years ago today was the first full day I spent with my now-husband. I took him on a trip to the Maine coast (I lived in New England at the time) and we've been "spoken for" ever since.

The two of you bonded over your shared love of knee-high white tube socks?



(Surely there's a picture somewhere of the two of you wearing knee-high white tube socks with three red stripes?)

[Bear Bibeault]

Michael Matola wrote:The two of you bonded over your shared love of knee-high white tube socks?

Hey, it was 1996! And they were calf-high. Fashion changes!

Oh wait, I still wear the same socks.

(Surely there's a picture somewhere of the two of you wearing knee-high white tube socks with three red stripes?)

Not the two of us, but here's a shot from 1988 with triple-striped knee socks, even if only one stripe is red. It also explains why I now live in Austin.