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Ranch Hand
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that sounds like a George Carlin or Dave Berry line...
 
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"By compassion we make others' misery our own, and so, by relieving them, we relieve ourselves also."
Thomas Browne
 
Greenhorn
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Private Baldrick : "Permission to speak ,Sir?"
Mr B. : "Nope..."

 
Ranch Hand
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It's my party and I'll cry if I want too
 
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"Some people claim that there's a woman to blame,
but I know it's my own damn fault." --Jimmy Buffett

 
Ranch Hand
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This one is a nice one too (a little harsh though)
"He's wasting Oxygen"
 
Greenhorn
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Two of my favorites:
"If the whole human race lay in one grave, the epitah on its headstone might well be: 'It seemed a good idea at the time.'"
- Dame Rebecca West
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning."
- Rich Cook
randya
 
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This is computer science not rocket science.
// My boss
 
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"Two wrongs don't make a right"
"But, two Wrights made an airplane."
 
Greenhorn
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the great thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from
 
Ranch Hand
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"Life is'nt a matter of milestones but of moments"
 
Ranch Hand
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Originally posted by Rafome Rakahanga:
the great thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from


Rafome, you must have worked with EDI! YUK!
[This message has been edited by Ray Marsh (edited May 18, 2001).]
 
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"I am still an atheist, thank God." - Luis Bunuel
"I am still a dyslexic, thank Dog." - Tony Thyer
 
Nigel Browne
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team work is alot of people doing what I say
//My boss
 
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Hawaiian shirts and Bermuda shorts are appropriate only in places where rum drinks are served in coconut shells.
-a newspaper columnist.

Could not control my burst of laughter....
[This message has been edited by Eager Beaver (edited August 01, 2001).]
 
Ranch Hand
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"homer not function well beer without"
- Homer Simpson
 
Greenhorn
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"This sentence is false."
- some textbook.
 
Trailboss
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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
 
Sheriff
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Mac Safari Java
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"You can�t mix matter and antimatter cold!"

~Chief Engineer Scott (from The Naked Time, John D. F. Black, screenwriter)
 
marc weber
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"We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these Ends, it is in the Right of the People to alter or abolish it..."

~Thomas Jefferson, Declaration of Independence


"...my kind of loyalty was loyalty to one's country, not to its institutions or its office-holders. The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing; it is the thing to watch over, and care for, and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous, they are its mere clothing, and clothing can wear out, become ragged, cease to be comfortable, cease to protect the body from winter, disease, and death. To be loyal to rags, to shout for rags, to worship rags, to die for rags -- that is a loyalty of unreason, it is pure animal; it belongs to monarchy, was invented by monarchy; let monarchy keep it."

~Mark Twain, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court
 
Marshal
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"Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner." � James Bovard
 
Ranch Hand
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"I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity."

- Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House
 
Ritika Saxena
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"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."

---- Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.
 
Ritika Saxena
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"OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO"
 
Bartender
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Gladstone � �Sir, You with come to at end either by the hangman�s noose, or the pox.�
Disraeli � �That would depend, Sir, on whether I embrace your principals or your wife�� [House of Commons]
 
Peter Rooke
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"These go to eleven...." [Spinal Tap]

---------------------
�Excuse me madame, does your dug bite?�
�Non, monsieur.�
Inspector Cluso reaches down to pat dog and is bitten.
Startled - �I thought you said this dug does not bite.�
�It is not my dug!� [Peter Sellers]
 
Ranch Hand
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I can resist anything but temptation.
 
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"Drugs lead you nowhere but it's the scenic route"
- bumper sticker in a local store
 
Sheriff
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Originally posted by Greg Harris:
"i invented the internet..."

wanna be president Al Gore



... who never actually said it. If you're going to do fake ones, you should balance it with Dan Quayle's "Latin Americans speak Latin", which he also never said.

One of my favorites, which is quite applicable to our increasingly radicalized world:

Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith, I consider a capacity for it terrifying and absolutely vile!
-- Kurt Vonnegut

 
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Marcus Aurelius:


Mark how fleeting and paltry is the estate of man - yesterday in embryo, tomorrow a mummy or ashes. So for the hairsbreadth of time assigned to thee, live rationally, and part with life cheerfully, as drops the ripe olive, extolling the season that bore it and the tree that matured it.



Douglas Adams:

The world is a thing of utter inordinate complexity and richness and strangeness that is absolutely awesome. I mean the idea that such complexity can arise not only out of such simplicity, but probably absolutely out of nothing, is the most fabulous extraordinary idea. And once you get some kind of inkling of how that might have happened, it's just wonderful. And . . . the opportunity to spend 70 or 80 years of your life in such a universe is time well spent as far as I am concerned.



Bertrand Russel:

The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it.



Richard Feynman:

Physics is like sex. Sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it.



Richard Feynman's mother, on Richard Feynman:

If that's the world's smartest man, God help us.

 
Ritika Saxena
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"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."

- David Acfield
 
Maureen Augustus
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A few happy drunk ones from WC Fields:

"My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies."

"I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy."

"During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days."

"Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven."
 
Peter Rooke
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Of complication despond,
and general distress
are two nulls equal,
I fear, both no and yes.

The hearsay of duplicates,
the hearsay of nulls,
lead to great complications,
a combination of dulls. [Hugh Darwin]

No repeating, every key depends on the key, the whole key, and nothing but the key. [???]
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